Tonight as I lay me down to sleep I give thanks for all that you have provided in my life and apologise for all those times when I believed that you never existed.
I am grateful for the air which you have given me to breathe, and for the carbon monoxide with which it is laced whenever I go into town.
It is with astonishment and wonder that I observe your 20,000 strong colony of flying foxes resident in the big trees outside the Cairns City Library, and at the sheer volume of excrement and regurgitated offerings produced by them which stained my very best town shirt and pants yesterday and began eroding the paintwork on my ute which was verily parked beneath these trees.
Thank you for all the birds, including those whose morning and evensong bookend my days, but mostly for the hundreds of others who had migrated from all the continents on Earth and were cavorting in the briefest of bikinis last Sunday afternoon completely filling the two acres of lawns surrounding the Cairns Lagoon swimming pool.
You fooled me into believing that I had suddenly gone to heaven you crafty old devil.
I know that you are not a vengeful God…..except for those times when you unleashed lightning bolts upon delinquent golfers who were frittering their lives away by wandering around aimlessly after little white balls……however;
Please cast your omnipotent eyeball upon my old “guaranteed weatherproof” satellite internet outdoor unit. (ODU)
You see God, (Oh silly me, of course you can see) the water from the ODU migrates down the inside of 7 metres of coaxial cable filling up my modem before dribbling out onto the carpet of my office making Mrs GOF believe that I have become prematurely incontinent.
This is the 8th time in 4 years that I’ve had to completely replace all my electronic hardware which leaves me without internet access for 2 weeks every time and I don’t need to remind you that on the scale of world calamities this is right up there with the biggest of ’em, so could you possibly arrange some retribution on my behalf for the equipment manufacturers?
Maybe a jolly good smiting around the head with some sort of large fish if you have any left over from your creation days or an artificially induced famine in the ODU’s country of origin if you have a few minutes to make all the food miraculously disappear from the shelves of their supermarkets.
Anyway, it’s probably not up to me to advise you in regard to Almighty Interventionist Policy, so please email me a couple of pictures of whatever you see fit to do so I can keep The Bucket’s tolerant readers fully informed. Thank you.
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