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Bilge soup #4

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1.  For today’s gourmet extravaganza let us begin by using a heaped prattle of pre-packaged Evangelism.

Our bible reading in Melanesian Tok Pisin is from the
Gospel according to Matthew Chapter 24 verse 31.
In the unlikely event that you lack fluency in this language, it is all about angels, bugles and people being collected from all compass points and swept off to some better place.  A little New Guinea Rapture.

Na bai em i salim ol ensel bilong en, na biugel bai i krai bikpela, na oli bungim ol manmeri em i bin makim bilong em.  Bai ol i kisim ol long hap bilong olgeta 4-pela win, i go olgeta long arere tru bilong graun.

Please don’t thank me with any great profusion. I am merely a humble vessel dripping vague hope, ambiguity and confusion for the benefit of humankind wherever I go.

2 Now add a dash of inspiration from the antiquity cupboard.

3. And…….

The most requested ingredient during the last month has been some raw Viggo…….. The Bucket Culinary Department worked overtime to manufacture this product in response to your insatiable demands, so please dissect and share him amongst yourselves.
(Personally I don’t see what all the fuss is about.)

Not Mr Mortensen (just to cover MY arse legally)

4. Add two square eyeballs of disillusionment.

Freeview is Australia’s new television extravaganza.
Sixteen free-to-air television channels instead of the previous five.
It is being relentlessly promoted by a gaggle of pre-geriatric small-screen has-beens wearing permanently beaming faces which are probably the result of cosmetic surgery gone wrong.
Either that, or the commercials were shot in a studio where the atmosphere was predominantly nitrous oxide.

So recently, in the absence of Mrs GOF’s normal midday commentary on the world, I decided to snoop around this apparently wonderful thing that my country has done for itself.

Each one of the 7 channels I selected had either news stories, movies or crime shows depicting people who had suffered from acts of violence perpetrated against them, or who had been, or were about to be, killed in various creative ways.

I switched the television off.

I might turn it back on one day if someone can convince me that my life will be enhanced and uplifted by doing so.

5. Garnish with two sprigs of my Peculiar Perspective.

A euphoric microwave oven at Newell beach

And I just elected a new Pope today

*        *        *        *        *        *        *        *        *        *        *

Bon appetit……and Ringo turns 71 today.  Happy birthday Ringo.

About GOF

"Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it, depends upon what you put into it." (Tom Lehrer)

24 responses »

  1. Well, I hope Lauri is thrilled at your response to her request.

  2. I just fell of my chair laughing as a matter of fact!

    Not really a bad likeness! Although I have seen Viggo naked….(well, in movies, darn it) and he looks a lot better from the neck down!!!

    Love the frog throttling the pelican, and the ebullient microwave! AND you have elected a new pope! That one really cracked me up! I hope he’s not as creepy as Pope Benedict the whatever!

    “I am merely a humble vessel dripping vague hope, ambiguity and confusion for the benefit of humankind wherever I go.”

    This is all that any of us can really aspire to!

    You are a hilarious nut!

    • It is human beings themselves that are hilarious Lauri……I just hold up a mirror to what I see from my little hideaway. Could there be anything funnier than a bunch of old men dressed in cossacks shoving wisps of coloured smoke up a chimney pipe…..and convincing themselves that it is an important occupation? 🙂

      I guess I should stop using myself as a “neck-down model.”

  3. If your world shakes, it could be that Mr FD is in the North on business trip… or so he says!

    • I think Mr FD and I should have a round-table conference when he is here to discuss whatever topics of mutual interest we might have.

  4. The barbecue grill we bought for my father as a Father’s Day gift emits only black smoke, which must mean we never elect popes around here. Or Dad has tried cooking steak over the kindling he’s collected from trees in the yard. I told him to stop using green wood, but he doesn’t hear me, or care to hear me.

    You put the Naked Viggo up just to see how many hits you’ll get from people searching for “Naked Viggo” pictures, didn’t you?

    • Thanks for your Father’s story HG. When we first arrived and cleared our little spot in the middle of the rainforest we tried burning the local wood……it is useless because it burns cold and smoky. If we want useful winter heating we have to import hardwood from drier country “out west”.

      On this occasion you have underestimated my intention with Viggo. Indeed I carefully avoided the use of the word “naked” or connecting his christian and surname. I have enough devious old men googling their way into The Bucket without encouraging devious young women to do the same. 🙂

  5. I wanna exist in a room mostly filled with nitrous.

    I love any of those shots of signs or other common-place objects from a different perspective (like your microwave, smiling!).

    • Maybe we’ve both had too much nitrous MT which enables us to see humor in a smiley microwave.

      • I come this way naturally–have only had it ONCE when I’d cracked a molar and was a bit jumpy as the anaesthesia wasn’t kicking in after 4 shots. They nitrous’d me up and after 10-15 minutes, I didn’t mind so much 🙂

        • I also have only had it once at a dentists surgery 35 years ago….I remember being very happy for a while sitting in the chair, then the next thing I remember was lying on the floor being resuscitated with oxygen by the nurse.

          I’ve never really been interested in repeating the experience since then. 🙂

  6. I would never trust a microwave that looks both psychotic and hungry.

    • So THAT’S why people keep avoiding me. Thanks Emmy. I’ll go and have a good feed and a facelift and see if it makes any difference.

      • You’ll also have to stop leaking so much radiation. Although I often spew lava if I haven’t had my coffee….. 😀

        • I’ll ask Mrs GOF to give me some lead-lined underwear for my next birthday.

          When you come and visit us we’ll make sure there is a powerful cup of coffee waiting for you. We don’t need any unprovoked lava emissions. 🙂

          • LOL! Just put me out in the yard and the garden will have extra minerals……(and ps, thanks, I so hope to visit. And ditto, I’ll order warm weather and a great fall foliage + apple pie if you guys visit).

            Lead-lined underwear. Do they sell that at Target?

            • “Lead-lined underwear. Do they sell that at Target?”

              It’s very hard to get hold of these days Emmy, especially in designs that look attractive under evening-wear. Back in the days when it was a popular fashion item far too many people drowned after going swimming in them. I got my last batch by mail-order from a secondhand shop in Chernobyl, but I had to throw them into the garbage after just one week because my whole body started to glow in the dark.


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