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Counselling Doctor Fill

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Disclaimer;  Dr Fill and Dr GOF are products of my imagination. Any similarity to persons either living or dead is entirely coincidental.  

Advisory;  Contains explicit psychological procedures and occasional sarcasm.

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Dr GOF;   Come inside my consulting room Dr Fill. What brought you here to seek my professional services today?

Dr Fill;   A taxi.

Dr GOF;   This ain’t my first rodeo, son.  I suggest you answer my questions sensibly if you don’t want this exercise to be a complete waste of time.

Dr Fill;   Sorry Dr GOF. My problem is that I had built up a nice low-key counseling service in America, but suddenly I became so bashful and unsure of myself that I could no longer form definite opinions or communicate with my clients.  That is why I am here today to obtain guidance from the finest practitioner in our field.  
Am I now just a pathetic old worn-out failure GOF?

Dr GOF;   ‘Doctor’ GOF please Fill.  Failure is no accident.  What you need here is a hero. You need to step up to the plate and be a hero for yourself.

Dr Fill;   Then why did you make me sit way up here in this oversized chair so my feet can’t hardly touch the floor no more?
A man cain’t feel like a hero when his legs are a-danglin’ around in the breeze like a couple of  broken powerlines in a hurricane.

Dr GOF;   Hero can wait.  Right now you need to be positioned in that chair as a physical reminder of your powerlessness and intellectual inferiority, and to make certain that you feel suitably humble and subordinate while you are here basking in the aura of my overwhelmingly popular and authoritative presence.

Dr Fill;   (With legs still dangling)  OK, so tell me, why am I feeling so incompetent, unappreciated, unloved and alone in this world Dr GOF?

Dr GOF;   You’re only lonely if you’re not there for yourself Fill. You need to talk to yourself, encourage yourself, lift yourself up and play with yourself on a regular basis. Be there for yourself when you need a best friend.

Dr Fill;   But people have said behind my back that I am a pontificating old sermonizer, and that hurts my self esteem and makes me feel really horrible inside. These days I am just so sensitive to the opinions of others.

Dr GOF;   Opinions are like asses…..everybody’s got one.

Dr Fill;   Except for Elle MacPherson……I saw her once on Oprah and I can tell you that her legs went on and on, way past where her…..oh sorry Dr GOF, I know you’re not interested in distractions of the fleshly kind.  Tell me, what do you see in my future?

Dr GOF;   The best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour. I’ll bet you never thought of that one eh?

Dr Fill;   Actually I was aware of that. I once saw some long tall Texan dude repetitiously sprouting that phrase when he was talking down to TV audiences….that Oprah Show sure is educational in many ways.

Dr GOF;   Awareness without action is worthless, Dr Fill. You’ve gotta DO something man.

Dr Fill;   So what should I do to fix my troubled soul?

Dr GOF;   Ahh…soul!  Yes.  You have to require more of yourself, and you can’t change what you don’t acknowledge.

Dr Fill;   So what should I acknowledge?

Dr GOF;   Lets take baby steps.  There’s obviously a lot to fix here.

For starters you might just simply acknowledge that you are an opinionated preacher-man who thinks he has the preordained right to force his own bourgeois moral values upon all people regardless of their own culture and socio-economic circumstances.
See. No biggie.
All we have to do is clobber that little bit of self-deception outta your noggin’ first, then we’ll move onto Step Two.

Dr Fill;   Well dangnammit, I’d never quite thought about it in precisely those terms before. You’re only a gnats-gonad distance away from being a master philosopher Dr GOF.  I shore do ‘preciate your wisdom.  Someone like you should be on television.

Dr GOF;   My little sunbeams of erudition will only be available to a select few like yourself Dr Fill…….. in exchange for the sweet shuffling sound of large-denomination banknotes being dealt upon my palm.


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Is anyone still here?

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