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Observations of a bushie in town (Part 3)

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A debriefing on denim shorts.


Photo credit; NOT me.

Photo credit; NOT me.

I’m utterly appalled!ย  (again)

This sort of arse shrink-wrapping complete with homeless pockets is worn by 79% of young women aged 18 to 22 (range amended following legal advice) who wiggle and sashay around shopping centres.

Mini denim shorts defy all commonly understood laws of physics. They are a lot like Dr. Who’s Tardis. The volumetric mass contained within them far exceeds that which could be expected from the external dimensions of the garment. (Unfortunately I am lacking corroborative data as all attempts I’ve made to take measurements with my theodolite, micrometer and tape measure have been met with varying degrees of resistance.)

Tardis-shorts also don’t comply with the laws of gravity. They’re constantly inching higher and higher away from the Earth’s centre of gravity….presumably attempting to launch themselves, vacant and unpersoned, on new time-travel adventures into unexplored places and the distant corners of the galaxy.

All that prevents take-off is a narrow retaining band of tattered textile and frequent yanking back downwards by the owner… an average frequency of seven times every minute.
(Erudition is never the product of sloppy observation.)

Thank goodness. Let’s count our blessings.

Australia has already been sucked into a vortex of depravity, wickedness and turpitude. The last thing we need to see is seething scrums of bare-assed young sheilas mooning around public places accelerating our progress toward eternal damnation.



About GOF

"Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it, depends upon what you put into it." (Tom Lehrer)

25 responses »

  1. We’re already there, my Antipodean friend.

  2. Reblogged this on 1petermcc's Blog and commented:
    In which GOF examines the incredible shrinking garment mystery.

  3. Sometimes they travel with a muffin top too which used to be a fashion statement when the shorts were still visible. Now, not so much.

    Bring back mirrors I say. ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Thank you for the reblogging Peter, and also your academic observations regarding muffin tops. I do have questions regarding the positioning of your mirrors, but perhaps these can wait until another day. Australia started on this fashion-immorality path back when Jean Shrimpton wore that disgusting mini-skirt to the horse races in the 1960’s. I know you are just as appalled as I am.

  4. I always wanted to know someone famous. I’m sure your blog will one day become a National Treasure, GOF, as of course will yourself. Or should that be infamous. No matter, I’m quite at home with both…

    • Thank you Snowy…….my blog may well become reference material for National Institute of Psychological Disorders students.

  5. You big old liar – you love every minute of watching those short shorts wiggle on by….

  6. Hear, hear! Especially when those horrible pockets are sticking out. Reminds me of our country’s most successful white trash: Brittany Spears.

  7. I’m afraid the days of Downton Abbey type elegance are long gone. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ That pic doesn’t leave much to the imagination. ๐Ÿ™‚

    • The picture is disgusting…….but I’ll just go back and check it again to make sure I’ve got that conclusion right. Julie Andrews and Audrey Hepburn would also be appalled.

  8. “Australia has already been sucked into a vortex of depravity, wickedness and turpitude.”

    Cheers for the heads up, GOF. I’m booking my flight right now. See you in aboout 24 hours.

  9. Oh dear oh dear. It really does boggle the mind how all that mass fits into those little things without some sort of blubber explosion.

    You are awesome, GOF.

  10. I remember an article recently called The United States of Australia. Who knows what that’s about, but if you want depravity…..did you ever see that video Pants On the Ground? A 63 year old guy trying out for American Idol. Really funny song.

    • I just found an old guy called Larry Platt auditioning for American Idol. (youtube)…….I’m surprised the song is not a world-wide hit. Mind you, if I have to make a choice between viewing a 63 year old man with his pants on the ground and a 22 year old young woman………….

  11. (ps i only read the title not the article, and ps I tried to find that video but bloody corporate America wants us all to pay for it to load onto the iPad…)


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