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Until today I have avoided the personal questionnaires which periodically circulate amongst bloggers. Invariably however I always enjoyed reading any honest and thoughtful responses which were made by other writers, so herewith is my first, and probably last attempt.

In order to give you a fighting chance of being bothered to read even half of it, I have omitted those questions which have little relevance to my circumstances and paraphrased others, so for the full list of questions please visit MT’s blog  from whence I purloined it.

1. Why did you sign up for writing your blog.

Both my parents died a long time ago. Now in my own senior years,
I still regret that I failed to ask them about their inner feelings and philosophies of life or how they lived the first 40 years of their lives before I was born. I vowed not to leave my own children wondering about me, so this blog was born to provide them with a detailed account of my life and the principles and motivations which have driven it.

I also felt a responsibility to post some of my old Papua New Guinea photographs and memoirs in a public arena because they might in future have some historical value to someone.

2. How did you choose your blog’s name? What does it mean?

The bilgebucket” is self-explanatory.

Somewhere along the way my whale of honorable blogging intention beached itself upon the sands of mediocrity, and the stench from it’s decomposing carcase has been polluting the atmosphere of my WordPress neighbourhood ever since.

GOF = Grumpy Old Fart.  Again self-evident.

3. Do you own another blog?

I have tried other blog sites in the past, but have been dissatisfied with various aspects of them. My home is here on WordPress.

4. What do you do online when you are not on your blog?

We are not connected to the power grid. My daily computer usage is governed by the output of our small solar powered electricity system. It varies between zero hours in the middle of the wet season when the sun does not shine for weeks on end, and 2 hours per day in the dry season.

Blogging occupies 80% of this time, 18% is for research, 1% for email, and 1% looking at pictures of pretty girls.
Holy Cow! Did you see that? My nose just sprouted an extra half inch.
I’ll be damned.  Alright, truth be told it’s actually  80:17:1:2.
Dammit! Again! For crying out loud, does anyone know the address of a good rhinoplasty surgeon?

What a stupid question. Knew I should never have started this dumb survey.

5. How about when you are not on the computer?

I mooch around in my bromeliad plant nursery to earn a living, musically mutilate old romantic standards and Elton John classics on the piano and go for bicycle rides and long walks in the surrounding National Park rainforest.
Vast amounts of my time are spent dreaming up bullshit  fanciful blog stories and then writing and rewriting them in longhand. These hours could probably be better spent on more potentially lucrative activities such as learning how to pick locks or studying to become a brain surgeon for the rich and famous.

6. What do you wish people who read your blog knew about you?

(a)  Self-deprecation comes easily to many Australians, as does droll tongue-in-cheek storytelling.

(b) The outgoing blithering fictional character of GOF as portrayed in many of my stories shares very few similarities to my real-life persona. I simply enjoy creating tales about someone who lives his life unrestrained by the social expectations of Australian society.

(c) I am not really a Grumpy Old Fart. Well not very often.
Mostly I’m a happy contented soul, but aided by a contrary gift of nature and my own deliberate fabrication I present to the world a rather dour and grumpy facade.  This works well for me….. people tend not to give me any face to face crap.

8. What is your philosophy on your blog layout?

Simplicity and ease of navigation. I need to enjoy the look of it and immediately be able to see if someone has left a comment because I like to courteously respond to comments as quickly as possible.

9. Tell me about the picture you use to represent you on your blog.

To begin with I was hesitant about using a real-life photograph because of privacy issues, but as I’ve got nothing to hide and few valuables worth stealing it doesn’t bother me any more.
I am beginning however to feel nauseous when I see multiple images of myself in the sidebar “comment” space, so a change is probably imminent.

10. Pick three random blogs from your blogroll and tell us about them.

You have to be joking. GOF resorting to favouritism? I can’t afford any more dissatisfied blogroll customers thank you very much, but it would be remiss of me not to single out one special blogger.

Snowy  was the very first commenter on my blog some years ago, and he graciously gave me a blogging leg-up with a promotion on his very popular Vox blog.
Snowy set the bar extremely high when it came to professionalism and blog content. (apart from that one lapse of concentration)
He also gave me an encouraging kick in the arse whenever I felt like giving up and I will always respect his seniority and wisdom and enjoy his online friendship.

