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The Skylights Project

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The Skylights Project was a 1960’s top-secret operation designed to prepare Australia for a position of world supremacy in the forecast booming personal computer market of the 1990’s.

Seventeen men and women comprising the finest electronics minds in the Southern Hemisphere were bunkered in a discreet laboratory three storeys below footpath level in Swanston Street, Melbourne in January 1968 when disaster struck.

One of their number, Eunice Hopsteader, smuggled her pet rabbit through the strict security system, into the lift, then down to Level 3.

The rabbit was infected with a mutated and virulent strain of the Myxoma virus. Ten of the scientists, including Eunice, were dead before lunch time.

Those who remained symptom-free celebrated their close shave with death by dining out the following day at Farmer Gramoxone’s Country Style Restaurant just around the corner in Flinders Street.  (Named after explorer Matthew Flinders.)

Six of them were declared stone cold motherless dead within minutes of sipping the vegetable soup which mistakenly contained diced carrots laced with strychnine poison which Farmer Gramoxone had prepared for distribution as rabbit bait on his farm.
(Today Australian Workplace Health and Safety Regulations only allow poison bait preparation in Registered Kitchens on weekends and Gazetted Public Holidays.)

The Director of The Skylights Project, Bill Picket-Fences, was the only one to survive after a quick-thinking cyclist shoved his bicycle pump all the way down Bill’s oesophagus and syphoned the deadly contents out of his stomach and back into the soup bowl.

“My bike pump never did work very well after that”  Wayne Pedalworster reported to the Advertiser newspaper three days later. “The strychnine corroded my plunger like real bad mate and nobody’s offered to replace it either.”

Even Blind Freddie could have forseen that Bill Picket-Fences would select me as deputy leader of the new Skylights Project team.
With a fresh-off-the-press Diploma of Agriculture and an I.Q. of 71, I was assigned the priority task of developing a portable computer memory device with a capacity of 16 gigabytes.

After just 44 years, I am proud to present the fruits of my labour to the world;  The GOF 16GB Portable Memory Device specifically designed for the Skylights Operating System.

So, all you computer nerds, stick that in your USB slots and smoke it. It will be a long time before you come up with anything better.

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The GOF 16 Gig Portable Storage Device. (GOF PSD)

Back on the road again

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Mr Gates, despite all his good work, is a tricky little man.
He often flashes little messages up onto my computer screen.
Very few are complimentary in nature.
They are never along the lines of; "Well done GOF" or
"Your 2-finger typing is like ballet on a keyboard"

My computering is punctuated by messages that Windows has "encountered an error", occasionally a "fatal error," and that my "discs needed to be checked for consistency" as though they were some sort of dough or pudding mixture going into the oven.

Last week, just before I found it necessary to "have serious words" with my old computer, I thought he was giving me some wonderful news for a change.
He informed me that I have "Root Certificates."

Root Certificates?


Celebrations were short lived because he went on to inform me that several of these Certificates were "missing", in an explanation for why Firefox and most other loaded applications had bitten the dust.

The only place I could find where they could possibly have gotten out, was a few holes on the back, and while I was taping over them with duct tape to make sure no more of them escaped, I discovered something else loose inside which was just spinning around uselessly making a whole lot of breeze.

GOF fixed that with a six inch nail and superglue.

Now I am back in business again with a cheap, but adequately-endowed-with-RC's new computer, but if you see a few of my "Root Certificates" floating around in the wind near your place, could you please post them back to The Bucket.

PS.  If any of my neighbours with computer savvy could suggest a possible cause and remedy for my deficiency of root certificates I will be most grateful. 
If you ever need advice on problems growing sweet potatoes I will always be at your service.

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