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Pain in the Arse Award for 2013

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Pain in the arse
Distinguished guests, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls;
Welcome to the Universal WordPress Amphitheatre where it is my great displeasure tonight to announce the winner of The Bucket’s prestigious annual Pain In The Arse Award.

This year we are breaking new ground by giving recognition not just to a single exasperating plonker, but to an unknown number of parasitic paper-shuffling nincompoops who exhibited exceptional stupidity and ignorance, combined with a monumental lack of decency and common sense.

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Millaa Millaa is a little town in my neighbourhood with a population of 250.  It’s the sort of town which immediately brings to mind the John Denver song lyric “I spent a week there one day.”

Millaa doesn’t have much going for it these days. It’s economic boom times are long gone. The timber industry and cheese factory are both just memories residing in the minds of old-timers, and the few remaining dairy farmers are now being financially emasculated by the absurd downward-pricing policies of Australia’s supermarket duopoly.

It is a picturesque town when the weather is fine, but often it is a bleak, windswept and rain-drenched place which most travelers are more than happy to bypass in order to find somewhere more climatically hospitable.

Last year, the good folk of Millaa Millaa approached their local Council asking for a toilet to be built at the cemetery.  All that rain tends to make some old farts like me  revered community elders want to regularly dash off for a pee, even midway through funeral services, or during the interment of deceased friends.

The Council edifice eggheads  architects estimated the cost of a toilet block to be $83,000 and accordingly advised that they couldn’t afford to spend that amount of money.
Undeterred, the resourceful members of the Millaa Millaa Chamber of Commerce immediately dug deep into their own pockets, as well as the sacred cemetery soil, and built their own custom designed toilet for the princely sum of just $1300.

Millaa Millaa coffin toilet

The unique Millaa Millaa coffin-shaped toilet soon generated publicity and notoriety, and became a much-welcomed tourism drawcard for the town …….until large piles of bureaucratic and sanctimonious shit started hitting the fan of irreverent Aussie ingenuity.

In one of the most treacherous acts of administrative bastardry I have witnessed in my entire life, the Council ordered
“the immediate removal of this unauthorised structure.”

On January 25, 2013, the toilet was lifted onto the back of a truck and given a funeral service of its own through the centre of town.
Eulogies were delivered mourning the passing of common sense.

Millaa's little dunny.  Murdered by a humorless purgative pack of pathetic pen-pushers.

Millaa’s little dunny. Murdered by a humorless purgative pack of pathetic pen-pushers.

The faceless little dictators who made this decision richly deserve our 2013 Pain In The Arse Award in recognition of their managerial incompetence and the disrespectful and insensitive way that they treated the good people of Millaa Millaa, the very same people they are overpaid to serve.

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(Last year’s  Pain in the Arse Award winner here)

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About GOF

"Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it, depends upon what you put into it." (Tom Lehrer)

42 responses »

  1. I like the casket shaped toilet, not the Pain in the Arses on the town council. Why is this idiocy EVERYwhere???


    • I can’t understand what all the fuss was about. Apparently some old fuddy-duddies complained that it was disrespectful to the dead. Codswallop. Dead people need something to smile about too.

  2. I’d no idea Aussies were so tall.

  3. Do you think they can ship that restroom to me? It’s harder and harder to make it inside from my barbecue grill.

  4. I’d like to suggest a runner up for this year. The water meter dills.

    It’s just like the Oscars really. You have to get the timing right.

    • I had to sort through an awful lot of contenders Pete. Those screeching tennis chicks almost made it two years in a row. My water meter numbskulls dropped down the list after I was allowed to remove the meter.

  5. I have to admire the ingenuity of the designer of the loo. Clearly something to be discouraged at all costs by the mediocre minds that seem to cluster in local government everywhere.

  6. Reblogged this on Brad's Blog and commented:
    I was going to write a post about this dunny myself, but GOF is far more eloquent than me 🙂

    • Thanks for the reblog Brad. You could write something about it too. The more people who know about the Council’s disgraceful act the better. These office-dwellers should get out and spend some time in the real world occasionally.

  7. LOL – that was a magnificent dunny. So sad it was murdered – what a crime!

  8. I kinda don’t think the folks residing in the cemetery really give a toss what the dunny looks like, so long as people aren’t peeing in the grounds. Best themed dunny I’ve seen in a looong time 🙂

    • I understand the dunny is going to be put on display somewhere in town, but that’s not the point… belongs in the cemetery and hopefully one day common sense will prevail and it will be returned there.

  9. To slightly amend a previous observation: public servants are like nappies; they both need changing frequently and for precisely the same reason!! Unfortunately, public servants don’t seem to be as disposable…

  10. Where’s the end of the line? I got my arse-kicking leg all warmed up.

    • Priceless comment Kim…..6am and I’m a-smilin’. Miracle. Thank you.
      The line, I suspect, is very long…..all the way to America, but wouldn’t it feel good to sink a working boot into whoever was responsible. 🙂

  11. I wonder what the $83,000 one would have looked like?

  12. Much more persistent than our city fathers.
    A local artist donated a work, that is, he and some buddies went and installed a weighty statue down at the marina without asking or getting permits.
    It would cost to have it removed, so there it sits.
    (Me, I like it.)

    You’ve noticed, of course, that your guys did manage to find the funds to remove the volunteer fixture.
    And apparently have relocated it somewhere more exploitable as a tourist feature.
    So now they’vd spent money on it, and there still isn’t a toilet at the cemetery.
    Wow, that is such a win.

    • Seems like there are plagues of bureaucratic nonsense to be found all over the world Lauowolf.

      I suspect the Millaa chamber of commerce were threatened with legal action if they didn’t voluntarily remove the toilet, and even though it’s at some other location in town it’s lost the context of being located among cemetery headstones. Some people have no sense of humour. It’s just a sad loss for the town…….it really is.

  13. Speaking of pains in the ass, GOF, I’ve “hit” you for a blogging “Tag you must answer all my questions” game ( You may answer or not, play or not. I won’t judge you.


    • Thank you Elyse….I am honoured, but with your ‘hitting’ me comes the awesome responsibility whereby you have to provide all the extra sunshine necessary for me to have sufficient electricity to do whatever is expected of me. (I am a virgin ‘question answering’ person) I shall wait expectantly for sun to force it’s way through the present persistent fog.

      • I am not sunshiney enough for you GOF? Well that just ticks me off.

        You may answer the questions whenever or you may ignore them. Or you can put them away in a safe place for some day when you might need them (which, if you are anything like me, means you will never see those questions again.) Whatever suits you.

        • It’s just that your extraordinary sunshine-iness hasn’t reached the southern hemisphere yet Elyse……I would expect it any week now and when it arrives I will answer your thoughtful questions in great detail.

  14. Both a pain in the arse and a pain in the bladder. Sounds like worthy winners to me!

  15. Bureaucracy is the same the world over. No matter how practical or economical something is, if they didn’t give you permission to do it first, It has to go.
    On the bright side, if someone decided to fight “The Man” and actually won, your trophy could double as a Nailing Their Ass to the Wall trophy!
    Um, yeah…

    • Yep, I guess we should be thankful not to have a military dictatorship…..the consequences of ingenuity could be much worse……oh and I’m impressed with your ‘ass nailing’ observation. Great idea. 🙂

      • I’ve PM’d you a little something for amusement/blogging opportunities. I believe the Bureaucratism model has some relevance to this discussion, especially in light of Auntie’s contribution. Personally, the cited Australian corporate model seems much better! 😀

        Not that this sitting in port doing s*d all is boring or anything!


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