Handicapped in America
……….. by ………………
William Wordsworth GOF
It took me literally ages
Driving from New York to L.A.
Ten thousand infinitesimal stages
With hazards along the way.
Spent time in a Pueblo cop car
After drinking in Colorado.
Molested by Mormons in Utah
And freezing in Columbus Ohio.
Arms are numb and eyes so bleary.
Both shoulders locked and seized
From carrying the bag I feel so weary
And my feet have fungal disease.
Next year I’ll do it differently,
‘Cos this was such a failure.
My mind is now made up you see
To leave irons and putters in Australia.
1. To readers who know nothing about golf and for whom the last sixty seconds were a complete waste of life.
2. To readers who DO understand golf and who probably didn’t fare much better.
3. To Mormons. I just made that bit up.
4. To poets.
5. To the cab driver on the Pasadena Freeway after I had closed down all inbound lanes whilst teeing-up.
No, I am not “one shrimp short of a barbecue” and I am sorry for what I did to your windscreen in response.