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Man’s best friend???

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Nett benefits

I’ve recently had need to ponder
As far as my mind will permit,
Do the pets in my house, I wonder,
Provide an overall nett benefit?

Nelson the dog I did’st shampoo
To dispose of his fleas and the nits.
Coiffured with his movie-star hairdo
Expecting some nett benefits.

He rewarded me furious and fast.
Drove me totally out of my wits.
Putrid stench left me  aghast
And oblivious of nett benefits.

The bandicoot died four days ago
From the shovel with which it was hit.
Then exhumed by Nelson today
He’s got bugger-all nett benefit.

Another bath, good while it lasted.
Then dog finds a pile of cow shit,
“Nelson, you  ******   ******* bastard”.
“You’re ******** useless, no nett benefit.

The cat meanwhile contemptuously
Thinks, “GOF’s a complete disgrace
Criticising his pets deprecatingly
We moggies have nett benefit.

I’ll just lie in my basket all day
Deliberating up to my limit.
And wondering if humans today
Provide the world with any nett benefit.


"The Cat"

Answers to the missing word competition.

******          =  damned
*******  (1)  =  useless
*******  (2)    =  very

* * * * * * * * * *

The Chief Coroner investigating Mr Bandicoot’s death found that the deceased had breached a bandicoot-proof fence by burrowing underneath it into Mr GOF’s vegetable garden, and accordingly handed down a verdict of “Death by Misadventure.”
Very wise coroner.



The following is a photograph which I took last week of a rare event.
It shows my backyard on a cloudless day when I could actually see the mountain.  Even during the 180 days each year when I can see no part of it at all, somehow the world seems a safer and more serene place just by knowing that it’s there.

*       *       *       *       *       *       *       *       *       *       *

About GOF

"Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it, depends upon what you put into it." (Tom Lehrer)

27 responses »

  1. love the mountain! It’s a rare day when I can see the mountain range(s) where I live too. The one to my west… it’s usually wet, damp, and the clouds like to hang out around there nine-tenths of the year. Whenever it decides to reveal itself, it’s a treat!

    • Last week’s weather conditions were so unusual….cold clear dry air originating from near Antarctica had blown up into the tropics and we could even clearly see islands in the Coral Sea 30 miles away. I’ve always loved mountains since I was a kid.

  2. Awwwwww! I’m so glad to see pics of the GOF nanimals! Nelson is sowwy. He thought you liked those delicious aromas!
    The Cat is very pretty. Those spots are so striking.
    As for Mr. Bandicoot…..he should have known not to get into your garden. He promises to never do that again…but, if given the chance I am sure he will gladly entice Nelson to bring memories of him back into your house!

    The mountain is beautiful! I do love the feel of having mountains around me. Now I will go google Bandicoot. I am envisioning a small armadillo type creature…but I have to see if I am correct!

    • Yep, Nelson’s the best dawg we’ve ever had, but both he and the cat are missing their mommy at the moment…..hence some abnormal behaviour including the cat wanting to sit on my lap and cuddle instead of ignoring me as per normal.

      Bandicoots are another “protected” Australian animal (except in my jurisdiction)……they look like an overgrown rat…in New Guinea they are known as “mumets” which translates into something or somebody that scavenges for food. They are really destructive in vegetable gardens and lawns.

  3. What a wonderful view. I hope you really enjoyed it while you could!

  4. I was told dogs love to roll in things that smell “fragrant” to them. Mine used to love rolling in dead animal guts. I think cow manure is easier to wash out than decaying organ tissue, but I don’t know, maybe cow manure is stronger smelling than out here. Good luck surviving without Mrs. GOF, GOF.

    • You’re right HG, cow manure almost smells fragrant when compared to dead animal.
      If I was younger I’d do research and submit a thesis on the subject to gain higher qualifications.
      Only 4 more days to go ……I think I’ll just about make the distance.

  5. “somehow the world seems a safer and more serene place just by knowing that it’s there.”

    Amen, brother. I mean father. Whatever.

    • “Amen, brother. I mean father. Whatever.”

      Let’s go with “Whatever” in the interests of absolute certainty…… won’t tell her I said that will you…….I don’t want to have to bring the snake stick with me. 🙂

  6. A dog we had when I was very young thought that rolling in dead fish was a great idea. She didn’t think getting scrubbed in the water and then being forced to chase the car down the beach (in order to dry off) was all that great.

    I’m surprised the cat said anything other than, “Feed Me.”

    Nice view.

    • Dead fish would probably be even worse than my problem.

      The cat has completely lost it’s marbles since Mrs GOF went away…..never shuts up…he’s like Mork with a caffeine overdose,

      Maybe I should feed him?

  7. Awww… cute pics. Love the dog, he’s too cute. Put up with the cat… and yes, you should feed it. Beautiful mountains too. I’m glad we can see ours all the time, almost.

    • Thanks Tina…..I can put up with the pet responsibilities for another 3 days.

      We can drive 10km down the road and get a clear view of the mountains North of Mossman 50km+ away, yet we can’t see our own most of the time.

  8. Poor pup, he just has a talent for sniffing out decaying matter!
    Love the pic of your mountain. What a jungle you live in!

    • “Poor pup” is missing his Mommy…..and it certainly is a dense jungle….very easy to get lost if you venture 50 metres off either side of the walking track.

      • My hubby would be in heaven. Well, both of us, for that matter.

        • Let me know when you both come and visit Australia and I’ll escort you to the top of “my” mountain…….better not leave it until later than….oh…let’s say 2050 or I probably won’t be in any fit condition to do it. 🙂

  9. Babies! That’s a lovely view. I suppose you’re usually overcast or is it usually skirted by mist?

    • For a lot of the year we actually live IN the clouds MT. The SE trade winds are loaded with moisture off the Coral Sea…..moisture condenses after winds hit the higher ground and cools…..hence almost permanent cloud traveling at 25mph past our windows.

  10. Your clear-day view is spectacular – but it must also be lovely to spends days in the clouds. After I left home my parents moved from the middle-of-nowhere-drought-stricken–red-dust-town to a farm which merged into the Barrington Tops It was just glorious views all around their house which sat on the top of a hill.

    Nelson looks like nothing much could faze him.

    • An occasional day in the clouds is nice Emjay….takes me back to the Famous Five books of my childhood, but a month of unrelenting cloud-living can get plain tedious.

      Only things that faze Nelson are bandicoots and snakes…..he rips ’em to shreds.

  11. Haha! Good boy, Nelson! You benefit your family just by being there, right?

    What a lovely photo! I love being close to the mountains. And it’s the only way I know which direction is “west.” I’d be completely lost if I lived somewhere that didn’t have mountains to steer by.

  12. Love the animals! And the mountain range is so breathtaking, it would also make me feel like the world is safer and more serene.


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