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Research funding

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Scholars and intellectuals involved in the study of unusual subjects often have difficulty accessing sufficient funds and resources to complete their programs of research.

Yesterday on the “Australia all Over” radio program one such Australian gentleman phoned-in from Brazil where he was on a self-funded jaunt studying the behaviour of  Brazilian Stingless Bees.

I immediately felt his financial pain.

For 37 years I have been looking for a generous benefactor to sponsor me and pay my airfare every February to Rio De Janiero so that I can collect additional data and make observations for my own special-interest Brazilian research project.

“The effect caused by the annual Rio Carnivale on the Gross National Product of Brazil.”

Sadly neither cash nor vouchers have been forthcoming from the Government or Qantas Airlines, our national carrier.
My seventy three “Applications for Scientific Grant or Bursary”  lodged with Australia’s most distinguished seats of learning were neither acknowledged or approved.

Accordingly, I’ve just clocked up thirty seven years of selfless unfunded sacrifice collecting information to broaden the knowledge base of humanity.

In the spirit of scientific generosity I am attaching at the end of this article four files containing my most recent findings which should substantially illustrate the current advanced stage of my research.

There was a time in my younger life when I possessed competence in designing scientific experiments, collecting and collating data obtained from them and finally calculating the statistical significance value “p” from that data.

I also once upon a time knew how to present my findings in a format suitable for publication in scientific journals.

These days I just can’t remember, and wouldn’t know what to do with them at all;

Even if they just suddenly fell into my lap.

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Findings #1

Findings #2

Findings #3

Findings #4

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About GOF

"Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it, depends upon what you put into it." (Tom Lehrer)

21 responses »

  1. I am suitably impressed with the results of your arduous investigative efforts, GOF. I look forward to publication of future findings. This is to reassure you that such selfless sacrifice does not go unappreciated. The world needs more like you.

    Reply
    • I would be unable to maintain my intellectual interest in this subject without the continuing support of venerated mentors like you Snowy. In time, I hope to reward your patience and belief in me by publishing more findings. Thank you.

      Reply
  2. Just emptied the piggy bank to find something to contribute to the funding of this vital research. I’m proud to say that we have $2.65 (mostly in 5c pieces), a couple of buttons, an old rusty paperclip, an almost new washer and a small pile of blue belly-button lint to start you off. I’m sure that if you email the government praising our fund-raising efforts (and for good measure, tell them that you’re going to vote for us at the next election) a large grant will soon be deposited into your account.

    Good luck with this year’s research. Don’t forget to send us a postcard. :0)

    Reply
    • Thank you so much Tina for your generosity in support of my research. Please keep the buttons, lint and paperclips, because, like you, I also possess ageing machinery and we can never know when items like this might be required for emergency repairs.

      I am hoping that everyone in Australia can find it in their generous hearts to send me $2.65 each.
      $58,888,888.00 should pay for my expenses on this project well into the forseeable future.

      It will also enable me to repay your kindness and make sure that both you and Brad are adequately funded for your future travels and adventures.

      Reply
  3. I have been seeking funding for deep research into the proper utilisation of recreation time by the suddenly unemployed 53 year old woman. In you learned opinion should I expect something in the upcoming budget?

    Reply
    • “In your learned opinion should I expect something in the upcoming budget?”

      Forget the Government FD……Tina and I have just devised a plan where Governments will become redundant when it comes to research funding for friends of The Bucket. All you, and the remaining 21,999,998 people in Australia have to do is remit the paltry sum of $2.65 each into my bank account.

      Then trust me to allocate the funds equitably.

      Reply
    • I was going to suggest the Baby Bonus FD. But pre-budget chatter suggests it may be trimmed down.

      Hell of an outlay for the money though.

      Reply
  4. You know why those bees are “stingless?” Brazilian waxing takes care of all that area.

    Reply
    • Thank you MT. The Bucket will be sending you a large chunk of it’s science budget in appreciation of your kindness in sharing this knowledge.

      Reply
  5. And you did all this research for free?? Such sacrifice and selfless devotion to…um…something…is so touching. *wipes a tear away*

    Reply
    • Thank you AuntieBellum. “*wipes a tear away*”

      I know how you feel……I look at all my current findings and weep at all the research opportunities that eluded me simply because I was under-funded for all of my life.

      Reply
  6. You’d think Donald Trump would have jumped right in.

    Reply
    • “You’d think Donald Trump would have jumped right in.”

      I think he’s a bit preoccupied at the moment Emmy….he wants to use the entire world as a set for an experimental TV show.

      Reply
  7. You mentioned long ago your ‘troubles’ when taking a camera to the local beach. So … maybe Australia is just looking out for your best interest by not sending you and your camera to Brazil. A nasty international incident might ensue.

    Although … none of those “test subjects” really seemed to mind having cameras pointed in their general direction.

    Reply
    • “Although … none of those “test subjects” really seemed to mind having cameras pointed in their general direction.”

      They’re not exactly inconspicuous shrinking violets GOM, but I think I’d still get myself into trouble so best I leave my camera, and me, at home.

      Reply
  8. LOL…. such a shame that your intellectual interest can not garner the support it so richly deserves. Perhaps your project title is not attention-grabbing enough……

    Reply
    • Thank you Emjay.
      “Perhaps your project title is not attention-grabbing enough…”

      Seems to have got the attention of ALL of my Aussie readers……Maybe I’ve terminally offended some of my American friends with a picture of some naked body parts. I must never do that again……..unless it is absolutely necessary to illustrate my scientific postulations. 🙂

      Reply
  9. Once upon a time, SBS (when it was newly formed) did live coverage of Carnival.

    I was super impressed especially when the commentator called for, and was granted, a replay of a particularly energetic piece of bosom wobbling.

    Sadly this cultural study was never repeated. I can attest the replay was far more interesting then 57 replays of the catch of the Day, and was even more entertaining than Women’s Beach Volleyball.

    Jeeze I love science.

    Reply
    • God bless SBS Pete (when it was newly formed)

      Mrs GOF once forced me to watch a couple of in-depth TV documentaries shot by a journalist/cameraman “embedded” with one of the Carnivale dancing groups.
      Then she forced me to watch the video recordings of it seven times more!

      The science of human movement is utterly fascinating. Why the bloody hell have I frittered my life away growing plants?

      Woe is me. 😦

      Now where the hell did I put that video?

      Reply
  10. Why I never thought of this before I don’t know …

    The 2016 Summer Olympics are in Rio! All you have to do to get the free trip from your government is train in some type of sport and make the team. I’m thinking Rhythmic Gymnastics (running around twirling a ribbon) or maybe Racewalking would be a good idea.

    Reply
    • Thank you ever so much GOM….your good ideas have been flowing thick and fast all over the place in the last 24 hours.

      I’ve been training for the winter olympics in ice figure skating so it shouldn’t be a great adjustment to discard the skates for a floor routine. Maybe you would be so kind as to lend me the colorful (see no “U”) ribbons that took you to victory in the same event last Olympics.

      Reply

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