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Musical extravaganza at GOF’s Place

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(A hint for new bloggers; What follows is an example of how NOT to conduct yourself within blogging communities because it’s a sure-fire way to piss off at least 50% of your readers who will have had their prodigious talents and reputations ignored and/or misrepresented.
Fortunately my few remaining friends have low expectations of The Bucket and once again they will not be disappointed .)
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The Bureau of Meteorology has forecast a colder-than-normal winter in the Australian tropics.

SO
You are cordially invited to GOF’s Place on the Winter Solstice to enjoy 24 hours of non-stop entertainment and frivolity after you’ve weeded 10,000 of my potted bromeliads.

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DAY PROGRAM

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The highlight of this shindig will be a World Record attempt by the WordPress Ice Skating Orchestra to perform The Blue Danube Waltz by Johann Strauss Jr…………….. whilst skating one complete circuit of my farm dam which might be frozen to…….oh I dunno, maybe one and a half inches at least.
I’m hoping that’s enough ice to support the complete ensemble including Elton John’s special red grand piano which I am borrowing and mounting on top of the three landing skis that I hacksawed and souvenired off an Air Inuit Twin Otter last time I was in Canada.
I’ll happily defer to the wisdom and technical experience of my Northern Hemisphere friends in regards to the ice-thickness business. It’s quite possible that mine is slightly deficient.

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Skating Musicians;

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Lauri……………………………………………………Conductor.
Snowy ………………………………………………..First violin.
GOM …………………………………………………. Trombone.
Mike ………………………………………………….. The Red Piano.
Lily …………………………………………………….. Ukelele.
Lance …………………………………………………..Bagpipes.
PeterMc………………………………………………..Bassoon.
Inga ……………………………………………………. Triangle.
Lauowolf ………………………………………………Trumpet.
Emmy ………………………………………………… Kettle drums.
Emjay …………………………………………………. Tuba.
Ninja ……………………………………………………Cymbals
Drude …………………………………………………..French horn.
AuntieB …………………………………………………Saxophone.
Brad ……………………………………………………..Second violin.
Judy ………………………………………………………Harp.
Beth ………………………………………………………Clarinet.
(Please don’t complain to me about the allocated instruments. I know you’re all sufficiently gifted to play anything you’re given. If however as a result of my cantering senility I’ve forgotten about you altogether, please let me know ‘cos I’ve got some double basses, piccolos, rambutans and oboes moulderin’ down in my back shed.)

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Professional Staff

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Catering (sausages); Ginger FB.
Costumes, elocution and ensemble discipline; Flamingo Dancer.
Skating coach and choreography; Kimkiminy.
Bartender, photographer and rescue co-ordinator….. GOF.

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NIGHT PROGRAM
In order to ease my predicted winter misery and take my mind off all the irresponsible muddying and pollution you lot caused in my dam/drinking water supply during the day there will be a raging all-night party featuring local disco band M.C. Screwdriver and the Ring Spanners.

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Dress Code; Eskimo chic
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DT01

. . . . . …………..The Winter of my Disco-Tent

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About GOF

"Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it, depends upon what you put into it." (Tom Lehrer)

59 responses »

  1. FINALLY! Somebody has cast me in the part I’m born to play! And as a bonus, I can sing whilst strumming.

    EVERYONE WINS!

    Reply
  2. Yay! Do I get to keep the piano afterwards?

    I notice you didn’t mention the date. We’ll bring clothes for a month, and a list of special dietary treats required.

    “after you’ve weeded 10,000 of my potted bromeliads.”

    Wait, WHAT!?

    Reply
    • Yes Mike, you get to keep the piano…after you’ve hired a tractor to snig it out of the mud on the bottom of the dam.
      Don’t forget to bring a dinner jacket to cover up your life jacket…..I want you to look good on the video.
      If everybody does their share you’ll only have to weed 500 pots……snot like I’m a slave driver.

      Now I’ll go and cook breakfast and have a cup of tea while I’m waiting for crap internet to load this comment.

      Reply
      • Can’t I use your tractor? Oh, and your ute to being it home. I have a feeling it won’t fit in the back of our Yaris.

        I also don’t understand why you need all that weeding done. Inga was just there recently.

        Reply
        • I’d prefer not to get the tyres dirty on my tractor Mike, but for you I’ll make an exception. I’d consider it a privilege if you would allow me to dismantle the piano until all of it WOULD fit inside your Yaris.

          Very good point about the weeding too….apparently she contracted some unwellness on New Year’s eve which interrupted her weeding plans.

          Reply
        • Oi, that’s enough out of you thanks Mike. 😉

          Reply
  3. Yippee, now I have the impetus to pick up the harp, which might be a bit difficult on skates. But then again, give me some wings as well and the totally angelic visual will be complete. Perception is everything they say :). As for ice thickness lessons, you better get those stat as they will come in very useful to you when hell freezes over :). Hope I didn’t cause offence with use of the word “freezes”. Apologies to anyone who is offended.

    Reply
    • Glad you approve of the harp Judy…..the wings may assist you with buoyancy after everybody else falls through the ice. We have a lack of ice advice coming from those with experience….perhaps they are not taking me seriously.

      Reply
      • I live in a northern climate, and we get as much snow as anybody, but we tend to be more concerned with stats like “base depth” and “new snow.”

        (Well, by “we” I mean “they,” i.e., skiers. I’m a Colorado native-born, so naturally I’ve never been on a ski slope in my life.)

        Reply
  4. PS. Nice to see the satellite working. Did you remember put in an order to make sure it will be working on the day of the bash so that live pictures of the event can be beamed to the blogosphere?

