RSS Feed

A choice of excuses…..

Posted on

….for this blog having recently been in hibernation.
Please select whichever one takes your fancy.

One excuse;

Transcript of Parole Board proceedings Monday 24 October 2011.

Mr GOF, you are sitting before us today prior to being released after serving your four month custodial sentence for perjury.

You will recall that this situation was brought upon yourself during the damages trial instituted against a garment manufacturer by former Miss Australia and Miss Universe Jennifer Hawkins who had suffered an embarrassing wardrobe malfunction whilst wiggling her way down the catwalk.

Miss Hawkins had invited you to accompany her to this gala event in the dual capacities of Chief Bodyguard and Senior Backstage Lingerie Fitter.
As such, you were very close to the incident when it occurred.

Perhaps this photograph will jog your memory Mr GOF.

The presiding judge correctly refused to accept your testimony that
“I know nothing Your Honour.  As soon as it appeared to me that something was going awry I immediately averted my eyes and saw nothing.  You see I was raised as a Methodist Your Honour”  noting that it was the most blatant lie he had ever heard during his 40 year career.
“Let this sentence be a warning to other witnesses that perjury will not be tolerated in this court.”

You are also extremely fortunate that your sentence is not being increased today Mr GOF, considering the “Character Reference” that this Board received last week signed by no less than 29 members of an obscure group known as “Friends of The Bucket.”   All twenty nine signatures bear a remarkable resemblance to that of your own Mr GOF, and the Governor has since discovered a draft of the letter on the prison library computer.

We wish you well returning to a life of freedom Mr GOF and suggest that if ever in the future you happen to observe partially disrobed young women in public places you should immediately take cognizance of all the circumstances surrounding them just in case they might be required as evidence in a court of law.

Another excuse;

I have painstakingly spent four months working my way from one end of the shade house to the other replacing flood damaged weedmat (and gravel eroded from beneath it)  as well as restoring each potted bromeliad to it’s pre-cyclone Yasi condition.

Two photographs taken soon after the cyclone;

And three more taken yesterday.


About GOF

"Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it, depends upon what you put into it." (Tom Lehrer)

33 responses »

  1. The “after” photos (of the shade house, NOT of Jennifer…although she has a magnificent ass) are STUNNING!!!

    I love my houseplants, and I have a lovely pot of three different broms and I just sighed in envy. I would LOVE to just stroll or sit in those shade houses and admire the plants! I cannot imagine the hard work that went into get those houses back into shape!

    Lol at the “Friends of the Bucket”… know you could get more than 29 signatures here!

    So nice to hear from you! 😀

    • Thanks Lauri……I think you can understand why I don’t regard my normal duties in the nursery as “work”. It is such a privilege of life to be able to work at my own pace doing what I love doing in such peace and tranquillity.

  2. Nice work. Looks like it’s well and truly restored to its former glory. I hope you, Mr. Bundy and Mr. Coke enjoyed your well deserved Newell R&R.

    • Thank you Mike. I don’t want to see either Mr Bundy or Mr Coke ever again. They ;left me feeling distinctly worse for wear after two days so I’m looking for better company in the future.

  3. Nice work, GOF. Oh, and the broms look nice too… No wonder you have been on a blogging hiatus. My back aches just looking at all those lovely broms. Hoping the cyclone gods are kinder this season.

    • Thanks Snowy……The project must have been really good for my fitness, considering that in March I was still hobbling around on crutches after the back injury, but I could do without another cyclone this year.

  4. What a magnificent job you have done! Along with Snowy I hope the cyclone gods are more laid back this year. Nice to see you post.

  5. Beautiful! Any excuse from you will suffice. And Miss Hawkins’ rear should be far too skinny to merit the notice of a discerning gentleman such as yourself. I’m thinking more along the lines of Beyonce, J-Lo, or the like…

    • I think I’m in trouble already kimkiminy for breaching Inga’s Law for Fathers…i.e. showing interest in a female younger than herself. I need to be more diligent in researching birth dates in future. 🙂

  6. The nursery looks fantastic, you should be bloody proud of yourself.

    Also, I’d like to respectfully point out that Ms. Hawkins was born in 1983. You know the rules.

    Also, I told you so. 😛

  7. Somehow I missed that that was Jennifer.

    Nice to see you back and was that a genuine comment added to your PNG story?

    • Thanks Peter.
      Yes the comment was genuine and it has enabled me to regain contact with another member of my old PNG village family. Little things like that add an extra dimension to this blogging business.

  8. Your broms are gorgeous, and so happy to have you out on parole, at least until the wet season starts and you are forced to hibernate again!

    Behave now!

    • Thanks FD and yes we have to do most of our outdoor work at this time of year while the weather is good……now I’d better fix up all the loose bits on the house roof before another cyclone pays us a visit.

  9. That’s a lot of work, Mister! When you wrote “FOTB” I was afraid the judge had seen MINE and chucked you in the slammer!

    • Thanks MT…it was a lot of work but it is rewarding seeing the end result. Now I’ve got to start at the other end again and remove weeds that are growing in every pot. All good fun.

  10. Wow! If I was trying to fix up all those plants, my hiatus would have to be about three years long! They’re gorgeous!

    As for Ms. Jennifer…

    • Thanks AuntieB…..once I put my mind to doing things they get done……it’s the “getting started” bit that I have difficulty with sometimes. Bromeliads have their best colour in late winter and spring so they are looking their best at the moment.

  11. Really, I just think it’s taken this long for you to recover from your stay with Globet/Inga (or whatever she’s calling herself these days).

    • She made me walk up a mountain that was around twice as high as Mt Everest when I visited her….it’s a wonder that I’m even still alive GOM.

  12. Nice to see you even if you are full of excuses……..;) Lovely bromeliads and probably massive amounts of work to fix the mess from Yasi. Dumb question here, are they……pineapples?

    • I’ve always got plenty of excuses Emmy.
      Not dumb question….indeed pineapples are part of the bromeliad family. Almost all bromeliads originate from South America….just a few species from southern parts of your country.

  13. YAY you’re back!
    and your shade house inhabitants look super super happy and pretty.
    That place is enormous… I dunno, but looking at the flattened version just after Yasi… I thought the house was a lot smaller than it really is… at least than it looks from the inside now.
    I think I need a bromeliad in my life…

    … and I’ve never seen a wardrobe malfunction quite that badly
    – was it on purpose, I wonder??

    • Thank you Drude. Sometimes photographs can be deceptive. The shade house is 100 metres long and 15 metres wide.
      A bromeliad should survive in your part of the world as an indoor plant….many of them are very hardy plants.

      It’s hard to know how “accidental” the malfunction was. There really wasn’t a great deal of “wardrobe” there in the first place …….at least the incident removed politics from the front page of Australia’s newspapers for a couple of days. 🙂

  14. And to think I thought you just kept your plants in a jumble as a normal thing 😉
    Looks beautiful GOF. Now you can expect a visit seeing the work is done.

    • Thanks Brad. It was not always as organised as this….for many years we built shade houses from whatever we could scrounge from the scrub.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: