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My truck needs change of oil

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(Some lamentable little lines from GOF’s profane pen)

Now I’m getting older,
An expert I’ve become
In the management of time
And getting plenty done.

Gotta change the oil today,
Lest engine shits itself.
But where’s the friggin’ oil
Disappeared from off the shelf?

At least the ladder’s here, so
I’ll clean roof spout instead
If I don’t fall off the bastard
And end up stone cold dead.

Well bugger me it’s full
Of leaves and other shit.
Wonder where it came from.
Drink tea,…. and think a bit.

Has to be that bloody tree
Grown right up past the roof.
First I’d better chop it down.
I need no further proof.

So where’s the effen chainsaw?
Put somewhere I’ve forgotten.
To fell that mongrel tree.
Memory’s gone, ratshit and rotten.

Well now I see the bastard
Under junk and in the gloom.
The shed needs cleaning up
To give myself some room.

First we’ll start the powerplant
To light up all this shite.
If I begin working now
I’ll be finished by midnight.

But power engine stopped last night
“Low oil” the cutoff warned.
“Well I’ll be stuffed” I muttered
Why was I ever borned.”

So lubricant I’ll fetch
To sate the thirsty bitch.
Then clean the shed, fix the saw,
Chop tree without a hitch.

I wonder where the oil went?
‘Twas here the other day.
The ladder’s gone as well
What fool took that away?

Day is done. Getting dark.
I’m weary. Endless toil.
Must not forget tomorrow
My truck needs change of oil.

*      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *

About GOF

"Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it, depends upon what you put into it." (Tom Lehrer)

21 responses »

  1. LOL! That’s excellent. I hate it when trees shit in the gutter too.

    Reply
    • Thanks Mike. Yeah…someone orta go around and chop all the trees down……they’re occupying all the space that could be used for something useful…..like freeways, carparks and more human beings on earth.

      Reply
  2. I suspect chicanery of the highest order. What evil villain hast pinched the royal oil from the Mighty GOF?

    Reply
    • There’s only 3 other possibilities around here Rich. Mrs GOF, the dog and the cat……..with an additional and extremely remote extra possibility that I just can’t remember where I left the oil last time I used it.

      It’s a cruel world.

      Reply
  3. I finally understand a poem. Thanks GOF!

    Reply
  4. Loved this ditty straight from GOF
    I bet “bugger me” causes some to cough
    With other Aussisms scattered thoughout
    This poem is sure to win GOF some clout

    A blogger who writes these sorts of rhymes
    Is the most wonderful of finds
    ‘Cause schloky poetry is its own form of art
    To the discerning few who play their part

    Take a man with a shed and add a truck
    It’s gotta be a winner, no need for luck
    Hope you get that engine humming
    And keep thie wonderful prose acoming!

    This post is so my style 🙂 – thanks!

    Reply
  5. If my father had written this poem, he would have concluded that I stole the oil and hid the chainsaw and ladder. ON PURPOSE! Because I’m female, and he believes our sex was created to bedevil good men like himself. If I point out the trail of oil he’s left all over the garage floor or that the last time I saw the chainsaw, he was lugging it into the truck, he’d then swear I was making it up.

    I really need to think of something truly irritating and do it. On purpose. Just for Father’s Day.

    Reply
    • Thanks for your story HG. Unfortunately there is no-one else around here who I can blame……although occasionally I abuse the dog for things he didn’t do just to make myself feel better.

      I think I need to go for another counselling session.

      Reply
  6. As the young ones are saying these days, I totes heart this.

    Reply
  7. SO funny! And so now you’re a poet too?

    Reply
  8. Awesome! Another gem to add to my collection! 😀

    Reply
  9. Australia’s poet laureate!

    Reply

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