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The Flintstones Investigation

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(Any similarity to what is occurring with the Cairns City Place is purely intentional)
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Bedrock City Place before they dug it up.

Bedrock City Place before they dug it up.

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Silurian, Magma, GOF & Curtis.
Construction, archaeological and engineering investigators.

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7th April 2014.

 

Mrs Elizabeth Rubble,
c/- Post Office
BEDROCK

Dear Betty,
We are in receipt of your recent slate requesting an investigation into why the Bedrock City Council is taking so long to destroy your serene City Place and open it up again to cars, trucks and sauropod dinosaurs. We are appalled that 200 small businesses on Lake Street such as your Bamm-Bamm’s Boutique Babywear shop have been barricaded off from customers for several months and as a result are facing bankruptcy.

We initially sought an independent professional opinion from the Chairman of the Australian Civil Works and Engineering Guild, Sir Moses Gantry on why the project is taking an entire year to complete. He said “The Council is an unrepresentative mob of empire-building wankers who have over-engineered this project to buggery and if they’d contracted the job out to some Chinese outfit instead of overpaid Australian bureaucrats with all their bloody workplace health and safety bullshit the whole frigging job would have been finished in seven days flat.”

We consider this statement by Sir Moses, whilst substantially correct, to be inflammatory and offensive so we sent our own Mr GOF, an experienced undercover agent to investigate. He left behind the company Mercedes and replaced his Julius Marlowe shoes with Dunlop KT26 rubber soles, then disguised himself as a bearded old country yokel before visiting a City Place cafe to conduct clandestine sleuthing and surveillance operations.

This company has a policy of circumspection when it comes to the presentation of reports but we are nevertheless now in a position to reveal why this project will take donkey’s years to complete.
The following video evidence collected during last Tuesday’s frenetic construction phase would suggest that work practices on-site are probably not achieving the highest levels of efficiency and urgency which you should reasonably expect from the Bedrock City Council.

Please accept these findings with our compliments.

Yours Faithfully,

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Clay Silurian
Senior Partner

 

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-U7DFVD42n0
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About GOF

"Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it, depends upon what you put into it." (Tom Lehrer)

22 responses »

  1. LOL @ the video – that pesky wheelbarrow had me laughing!

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  2. I really feel sorry for those businesses.

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  3. It’s not just Australia. In the “big city” near me the city decided to build a new “convention center/hotel/shopping complex” right in the middle of one of the highest crime areas. When they closed the street for renovation, many long time businesses (legitimate ones along with the brothels and crack houses) were forced into shutting down … then the city claimed the buildings as “abandoned” and tore them down.

    I can only imagine how pleased and delighted the drug dealers, ladies of the evening (and high noon in that part of town), and the muggers are at the city giving them a whole new crop of targets with the clientele of the new enterprise.

    Reply
    • Your story makes one wonder about who makes these decisions and what the motivations are behind them.

      The City Place intersection is the historic heart of Cairns…everything was built around it. The pedestrian-only area was only 70 metres square yet it’s going to cost millions and take a year to join up the road on either side of it. It’s madness.

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  4. You have to be very careful with the power of a wheelbarrow. Those things take YEARS to master and even then, yearly certifications are required before the necessary insurers can be expected to take on such risky ventures — let alone possible workman’s comp.

    What they’re CLEARLY lacking is a squadron of Supervisors. In the US, this kind of undertaking is NEVER done unless there are 10 Supervisors for every one manual labourer. Just In Case.

    In this case, the placement of a cone is much less dangerous than a wheelbarrow, so they only require 4 supervisors. http://images.sodahead.com/polls/004250027/2053504522_p_street_crew_construction_start_p__37th_087_xlarge.jpeg

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    • Priceless image of the cone Lily….thank you……and I notice they need to wear crash helmets and high vis jackets to safely place a cone. 🙂

      My video of the schmozzle in Cairns was shaky because I was laughing at the time, but I’m sure the shop owners wouldn’t find anything amusing at this snail’s pace work progress.

      Reply
  5. Oh dear. I do love the background music “Where do we begin? The rubble or our sins?” It looks to me like both the rubble and the sins are winning the battle.

    I think there are too many human beings on this planet. That is the problem with everything. Too many greedy inept fumbling or just plain evil idiots.

    As with anything, there will be a balancing, and it won’t be pretty.

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    • You’ve hit the nail on the head Lauri, but how rarely do we hear politicians or economists talking about ‘too many people’. It doesn’t suit their vested interests.

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  6. It takes two men and a wheelbarrow to move a friggin’ pallet ten feet? I see they eventually gave up on workplace safety regs and just carried the durn thang.

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    • Yep….just like something out of The Flintstones. It would be funny if not for the hardship suffered by the poor shop owners in the vicinity.

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  7. In Massachusetts the construction workers would be arrested for working too hard. But give the poor fellows in that video a break, they were probably distracted trying to memorize the words so they could sing along to the blasting music.

    Honestly, I wouldn’t blame those shopkeepers if they led a revolt.

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  8. And what a beautiful square, by the way. Too bad not enough people value it.

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    • The City Place used to be really nice in ‘the old days’ Emmy with a fountain and a soundshell with a shady grassed hill nearby for people to sit and enjoy live music at lunch time. Then 7 years ago the Council spent 2 million bucks ripping it up and piazza-fying it with tiles and unshaded metal seats which were useless in the tropical sun……it still could have been improved with shade sails or more suitable trees, but no, let’s rip it up again and let the traffic flow. Sometimes I despair at the stupidity of mankind.

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  9. That video needs to be dubbed with Yakety Sax, stat.

    I feel terribly for those shop owners. Surely the city council could’ve found some way to mitigate the business losses for them…move them into a temporary site or something.

    As for City Place, I feel like it probably needed more than a lawn and a soundshell to keep it alive in 2014. People don’t just sit and hang out any more – we seem to need a lot more stimulation now. They could jazz it up with market stalls, buskers, live shows and good cafes, but there’s still the risk everyone would shirk it for the airconditioned shopping centres anyway. Who wants to cart their family in from Gordonvale and pay for parking? That said, it’s really sad to see it go. And I’m wondering how many drunks are going to get hit by cars on a Saturday night before they realise City Place is now a street.

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    • Good point…..all other methods of controlling drunks and vagrants have failed. Sorry… that was politically incorrect of me. Naughty GOF. I offered to sing and dance to bring in the crowds, but they ignored me and dug it up anyway. Some people just can’t recognise an opportunity when it stares ’em in the face.

      Reply

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