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Say it with ……..

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Flowers?

No, I don’t think so.  I tried that last year when she came home after five weeks in Minnesota.

“GOF,  you have only presented me with flowers on three occasions in the past. According to my calculations, that roughly equates to one bunch per decade.  Coming from you, the gift of flowers lacks a certain element of authenticity.
Are you sure that your more thoughtful blog friends, especially the ladies, didn’t sow that nice romantic floral seed into the normally arid regions between your ears while I was away?”

OK. I do appreciate your excellent advice last time, but I got sprung.

Not this time.

She knows that I am a practical man. An unromantic improvisor. Good at creating masterpieces from either new materials or scrap.
I needed to do something with my own signature on it to show her that I missed her while she was away.

Not some wimpy twenty-buck bunch of flowers bought on the spur of the moment.  I engineered something that took the entire month to bring to fruition.
A spectacular monument to her indispensibility in my life.

Just like the pyramids in Egypt….the individual building blocks are mundane and unimpressive, but the completed project is sure to fill the beholder with utter amazement. (I’m even giving you a sneak preview below.)

I did it.  She is going to be gobsmacked tomorrow.

In fact, I think she might even become slightly emotional.

If it backfires, I can always blame it on my blog friends.

Again.

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Disclaimer;  This was a totally fabricated work of fiction.
It was also a very poor attempt at humour which, in hindsight, might only appeal to male chauvinist piglets, a category of person which fortunately does not visit The Bucket.
All in all, I really don’t know why I wrote it.
I’m directionless.
That is about to change.

Tomorrow.

About GOF

"Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it, depends upon what you put into it." (Tom Lehrer)

25 responses »

  1. Well, it got a *GASP* from me!

    Thank heavens it’s not real. We may have lost our GOF for all time, what with it being difficult to type when buried under a ton of garbage!

    Reply
  2. Can you cook at all? Even if you can’t, surprise her with something resembling hot food, and add a lit candle and a bottle of wine. She *will* be gobsmacked.

    Reply
    • Thank you for the suggestion kimkiminy. “Cook” is perhaps not the right word for what I do. I “nutritionally survive” by alternating salads one day, then the next day I fill the saucepan with all my vegetables and boil them briefly with some chicken stock, before inverting the contents onto a plate.
      I am perfectly happy with my culinary productions, but they are not things that I would inflict on anyone else.

      I can do the candles and wine with nibblies though…..and I’ll make sure she knows that she was missed.

      Reply
  3. But … if she DID show up to a mess like that then she would know that you did indeed miss her and do need her because you’re a helpless lump without her.

    Maybe that’s “guy thinking” though …

    Reply
    • I think as you suggest GOM it’s “guy thinking” and probably something that I should not explore…..plus it would take an awful lot of supermarket shopping and work to actually get a kitchen to look that that. 🙂

      Reply
  4. AIEEEE! That looks almost identical to my parents’ kitchen when I first moved in! It took three giant-sized contractor-grade trash bags to get the mess out, and my father chased me the whole time, screaming, “That’s good food you’re throwing away!”

    Just make sure you didn’t leave any kitchen knives or other sharp, dangerous objects within arm’s reach when Mrs. GOF comes home. I’d hate to think this was your last post, GOF.

    Reply
    • I can only imagine the horrendous job you had cleaning out the kitchen HG.

      Fortunately ours is very small and the fridge is small too, so there’s only a limited amount of junk that can be piled up there. (Inga probably would have a different opinion….every time she comes home she threatens to take a trailer-load of unnecessary kitchen stuff to the garbage dump) 🙂

      Oh, and Mrs GOF possesses 90% of ALL sharp kitchen knives that were ever manufactured in the history of the world, so I’m always on my guard. 🙂

      Reply
  5. Lol… I wouldn’t put it past you GOF. Make sure you tell Mrs GOF how much we all missed her. We’ll see you next week when you’re sick of each other again.

    Kiss her gently and say ‘I love you and I missed you!’… then ravage her wildly. And then spend the rest of the day/night listening to her holiday stories over a bottle of scotch… and don’t forget the candles and her favourite music. That’s all you need. I’m sure she’ll appreciate that the most. ;0)

    Reply
  6. Gof, when did you break into my kitchen to take photos?

    Reply
  7. Dude! You washed up. You made a fantastic dent in it. She’ll love it.

    Reply
  8. Very funny! I’m glad it’s not really what you welcomed Mrs GOF home with though – you might’ve found yourself out with the bandicoot of the previous post.

    Reply
  9. A rat or possum sitting on the very top would have been a nice touch.

    Reply

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