It is with deep regret, sadness and enduring pain, that GOF announces the death of Mr Molar, previous long time resident at #6 in the Lower East Quarter. He is sorely (very sorely) missed by his neighbours and landlord.
And yet another tale involving grief. Following the sad loss of his wife, the grieving husband selected a headstone for her grave to include the inscription;
"Lord she was Thine"
The widower then died and was unable to witness the dilemma faced by the stone masons. The headstone was too narrow to complete this eulogy. Thus, legend has it, that somewhere in England there is a memorial proclaiming;
"Lord she was Thin"
A timely reminder that a small omission may indeed completely alter the tenor of the original proposal.
I am of the opinion that it is within the purview of the common man, to, at least once in a lifetime, produce a single, ground breaking contribution to the collective philosophy of our species. Perhaps the result of lengthy research, or simply being the "chosen one" to pass on a revelation received from a higher power.
My opportunity came many years ago, and I blew it.
I chose to launch my "truth" to a friend who is also a mother and amateur philosopher.
"The pain of a mans toothache is equivalent to that of a womans childbirth"
And waited for her applause and approval.
Even at a distance of several years I find it difficult to revisit the embarrassment and ignominy I suffered at her response, but I am now able to understand where I went wrong.
Firstly I chose the wrong audience.
Secondly my research was a little deficient, like the headstone. Only mine was 50% deficient given that I had difficulty in replicating part 2 of my proposal. (to those who, over subsequent years have made various unsolicited offensive and indelicate research suggestions I am quite frankly appalled)
I still maintain that similarities exist. Recently I was quoted $2800 to have a single tooth restored to its former glinting glory. Roughly equivalent to the cost of an uncomplicated childbirth in a hospital. Both also involve a significant emotional involvement. During the past few days I have been selflessly suffering whilst conducting additional research. There was an era when tooth extraction was a 5 minute procedure involving anaesthetic, very large pliers and a short period of intense synchronised grunting.
It now involves X-ray, image analysis, conferencing with oral surgeons, pliers and intense grunting. In my case the initial pliers and grunting phase was unproductive, and the call was sent out to install an industrial circular saw in my mouth to "section" the tooth prior to re-pliersing and re-grunting. The process took an hour and was very disrespectful of my dear (and now departed) molar. I was attached to it. (indeed extraordinarily attached to it). It was an integral part of "me" for many years. The leading husky on my sledge of digestion. My main masticator. Gone……sawn up, removed and treated like trash.
He deserved better than that. I am sad.
So, whilst I am riding a wave of public sympathy, perhaps I could re-launch my proposal;
"The pain of a mans………
Or maybe not. I suspect half of the population of the world is still not ready to hear my truth. I am a man ahead of his time.