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Dear Dorothy,

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Dear Dorothy,

I am writing in to your help column because last week when I visited the local wildlife safari place, the man who looks after the ostriches gave me an ostrich egg to take home.  They don't want to keep them at the zoo, because if they all hatched then they would have too many ostriches to look after.

I thought it might be a good idea to give the egg to Mrs Gof.
The picture I am sending you shows just how very big this ostrich egg is, but I have some questions that I need your help for.

Do you know how long she will have to sit on it for?
If it is for a really long time, can she take some hours off, maybe when it's warm in the middle of the day so the egg won't go cold, to do all the cooking and cleaning and fix the things that break in the house and mow the lawn and do the shopping?
I am a bit worried that with all the attention she will need to give to the egg, I might end up being a little bit deprived of some attention myself, if you know what I mean Dorothy.

Maybe it would be for the best if I just threw it away.  It might  cause a whole lot of trouble like the Coke bottle did in "The Gods Must Be Crazy".

Because I don't have enough money to buy your magazine I hope you will be able to send a reply straight back to me.

Expectantly Yours,

Mr Gof.

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Elle and GOF; A texting love story

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Herewith continues the long running romantic saga of GOF and Elle.
The Bald (ing) and the Beautiful.

For over 20 years I have been subjected to much hurtful ridicule from my friends who did not fully understand my obsession  academic interest in Elle's career.
Poor sad GOF.   😦

When I recently saw an advertised service offering to predict romantic future simply by texting first names on my mobile phone and paying a very reasonable fee to the nice people there, I saw it as an opportunity to bypass the biased, uncaring, and unwanted opinion of these friends.

What more information would these incredibly gifted telephonic clairvoyants possibly need to have, in order to make an intelligent and realistic prediction of our impending hot and steamy love life, than first names?    I am a trusting human soul.

Txt;     GOF  AND   ELLE     (my mobile phone is 10 years old and only texts in capital letters)

Response;   "What the hell ridiculous name is GOF and it's high time you acted your age and stopped pestering retired supermodels"

So which one of my stupid friends is operating this stupid service anyway?!!!!

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