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A useful purpose

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This is my Maori weapon from New Zealand, a patu or mere, traditionally used to stave in the skulls of enemies, some juvenile delinquents, and presumably any irritating little turd who popped his head up at an inopportune moment.

A very useful purpose indeed.

My traditional patu is made from very dense wood shaped by a traditional band saw, engraved using a traditional industrial wood stamping machine before being finished off with three coats of traditional petro-chemical varnish applied through a traditional air-powered paint gun.

I inherited my patu following my mums death 23 years ago. Since then it has been sitting on the shelf gathering dust. A little like me really.

Neither of us have a purpose. Until…….

until……I remembered my all-time favourite comedy sketch featuring Rowan Atkinson.

Sunday I will be purposefully taking my patu into the city.

There is a great deal of work which needs to be done.



About GOF

"Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it, depends upon what you put into it." (Tom Lehrer)

17 responses »

  1. “Sunday I will be purposefully taking my patu into the city.”

    Sunday? Now you really have me worried!

  2. I suppose Inga was too good at evasion for it to have been any use there. Pity.

    • Inga was the perfect child….never an enemy, juvenile delinquent or the other thing I mentioned. She is also going to be responsible for accommodating me in the best old-folks home she can find in Australia. 🙂

  3. From your MOTHER, you say? Upon whom’s noggin did she use her patu?

    My mum wore Woden clogs (true) and was keen to grab one off and hit us in the head.

    To this day, one of my threats to errant men is, ‘I’ve wearing easy-off shoes!’

    • I could usually outrun her, so I’ve only got one residual groove on my scone.
      Clogs would do a similar job. Stilettos even better, but I don’t look all that good in high heels.

  4. There’s a few politicians I can think of who could well do with a close acquaintance with your padu, GOF. Then again, I wouldn’t want you to damage such a work of art on such worthless hides. Maybe the old axe handle would be better suited to such a task…

    • I just bought a heavy duty block splitter/sledge hammer Snowy. Let me know if you’d like to borrow it. Sounds like a very useful purpose you have in mind.

  5. I think I could find a use for that -irritating little turds seem to abound in my life.

  6. “if he wasn’t dead, I’d have him expelled.” Hilarious. 😆 Sounds a bit like my old headmaster. Your Patu could be quite lethal, in the light of this video. 😯

    • Rowan Atkinson is a comic genius, although I find some of his more recent “Mr Bean” work a little tedious and repetitious.

  7. What a gorgeous piece of artistry, GOF. I bet it has many family stories behind it (of course it’s never too late to create a few more, LOL) just remember to make it look like an accident.

    This and a Bean I’ve never seen before. Best Sunday ever.

    • ” just remember to make it look like an accident.”
      I’m not sure if the Judge would be convinced if I had twenty ‘accidents’ in one morning.

      I’m also not convinced that the world needs any more ‘Mr Beans’. 🙂

  8. That was great I adore R.A. and Black Adder. Looks like a stick worthy of Flamingo Dancer!


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