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Scientific subterfuge

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It is an International disgrace.

I have half a mind …………..to pack up my laboratory, turn my back on civilised society and head for a plot of land somewhere in the middle of the jungle to spend the remainder of my life reading rain gauges and chasing feral pigs out of my garden.

I am of course referring to the following insult upon my intellectual property;

The Mouse Grimace Scale. 

This inferior scholastic treatise came out of McGill University and the University of British Columbia in Canada and has now been accepted as the standard scale for measuring the degree of pain and discomfort suffered by animals during experimentation.

Well let me tell you exactly what it is.

It is nothing more than a thinly-veiled plagiarism of my 1974
ground-breaking profound gift to the biological sciences;

GOF’s  Wombat  Anal-Sphincter  Clench  Scale

0  volts …………………….  ۝

10 volts …………………..   O

20 volts ………………….    0

30 volts ………………….    Ϙ  

40 volts ………………….    Ố  

50 volts ………………….    Ѳ

60 volts ………………….    ỗ  

70 volts …………………    ☼

80 volts ……………………  ᴕ

90 volts ……………………  ¤

100 volts ………………….   ו

***********************************************************************

I am enraged that the developers of the Mouse Grimace Scale have been lauded with academic recognition when all I received after conducting seven years of diligent scientific experimentation was a six-month term in Boggo Road Jail for animal cruelty.

It is indeed a cruel world.

.

I don’t want to talk about it.
.

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About GOF

"Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it, depends upon what you put into it." (Tom Lehrer)

20 responses »

  1. *Snorts quietly* *sneaks out of room*

    Reply
  2. Clearly a man before your time, GOF. You’ll probably become famous after you shuffle off this mortal coil. There, that should make you feel better…

    Reply
    • Thank you for your commiserations Snowy……and to think of all the electricity and sets of jumper leads I wasted on those bloody wombats…….just to be superceded by a dopey lot of stupid Canadian rats. Is 6 am too early for rum and coke?

      Reply
  3. Remember that cartoon with the phrase “I hate those meeces to pieces” – wise words as always from you!

    Reply
  4. After umpteen years of experimenting on mice, someone finally decided to try to figure out a way how much pain they were in? Really?

    I just figured when they screamed it hurt … when they quit screaming it quit hurting. Or they were dead.

    Reply
    • I’m equally bewildered GOM. I think they even claim that facial expressions can be used to measure pain in humans…..well DUH! Most people also have an effective vocabulary ranging from “Golly gosh that hurts a little” right up to “Holy freaking crap that feels like I’m giving birth to a hippopotamus” which would make all their research somewhat irrelevant anyway.

      Reply
      • I will say that they use those facial expression things for people – like my mother was – who are not able to communicate. But I will also say that I didn’t quite agree with the “professional” assessments on a lot of that, because my mother made a variety of facial expressions without having any idea what she was doing – or why.

        One of these days someone’s going to discover that mice just develop cancer naturally, like making faces at each other, and have all mazes memorized – they just know that if they keep failing at tests they’ll be kept alive and well fed.

        Reply
        • I’m sure nobody knew your mother’s facial expressions better than you….but I’m sure the professionals would not have even considered that possibility.

          Re mice; Common sense apparently has little place in the world of scientific discovery GOM…..you and I had better stick with jobs we currently have.

          Reply
  5. I see it’s time to send Mrs GOF home then.

    Reply
  6. I thought you had already abandoned civilisation GOF. (I am irritating WordPress by using the s in civilisation you will note. I can deal with the red squiggly line.)

    Your Wombat sphincter work must have been peer reviewed in a less read journal. Perhaps you can sue and make buckets of money? There appears to be a lot of interest in sphincter measurement especially in our prisons.

    Reply
    • I’ve completely gone off sphincter measurement Peter.
      If the world doesn’t want to recognise (another ‘s’ to annoy the spellcheck) my experimental genius then I will turn my back on it.

      Reply
  7. Reblogged this on 1petermcc's Blog and commented:
    GOF gets plagiariser AGAIN.

    Reply
  8. This is fascinating but isn’t applicable to the state I find most of Bobby’s experiments. I’m fairly sure it was most of a mouse that he was rolling on last night but as I told Papa, “It may be a hindquarters of a mostly digested teenaged rabbit.”

    So hard to tell when it’s not all there…

    Reply
    • We have the same problem with our pooch, but it mostly involves dead bandicoots or wallabies…..they smell similar to dead mice……but then again, maybe that’s another research opportunity for me.

      Reply

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