In the beginning God created a wheel unto which man joined sticks with a receptacle on top and verily called it a wheelbarrow.
The Lord looked down upon the wheelbarrow and was mightily pleased so he rewarded the industry of man by sending two different wheels for man to build a bicycle, whereupon man himself was filled with joy everlasting and copied the wheels, and made millions of bicycles which he used to spread enlightenment further and faster all over the world wherever the land was flat, and without trees and rocks and nails and mud and rivers.
And it came to pass that the fastest rider of them all was Lance, the son of Armstrong, so the Lord interceded and spake directly unto Lance; “Thou shalt ride over the mountains of Europe to the east for ten days and then return unto the shade of the Eiffel tree in the west. Unto thee I will provide secret potions and herbs for you to imbibe so that thou shalt be the fastest man in all the land for seven more years.”
But after seven years had passed the Lord looked down and saw that Lance was not humble and that he was filled with belligerence and untruth and greed and desire so He ignored Lance and spake instead unto a faithful disciple who was also a tabloid journalist; “Pssst,…. God here…….unto thee alone I present this scoop of unprecedented proportions” following which came the day of judgment for Lance, and the name of Armstrong didst stink forever after like someone elses baby’s poo.
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