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I thought it wouldn’t go……….but……..

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THEN IT DID!!!!!

Dear Friends of The Bucket,
 
It is an astonishing world in which we live.
 
Today it is my pleasure to present this scholarly treatise detailing five examples of astonishment for your edification;
(The final one provides perhaps a little more detail than was entirely necessary in the circumstances.)

*      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *

1.    I thought that 8 wouldn’t go into 4. At least that’s what my Grade One teacher Miss Tong Wei taught me about arithmetic. She said that 4 goes into 8 alright, but there’s no way that 8 will go into 4 because 8 is bigger than 4 and therefore it just won’t go…….

……but then it did……two years later in Grade 3, Mr Bull showed us that 8  WILL go into 4 and what we ended up with was something called a Fraction.

*      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *

.

2.  I thought that an incompetent nincompoop wouldn’t ever go and get elected to the most powerful and influential political office in the world……..

……but then one did and what we ended up with was something called  A Slightly Greater-Than-Normal Global Shambles.

.

*      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *

3.  I thought that a feral pig wouldn’t ever go and root around at night in my potting mix pile which was protected by wire mesh, sheets of iron and flashing solar lights ……..

……but then one did and we ended up with something called a Pissed-off Mad-as-frickin-hell Gun-totin’ Night-patrolling GOF.

*      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *

4.    I thought that a plucked chicken wouldn’t go and fit up the backside of a dead duck prior to both of them in turn being shoved all the way up a deceased turkey’s arse before the whole unnatural bloody mess was inserted into a hot oven to cook for 6 hours………

……but then one did and we ended up with something called a Turducken.

*      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *

5.    I thought that my neighbour wouldn’t go and fit into a minuscule bikini……..

…….but then she did, and what we ended up with was something called Excellent Viewing.

.

.

.

.

.

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About GOF

"Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it, depends upon what you put into it." (Tom Lehrer)

27 responses »

  1. You thought I’d be asking about your neighbour didn’t you. You were right. Again. Don’t the mozzies bother her?

    Reply
    • She asks me to rub mosquito repellent all over her body every day Snowy……oops, I’m distracted…..now what was I supposed to be talking to you about…….oh yes……she has no problem with mozzies.

      Reply
  2. Can we swap neighbors?

    Reply
    • Only if yours has a smaller bikini than mine Lance. I didn’t get to be this age without acquiring some knowledge about what constitutes “fair trade”. 🙂

      Reply
  3. I’m not into chicks and I can’t help looking at that monstrosity–I mean the women. Bless her heart. Look what she has done to herself. I hope she gets lots of money for just showing and all the pain of that surgery and what-nought doesn’t require “further work” on her part.

    That said: KILLKILLKILL

    Bobby BROKE his big, heavy, solid leather collar last night. He raised hell for about 4 hours (I stuck my head out twice but didn’t walk out because BAD things happen when I leave the house wearing my nightdress, toting a rifle–things get shot and I didn’t want it to be Bobby or myself…besides, it’s gone 37C here and hauling carcasses to the hidey-places is a rough tote).

    🙂

    Seriously, some time this weekend, I have to go troll the woods to see if I can find his rabies tags and whatever he got (cos he didn’t bring it back — I told Dutch there may be some methheads down the back).

    Reply
    • I am at a loss to know why girls who apparently “have it all” decide to mutilate themselves in some futile attempt to improve upon perfection either MT.

      Thanks for the “Bobby story”….the night following pig’s last visit to the pile I camped out in a nearby shed intent upon killing something…..fortunately I made out the vague shape of our dog Nelson sniffing around the pile before I pulled the trigger.

      Reply
  4. Let me review: NEIGHBOUR……something about math….blah blah……NEIGHBOUR…..politics I think…..blah blah…….NEIGHBOUR…….wildlife and gun toting or something…….NEIGHBOUR……food I guess….oh, and let’s not forget NEIGHBOUR.
    I think I captured the essence.

    Reply
    • There can be no greater reward for a blogger than to have all the fine detail of his scholarly works read and understood. It is a great pleasure to have you in attendance, Rich.

      Reply
  5. My boyfriend is learning to come running over to my computer when I mention I am reading your blog.

    He really likes math.

    Reply
    • Keep giving your boyfriend little rewards for running to your computer or any other task you would like him to perform LOM. Give him something sweet….like chocolate…..in no time he’ll be a mathematical genius.

      PS….I lost your blog addy when the automatic redirect to your new domain ceased.
      I’d like to keep up with your photography adventures if you could let me know the new address. (privately if necessary via message box in sidebar)

      Reply
    • There should be a like button on replies.

      Reply
  6. Bikini? What bikini? You mean those band-aids?

    Reply
  7. Your neighbor sure beats the crap out of Turducken.

    I apologise unreservedly for the first sentence. Even with a “z” for your American friends.

    Reply
    • I got indigestion just at the thought of eating a Turducken.
      It won’t do me any good at all to think about my “neighbour”.

      Reply
  8. I LOVED this post!!! Most of all, the thrilling conclusion!

    Now I’ll have to go back and actually read the rest of it… Lol

    Reply
    • Nah, don’t bother, you found the best bit Chris.

      Reply
      • I KNEW IT!!! No, not that I found the best bit, and shouldn’t bother to read the rest, but that WordPress isn’t sending me my comment and reply notifications today! You replied to my comment almost two hours ago, and I never knew it until you commented on my diving post, and I popped over here to pay you a visit.

        No wonder I haven’t been hearing from anyone today. I thought I’d developed a nasty case of virtual bad breath! Lol

        Reply
  9. *shaking my head* At least I can shake my head without my bandaids falling off.

    Lol. You guyz are hilarious.

    Reply
  10. I’m sneaking in some WP time at work so I’m glad you had those lines of . .(dots)…… so I had time to minimize my screen. Of course now that I’m right down here in the reply section I can’t risk scrolling back up to see what you’d been writing about before the neighbour popped in.

    Reply
  11. That young lass will catch a death! Tell her to put some warm clothes on.

    Reply
    • Sorry about my lack of reply Brad…I was pissed off with the world at the time and on a blogging vacation……by popular demand (and for my own enjoyment) the young lady is about to make a reappearance later this week.;-)

      Reply

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