12. What do you consider the 10 most “telling” interests we would infer from your blog persona.

1. Environment. 2. Humanity. 3. History. 4. Papua New Guinea.
5. An aversion to avaricious people including doctors and lawyers.
6. Aeroplanes and flight simulation. 7. Irreverent and satirical humour. 8. Cricket…the game, and Music…. the International language.
Finally, as I am no longer able to ignore the extraordinary weight of statistical evidence on this blog;
9. and 10.; Elle MacPherson, boobs and attractive women.

Oops that’s eleven…..I’ll keep the boobs on hold.

15. What’s your current obsession. What about it captures your imagination.

I try not to subscribe to any obsession. The word implies inadequate attention is probably being given to some other life matters.

I am however immensely thankful for more than six decades of good health and passionate about doing everything I can to maintain it.
The possibility of having a high level of physical and mental competence well into old age captures my imagination.

The human machine constantly amazes me with it’s resilience and durability. The body which was allocated to me in the genetic lottery of life is now understandably somewhat worse for wear.  It has walked thousands of miles over inhospitable terrain in Papua New Guinea, hauled hundreds of tonnes of root vegetables out of boggy Australian soil and built a home, a farm and a plant nursery where previously there was just uninhabited land.

I remain hopeful that our working partnership might, with sensible management and a hefty dose of good luck, continue for a few more years. If fate denies me this blessing I will spill one thousand bilgebuckets full of putrid Grumpy Old Fartedness upon the world.

17. How many blog friends have you met face to face?

None. I fear that it would be a great disappointment for them, considering my reclusive nature and lack of social grace and loquacity when meeting people for the first time.

18. What don’t you talk about on your blog.

I rarely write about politics because I have no loyalties to one side or the other and so long as I live in one of the most democratic countries on earth there are more pressing topics for me to write about.
I’ll make my political statements at the ballot box.

Neither am I interested in writing about actual violence of any kind, whether it be domestic, pugilistic, cinematic or warfare.  I find it all repulsive and depressing and it disappoints me enormously that the human species still has not evolved sufficiently to resolve disputes by intelligent reasoning and negotiation.

So there you have it.  Job done.  Hallelujah.

*        *        *        *        *        *        *        *        *        *

I wish you a happy and safe Christmas, and a peaceful 2012 filled with good health and contentment.  

About GOF

"Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it, depends upon what you put into it." (Tom Lehrer)

30 responses »

  1. Thanks for the peek inside the GOFmeister…can I call you the GOFmeister? the GOFster? No? OK. My bad. Thanks, anyway.

  2. Wonderful post! And, yeah…you keep those boobs on hold. 🙂

  3. Leaving a legacy for the children……that is so sweet, GOF. I tend to come off more grumpy on my blog I’m sure, some people have even said I scared them a bit. I am more sweet in person, really.

    I for one enjoy seeing your picture, GOF. It feels more like a real friendship and less like an internet ether kind of thing. Just my preference.

    ps sorry about the website mixup by the way.

    • Thank Amelie….I’ve not noticed much grumpiness on your blog.
      I also like the personal touch of bloggers who use their own picture…..when I share comments with them it feels more like a direct conversation.

  4. Some Great Australian Nonfiction, for the most-part. Thanks for the mention, as it’s deserving in a punitive sense…that’s fair.

    It’s amazing how you bear up against the strain of expectations of Australian society. You are a testament!

  5. I love the name of your blog. Very funny. I’ve thought about using my own picture to represent my blog, but I don’t want to scare people. Also, the image I use pretty much reflects what my fact looks like most of the time. That was actually pretty informative, thanks for sharing with us.

    PS – I like your photo! It does feel as if you are “speaking” directly to me. Although maybe I need to adjust my meds.

    • Thanks for your kind comments angry. The look on your blog “face” always makes me smile…… I certainly wasn’t happy to post a real-life photograph during my early days of blogging, but then a couple of my closest friends posted pictures of themselves on their blogs and in doing so it added something to the “community” atmosphere.

      Seems like my picture stays…..I’ll just not look at it in the sidebar.

  6. We were very amused until We realised that We were not mentioned, not even once, then We were less amused.

    • “We” did not offer anywhere near the amount of bribery money that Snowy did FD..

      Does this mean my Knighthood might be deferred by another 12 months?

  7. GOF, I don’t recall reading about your solar power system. I was a relatively late-to-come reader to your blog on Vox, and I don’t always visit as often as I should. How many panels do you have set up? Do you have a gas-powered generator to back up your system, or do you rely on other sources for heat, cooking, light, etc.

