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If only I knew back then……..

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Today just sorta snuck up on me disguised as one of the previous 23,375 days.

No doubt a couple of the usual suspects will fail to respect the dignity of the occasion and take the opportunity to poke fun at my senescence. The majority will however, in the spirit of generous charitable bloggery, send to me a gift from the following list to ease my misery, distress and utter despair.

Please send to GOF, c/- Church of the Ancient
and Bewildered, Queensland, Australia.


Walking cane/snake killing stick, heavy duty.
Metamucil (carton of 12 large tins)
Magnifying glass.
Anusol (pack of 24 tubes)
Voucher for funeral insurance.
Meat tenderiser.
Bib, large, plastic, preferably porridge colour.
Polident (bulk pack)
Subscription to Hot Grannies Magazine.
Bigger magnifying glass to suit perusal H.G.M.
Bladder enlarger, painless.
Neck chain for spectacles.
Neck chain for television remote control.
Neck chain for car keys.
Neck chain for wallet.
Neck chain for coffee mug.
Porsche, convertible, red.
Toupee, wind resistant to 250kph.
Pajamas, Homer Simpson print, wind resistant.

*      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *

And the following is my gift to you in return;
The Sydney Opera House Ship Song Project featuring some of Australia’s finest popular singing and dancing talent.

*      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *       *      *        *

P.S.  A daughter’s view of GOF’s birthday achievement may be found  HERE .

*      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *       *      *        *

About GOF

"Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it, depends upon what you put into it." (Tom Lehrer)

29 responses »

  1. OK. Enough with the metamucil jokes. I’ve been taking it since I was 15 …

    Happy Birthday GOF! And thanks for the video.

  2. I played the video while I typed my comment — then I saw the pictures. Those folks are 164, not 64. We are not that decrepit. We will not be there for a very long time…

    • “We are not that decrepit”……well YOU certainly are not that decrepit Elyse, but the first old codger smoking the pipe very much resembles what I see in the mirror almost every day. If I ever catch him I’m going to have him sent to an appropriate institution.

  3. LOL!
    Happy happy birthday!!!
    Stringbean is purring so loudly I am surprised you can’t hear him from here! He’s on my lap.
    You’ll never be old!
    Lol at your gift list. Oy.

    • Thank you Lauri…..the stick is top of my list because we have mating snakes banging around in the ceiling every night at the moment. Please give Stringbean a pat for me…..what an appropriate name. 🙂

  4. Happy Birthday, GOF, and congratulations on still being young enough to acknowledge them. I’m sending you my spare neckchain for a neckchain just as soon as I can find the durned thing…

  5. Wind proof, Homer Simpson jim jams.

    You will cut a dashing figure as you thump the heavy duty walking stick on the ceiling to distract the copulating cobras. (Sorry. Cobras were the only snake name I could think of that rhymes.)

    • “Wind proof, Homer Simpson jim jams.”
      Very important Peter……modern Chinese jarmies just don’t cut it after a vegetable stew dinner. I think if they were cobras I’d need a longer stick than I use for brown tree snakes. 🙂 (I actually wait under the eaves until they stick their lusty heads out then flog the **** out of them. I’m not going to have this sort of hanky panky going on under my roof) We don’t need TV around here with this sort of entertainment going on.

  6. Happy Birthday, GOF! 🙂 And I hope it really has been a happy day for you! Enjoyed the humor in the items on your list, but also caught myself thinking more than a few times, “Yeah, I could use one of those.” or “Now that’s a very good idea!” and… I was serious! Which just goes to show that if getting older is like a race… although I was later than you getting off the starting gun, I’m gaining ground on you more quickly every day. But, who cares? Because right now I don’t give a rat’s ass about it. Maybe tomorrow I will, but I’ll deal with that tomorrow.

    All joking aside, I was genuinely moved by the musical performances featured in “The Ship Song Project” video, and I’ve never seen the inside of the Sydney Opera House, which is beautiful. I can see why Australians are proud of it, as well you should be, and proud of your country’s musical talent. I watched and listened to the Ship Song Project first, and then your Beatles selection, which was the ideal conclusion for your musical entertainment here. Happy Birthday again GOF, and I’m glad I made it to your Birthday Blog party, 🙂

    • Thanks for your company at my blog birthday party Chris for it is the only one I’ll be having. It is such a perfect weather day here today and I’ve just completed my bike ride and walk through the rainforest so there is nothing more I require today. The most important asset I possess is good health and to date I don’t need most of the items on the list.

      Perhaps you have a better attitude to ageing than I do ….someone once said to treasure each day while living it as though we were going to live forever. I tend more towards forward planning which unfortunately can’t avoid certain inevitabilities. I guess we all have to deal with ‘tomorrow’ individually.

      I’ve never seen the inside of the Opera House, but I do love the Ship Song and the way they gathered all the talent together to perform it.

  7. Don’t get your Anusol and Polident mixed up. 😉

    Happy birthday you spring chook you. I’ll still love ya when you’re 64, provided I’m still in the will.

    • “provided I’m still in the will.”
      After what you wrote on your blog it’s currently under active reconsideration. 🙂

      Thanks for making my day special… different ways.

  8. Haaaaapppy birfday!!!!
    I love that song! thanks for posting it. Wind resistant toupee… I bet I have one of those lying around – Oh, there he is, the cat… will short haired and stripey do? he comes with scalp-attaching sharp ends… and a very wind resistant attitude.
    Oh wait, he says there’s a sunbeam he has to catch… it’ll have to wait then… attitude, sharp ends, you know.

    • Thank you Drude…..when I recalled the Beatles song for this story I thought it was humorously poking fun at old folk, but when I read the lyrics I was surprised to find some thoughtfulness in there. I should not have been surprised considering it was the product of Lennon-McCarrtney songwriting genius, even though they were only youngsters when they wrote this song.

      Thank you for your kind offer, but I could probably do without a toupee-with-attitude at this stage of my life. 🙂

  9. I think the neck chain idea is great, but don’t you have a new pooch? Just use the fetch command and you can have all those items delivered nice and slobbery.

    Happy Birthday, my friend. You are still young and vital. Hope you enjoyed your bike ride as you told Chris. And thanks muchly for that Opera House experience. Lovely.

  10. I’m really tempted to say that if Inga would only suspend the “no one younger than me” rule you wouldn’t need a subscription to HGM … but I think I already pressed my luck too far in the above comment, so I won’t.

    Happy birthday. 44 more years and I’ll catch up to you … (HA!)

    • Thank you GOM. I’m going to circulate a petition to have her stupid rule revoked…..after all she could be a grandma herself now if she’d started procreating instead of completing Grade 10.
      Every year our age gap narrows in percentage terms… eventually you’ll be older than me.

    • Those rules are in place for the safety and wellbeing of women everywhere. There will be no revoking, thank you.

  11. With all those neck chains, you’re bound to look like Mr. T! Happy solar return, GOF!

    • Thank you MT……I still enjoy watching the old A Team episodes….they have withstood the test of time……they don’t make bloodless mindless nonsense any more…pity.


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