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The Summer of my Discontent.

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Normally on Christmas Day Mrs GOF cheerfully decorates, cooks, drinks more red wine than is strictly required to reap any health benefits, and entertains the neighbours, whilst I play my usual role as a joyless yuletide yoke around her neck.

This year I was so deficient in wives upon which to inflict this misery, and so sick of living on Weetbix, that I carted my dismal countenance off down the mountain range to Cairns to see if I could at least find some personal happiness by casting a shadow of gloom over some unsuspecting strangers and foreign tourists who hitherto had been enjoying their day on the Esplanade.

Here are some highlights of my day;

Obstructing pedestrians on the boardwalk along Trinity Inlet.

Obstructing pedestrians on the boardwalk along Trinity Inlet.

Threatened to seriously thump some younguns at BoxinFun

Threatened to seriously thump some younguns at BoxinFun

Hijacked a buggy and terrorised a group of senior citizens at the Marina.

Hijacked a buggy and terrorised a group of senior citizens at the Marina.

Canceled swimming intentions after being mobbed by young women as soon as they saw me in my Speedos.

Canceled swimming intentions after being mobbed by young women as soon as they saw me in my Speedos.

Being escorted from the helipad after offering to fly the next group of tourists out to the reef.

Being escorted from the helipad after offering to fly the next group of tourists out to the reef.

Inhaled some refreshing Eau de Greasetrap wafting over the mudflats on the south-easterly breeze.

Inhaled some refreshing Eau de Greasetrap wafting over the mudflats on the south-easterly breeze.

Police confiscated my slingshot at Cairns Library.

Police confiscated my slingshot at Cairns Library.

Found great amusement at people who had left cars parked beneath the fruit bat colony.

Found great amusement at people who had left cars parked beneath the fruit bat colony.

ROFL (Rolling on the footpath laughing) at some tourist's windscreen. (Very happy GOF) :-)

ROFL (Rolling on the footpath laughing) at some tourist’s windscreen. (Very happy GOF) 🙂

Extreme disappointment when told that tours of Honey were unavailable on Christmas Day.

Extreme disappointment when told that tours of Honey were unavailable on Christmas Day.

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About GOF

"Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it, depends upon what you put into it." (Tom Lehrer)

31 responses »

  1. You should have made off with the chopper and buzzed the beach anyway!

    Reply
    • If I’d tried to make off with the chopper Ninja I would have kerplopped a million bucks worth of aircraft over the side of the pontoon into the ocean…….but thanks for your vote of confidence in my aviation abilities. 🙂

      Reply
  2. I wish we’d known you were down here. I would have tried to convince you to join us fro lunch.

    Reply
  3. Looks like a wonderful place to spend the day. Not, however, under the fruit bat colony! When does Mrs. GOF get back?

    Reply
    • She’s back in body Lauri, but her mind is still in PNG.
      I really did enjoy my day on the Esplanade. It’s a world class redevelopment of what was previously a very unattractive part of town.

      Reply
  4. Dear Scrooge…..I mean, GOF! So glad you had a happy Christmas Day!!

    Reply
  5. He LIVES! Wow, you braved the bright lights of Cairns, eh? Looks like a happy day out. I’m proud you shared it with us. Cairns is quite a ride from here.

    Reply
    • My pleasure to share my Christmas Day with you Lily, and according to a little signpost in the middle of Cairns we are approximately 15,000 kilometres from your place.

      Reply
  6. Really? You would have chosen Boxin Fun over Beach Volleyball?

    Did you get to see Mr. Bond?

    Reply
    • BoxinFun was readily accessible to ‘gentlemen of maturity’ whereas I might have aroused police suspicion in my Speedos frolicking with the beach volleyball girls.

      No theatres were open on Christmas day so I still haven’t seen Mr Bond. Apparently Skyfall is a good movie, but 2 and a half hours is a long time for me to sit in one place.

      Reply
      • I agree about the 2.5 hours … and so does my bladder. The “Pause” button is a good thing.

        Reply
        • Exactly…and another thing that pisses me off about movie theatres is that if I’m paying so much to see the movie, why is it that I have to sit through 15 or 20 minutes of advertisements and promotions before the damn movie that I paid for even begins. Holy shit, I need to go and empty my bladder at least once before the movie even starts.

          I think I need to go back to bed then start this day afresh…..my grumpiness is peaking very early.

          Reply
  7. Sumer Christmas looking pretty good there.
    In California we don’t get scenic white Christmas, just cold soggy holiday rain.
    Sigh.
    But, hey, HERE YOU ARE!
    I lost track of you in the Great Vox Dispersal.
    Now I have days and days of catching up.
    Late Christmas gift, that.

    Reply
    • Thanks for dropping by Lauowolf. Many of us miss the old Vox community.
      I’ve just been checking how you’ve been and I wish you well in 2013 and hope you recover fully from your recent health problems.

      Reply
  8. It looks like a perfect holiday, GOF. I hate all the Hooplah, more and more.

    Reply
  9. Oh, they offered Zumba classes! That’s where you should have taken your speedos, GOF. Swooning would surely ensue.

    Love the bat’s handiwork. Looks like a Jackson Pollock painting.

    Reply

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