    Beware, someday you may see a grumpy, bespectacled Asian woman clambering up your road, shouting, “Is this where GOF [pronounced “golf”] lives?” You might have to send Mrs. GOF out to shoo me away. 😉

    • It is a long time since I wrote about the solar power system HG. There are some photographs of our system here;

      The panels are 70 watt, but on cloudy days as illustrated they produce very little electricity…enough for one or two energy-saving lights and a couple of hours television each day. The fridge, stove and hot water all operate on bottled gas and we have a petrol-powered 3kva generator to run the washing machine and vacuum cleaner, but we prefer not to use it on a regular basis….it’s expensive and fluctuating voltages can damage electronic equipment.

      You are always welcome to wander this way…..just remember to bring some rubber boots with you. 🙂 Mrs GOF NEVER shoos visitors away. Never.

  8. I still intend to do the Face to face thing when we travel up the East coast. But being a cautious individual I’ll wander past your stall at the market first.

    Seriously though, it may take a year or two to get there but I’m looking forward to it. When we made it to Perth I caught up with Ninja and we sat in a coffee shop for hours doing cake and coffee. One of the highlights of the trip.

    I’m indebted to Snowy for directing me to your blog. It has put pressure on me to try and lighten up some of my material and allow the Aussie-ness to shine through.

    • Mrs GOF and I both look forward to meeting you one day Pete. It seems like we have “known” each other for a long time and the reservations I outlined in my story will not apply. I promise to be on my best behaviour.

      I think we just have to write in whatever style we enjoy and which makes us feel comfortable…..I find your analyses of politics interesting and your recollections from life in WA are thoroughly entertaining.

      • Ta for the encouragement.

        Actually Liz is thinking of making a special trip up to the Atherton Tableland to visit her sister who goes to your market.

        If it happens then I’ll let you know.

  9. As usual a most entertaining post, GOF. I doubt I’ll ever do a similar one. I would have to be brutally honest with myself and I’ve managed three score years and ten without doing that, so I think I’ll continue the self delusion that has served me so well, thus far.

    Introducing you to fellow Voxers was one of the smarter things I did, GOF. So many of us have been entertained with your humour, life philosophy, and sharing of your adventures in PNG. And thank you for your kind words about my blogs. They are very much appreciated.

    Also, thank you for your Christmas wishes. May I also extend the compliments of the season to yourself, Mrs GOF, and Inga.

    • Thank you Uncle Snowy, all the best to you and yours! XO

    • Thank you Snowy. I happen to recall many of your blogs when “brutal honesty” shone quite vividly through your words. Admitting and accepting our inadequacies and shortcomings is, I suspect, part of the process of achieving happiness and contentment in life.

      Holy hell, this is starting to sound like a FNP……I’d better not give you any grounds to sue me for breach of contract. 🙂

      Happy Christmas to you and Mrs Snowy too.

      • “Admitting and accepting our inadequacies and shortcomings is, I suspect, part of the process of achieving happiness and contentment in life.”

        Well said, GOF. Just about nails it, I think.

  10. Re. #17….and what am I, chopped liver? Hmph.

    • Oh shit! How the hell am I going to get out of this one?

      Sorry about that.

      Seems like you just sort of blended into the road a little like the colour of your car is impossible to distinguish from the bitumen.

      I’ll make an appointment with a Senior Citizens Psychiatrist just to check that something more sinister isn’t going on.

  11. I was extremely reluctant to look at your “private bits” … but am glad I did.

    A couple of comments –

    I think it’s too late to worry about keeping your mental competence into your old age …

    I was going to say what Inga said …

    And I just wanted to comment so that you’d have to look at yourself again.

    • You’re a very cruel man GOM. 🙂 Oh yes, and entertaining as well.
      I’m wondering if it’s ethical to use an Elle “Sirens” pic instead of mine. It sure would make my blog look a bit prettier, but I might attract the wrong sort of friends if I did that.

      I’m definitely going to need psychological counselling now that you and Inga are tag-teaming against me. 🙂

  12. I enjoyed each of these 18 Q&A’s – just as I’ve enjoyed every one of your posts going back to Vox days when Snowy’s link led me to your blog. I still intend to make it that far north on one of my trips home ……. Merry Christmas & a Happy New Year to you, Mrs GOF and Inga.

  13. Pingback: Another Questionaire « Check Your Premises

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