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Observations of a bushie in town. (Part 2)

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More observations in Shopping Centres.


Ethnic deficiencies.

Australians of Anglo-Saxon origin (of which I am one) are a really ugly bunch. (86%)

Kangaroos, wombats and camels are much prettier.

ugliness scale

The growing numbers of Hispanic, Asian and Scandinavian immigrants make us look even worse.

It’s no wonder England rounded up all of our hideous forefathers who were a blight on the picturesque hills and dales before shipping them off to Australia two centuries ago. Since then we’ve just bred indiscriminately with the first person who was too slow to slam the gate shut on our libidinal inquisitiveness. The result is a genetic train wreck.

We are now a pox on the beautiful face of our wide brown land.

Cosmetic attempts are being made to beautify the human landscape. Three quarters of all men below the age of 35 now have ‘artwork’ tattooed on their arms. Just like the Mandrill monkeys with hair-capes over their shoulders and Hamadryas baboons and their striking pink buttocks, the tattoos at least provide an element of distraction from all the unsightliness existing above the neckline.


We need to clean up the joint permanently by expanding our annual Tidy Towns Competition. Allocate a special day to put all the ugly people in a bin with options;
1.  Deportation to Antarctica.
2.  Being whacked on the scone with a nulla-nulla.
3.  Shish-kebabing with a red-hot greased scimitar.
4.  Compulsory cross-breeding with a Venezuelan.
And I’m not finished yet. To be continued………………….perhaps from Antarctica or South America.


About GOF

"Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it, depends upon what you put into it." (Tom Lehrer)

29 responses »

  1. I agree. That Elle is a real turnoff, isn’t she…

    • I’ve generously included her in the “14% not ugly” sample Snowy, but this decision is based on outdated data. I might have to move her.

  2. I’m with the Antarctica vote, myself. And I claim voting rights by the fact that I have still, at this late stage in life, managed to refrain from obtaining a single tattoo. Proof of the above, however, is a mite harder to obtain. 🙂

    • I don’t like people, so I’m still tossing up between the nulla-nulla and scimitar.
      We’re both cleanskins. I could post photographic proof but I don’t think the internet is ready for that sort of thing yet. I must ask GOM about that.

  3. I have a tattoo but I’m only half white. What’s my fate?

  4. I am obviously one of the gorgeous looking 14%.

    • You’re right up there in the top percentile FD… remain the benchmark for beauty, intelligence and long pink legs.

  5. AW SHITE! I’m white and have no tattoos!!!

    If freckles count, I’m covered. -har! Covered, see?

  6. No tattoos here, either. But, gravity and longevity are doing their work! Lol. And I really do not care.
    I wouldn’t mind being a wombat, though. 🙂

    • There really is no point in worrying about the effects of aging….it’s going to happen to everyone. Even for those who spend squillions on facial plastic surgery, eventually the mask shrivels and falls off and they look even worse.

      If you are ever a wombat don’t push holes in netting fences or the farmer will come out and shoot you. 🙂

  7. No tattoos for me. I’ve never really thought of Australian men as being ugly. Crocodile Dundee was actually quite attractive. 😀

  8. As they pointed out on SNL, tatoos get pretty sad as aging skin starts to sag!


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