    Reply
    • ‘Working’ is perhaps giving the satellite too much credit. In posting this story it took 40 minutes from the time I first clicked on the ‘new post’ page then pasted the words, loaded one picture and ‘published’. Some of my comments are taking 3 minutes to load after hitting the ‘post comment’ button. It’s a disgrace.

      Reply
  5. Oh my! I was a bit worried about the stress of conducting, but I see with GOF as bartender I will be in fine form in no time! I conduct myself with much more ease after a few swigs. 🙂

    Weeding bromeliads! Nothing could be more fun!

    Reply
  6. I’m pretty sure I can play the trumpet at least as well as anyone else does.
    Just make sure the rest of the lot of you are LOUD and it will be fine.
    We can drag in The Kid for actual flute bits as well.
    Will the disco tent actually be on the ice then?

    Reply
    • I’m sure your trumpet playing will be at least as good as everyone else’s efforts Lauowolf and The Kid will be a welcome addition…we need some youth in what is a pretty ancient pack of musicians.
      I think we’d better put the disco tent on solid ground otherwise M.C. Screwdriver and a few of the more vigorous dancers might vanish through the ice floor and never be seen again. Show business would mourn profusely.

      Reply
  7. Wow! That’s some party, GOF. Seeing as I’m good friends with the bartender, maybe he could fill that violin with some liquid refreshment to help me last the distance?

    Reply
    • Yep, free booze for our first violin player Snowy……plus I’ll provide a couple of young ladies to hold you in an upright position on the ice.

      Reply
  8. You’re a source of constant amazement GOF. Ever thought of running for parliament?

    Reply
  9. Colder than normal for you – so you might need to wear socks with your thongs?

    Reply
    • You’re not taking this event seriously FD…….my fashion sense should not be the main focus on this special day like it normally is. 🙂

      Reply
  10. OH…MY…GOD!!!!!

    I’ll be playing the bagpipes! I’ll be wearing Eskimo chic? That’s my favourite type of chic! We’ve got a Disco-Tent! This is going to be awesome!! I’ll start making some of my patented potato salad! (It contains copious amounts of LSD). I’m so excited!

    Reply
    • Settle down Lance. By the time you sit in a plane for 30 hours nursing a set of dribbling bagpipes the novelty might have worn off, but I’ll meet you at the airport to make sure the potato salad has safe passage to the venue. Everyone will appreciate the extra effort you’ve put into this project. 🙂

      Reply
      • Geez, Gof. I’m sorry, but you really don’t know me at all. You thoughtlessly throw around terms like ‘bagpipes’ and ‘Eskimo chic’ and then ask me to settle down? It’s a bit too late for that I’m afraid. Pandora’s box has been opened. We are through the looking glass now.

        I’ll see you at the airport. I’ll be the guy with the wheelbarrow full of potato salad.

        Reply
  11. French horn, huh? I studied French in junior high school. I do have a good accent. Maybe that’ll help.

    Reply
  12. Did I line this up right, I’m on kettle drum? I’m blown away! That’s a super fun instrument and, believe it or not, I already own one. Of course while ice skating there will be additional entertainment should I slip on the ice and put my head through it. I mean really; have you seen me walk?

    Reply
    • Yep, kettle drums for Emmy. I just guessed you’d be adept at playing them.
      I’ve already seen the competence and dignity with which you completed the Tough Mudder event, so I’m looking forward to some skating elegance from you in June.

      Reply
      • You flatter me, Sir. Of course your family’s grit and stamina helped inspire me in a big way and Australian farm life, not for the weak hearted. Although I have to tell you, as a New Englander skating in June sounds extra brave! 😀

        Reply
  13. I see you’ve passed on your musical skills (and favorite instrument) to you daughter.

    Reply
  14. Cool. My first public appearance. Will it be a “live” fish I’m playing?

    Reply
    • Oh…..I see we might have to give you a short lesson in music theory before the event Peter. Or fishing. 🙂

      Reply
      • If every one pops in the day before we should be able to nail it. Wouldn’t that be a party?

        Better make that 2 days before hand. It might take a day to get everyone to the non-GPS location. 🙂

        Reply
        • If everyone ‘pops in the day before’ everyone will apparently be crissed as pickets before the event…..music has been trumped by alcohol Pete. 🙂

          Reply
  15. Strapping on my skates now! My first directive as skating coach and choreographer is…. to order an extra-large bloody mary from the bartender.

    Reply
  16. Second violin? SECOND bloody VIOLIN????? I told you, Blues Harmonica, a carton of Coopers, an ounce of weed, or I don’t participate. Geez GOF, talk about not listening! By the way, you should stop ordering online. That styrofoam is really building up in your back yard mate 🙂

    Reply
    • Well I just knew we’d have one primadonna to deal with…..with such an abundance of talent and fragile egos it was bound to happen. I suppose next you’re gonna tell me you need the harmonica, booze and weed in reverse order! Whatever…you’ve got us by the short and curlies Brad knowing that the performance is going to be second rate without you. 🙂
      I need a strong southerly to blow my styrofoam further north.

      Reply
  17. ooooo
    Styrofoam!
    Can I play styrofoam instead of trumpet?
    I’m pretty sure it will not make much difference in the overall effect.

    Reply
  18. LOL – what a marvelous post! I’m not sure how good I’ll be on that tuba but it only has 4 buttons so it can’t be that hard…..

    Reply
    • Thanks Emjay. I just have this wonderful picture in my mind of all my blog friends getting together for such an occasion……although popular opinion seems to be that drinking might be more important than the music. 🙂

      Reply

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