Normally I don’t like to blow my own trumpet, but I’ve just spent the last two days working flat out like a lizard drinking, doing marvellous things for my country. It all started with a simple letter to the Prime Minister.
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SMIRNOFF, FULCRUM & GOF
Social Engineers by Appointment.
17 December 2011
Dear Madam Prime Minister,
What’s up with all you female political leaders?
Every time one of you is given political power in Australia or abroad
I applaud and celebrate with a renewed sense of hope that we will have a safer and more compassionate world, yet almost all of you squander the leadership opportunities just like your male predecessors did.
Just one example please if I may.
Your Federal Administration, State Governments and the judiciary have all failed to act decisively on behalf of those Australian road “accident” victims who have been maimed or killed by drunken drivers and other imbeciles who drove cars without having bothered with the formalities of getting a Licence or registering their motor vehicles.
Why do all Governments treat this issue as if the victims were just unpreventable “friendly fire” casualties in our society?
A very long time ago I diligently studied road rules, undertook practical instruction and was granted my Driver’s Licence.
Driving a car was then, as it should be today, a privilege and not a right. I pay $1000 each year to renew this licence and register my vehicle. Apparently I am being very stupid because many fellow road-users don’t give a rat’s arse about these requirements or the consequences of their driving behaviour.
Successive Federal Governments have conveniently sidestepped this matter by passing the buck to State Governments, and court-imposed penalties on offenders are disgracefully lenient.
I would like to offer the services of my Associate, Mr GOF, who is eager to provide a simple and permanent solution to this problem.
He estimates that it would only take two days to complete the necessary tasks if you would be so kind as to hand over executive powers to him while you are away on your Christmas break.
Please liaise directly with Mr GOF.
Yours Faithfully,
Vladimir J. Smirnoff
Director
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Parliament House,
CANBERRA.
30 December 2011
Dear Mr GOF,
I am in receipt of Mr Smirnoff’s letter of the 17th instant.
On behalf of the Government I am delighted to accept your kind offer of administrative expertise and dynamic management. It rather surprises me in light of your past history that your talents had not already been brought to my attention by the Australian Security Intelligence Organisation.
Welcome to the team.
Would next Monday and Tuesday be OK with you?
Yours Faithfully,
Julia Buzzard
Prime Minister of Australia
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SMIRNOFF, FULCRUM & GOF
Social Engineers by Appointment.
4 January 2012
Dear Madam Prime Minister,
Thank you for granting me the opportunity to serve my country.
Please find attached a detailed report of my activities on Monday 2nd, and Tuesday 3rd January 2011, along with an Invoice for services rendered. Please forward cheque to my new address in America where I am hoping to be given ample opportunity to do many more good deeds.
I trust you enjoyed the break and feel well rested.
Please don’t hesitate to contact Mr Smirnoff or myself if ever you need further assistance managing the affairs of Australia.
Yours Faithfully,
GOF
Partner
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