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The Bucket Sporting Supplement

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Welcome to the first-ever issue of The Bucket Sporting Supplement.

These  F U L L C O L O U R commemorative and collectable publications will document all of the world’s major sporting events as they unfold during 2011.

First on the calendar is the Australian Open Tennis Championships now under way in Melbourne.

Our Chief Sports Reporter and tennis tragic since 1948, Edward “Pommie” Grannit-Deuce, has been embedded courtside for the last twelve days filing hourly reports and photographs, interviewing players and spectators, and digging deep into his photographic memory to provide all the essential statistics as well as keeping us informed of any unfolding behind-the scenes drama in the locker-rooms.

My job as editor of The Bucket is one that I take very seriously, so
I have distilled this vast treasure trove of information into it’s essential elements and extirpated all of the following impurities;

1. All references to the obscene financial rewards handed out to these young people who are, after all, just playing a game.

2. The histrionics and abominable sportsmanship including racquet-hurling or axe-chopping and mouthed obscenities.

3. Blatant attention-seeking/opponent-distracting behaviour such as extravagant grunting, yelling, squeaking, screaming and howling before, during and after striking every ball.

4. Banal interviews. Tennis players and spectators are generally not renowned for being gifted orators or gushing fountains of wisdom.

My job is now done.

Please enjoy the following highlights package which includes every piece of action that was worth watching.
After that I will proudly announce the winners.

And the winners (ignore what Rupert Murdoch might tell you later this weekend) of the 2011 Australian Open Tennis Championship are;

Womens Champion;

Andrea Petkovic, the extremely personable, intelligent, multi-lingual, pistol-packing and dancing German athlete who breathed some much needed fresh air into this stuffy event.

Andrea Petkovic

Mens Champion;

Zoran Petkovic, Andrea’s Dad and coach, who co-starred from the sidelines with his daughter in a memorable and whimsical post-match interview.

Zoran Petkovic

The Bucket accordingly commends both of them for bringing back some of the “game” into professional tennis.



About GOF

"Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it, depends upon what you put into it." (Tom Lehrer)

17 responses »

  1. LOL who among us could be a gushing fountain of wisdom after such a game? That must be why they gush other things (okay, pretend I didn’t say that).

    The winners here seem to be overwhelmingly female. Hmmm.

    I’m sure you already heard about Kangaroo girl, no? The one who tried to make tennis a bit less boring? That’s been all over the sports news.

    • “The winners here seem to be overwhelmingly female. Hmmm.”

      Purely coincidence Emmy.

      Caroline Wozniacki discovered what us natives have always known….every city alley and park is full of vicious kangaroos just waiting to tear us to shreds.

  2. “…. includes every piece of action that was worth watching”. LOL – they say that a lot of women here like NFL (gridiron) because of similar “action” by those male players…..

  3. Thanks so much, GOF. The world has long been crying out for an intelligent and unbiased commentary on sport. And no, I won’t be so unkind as to say it is still crying out. I thoroughly enjoyed your erudite comments, and especially your imagery. I wish you well in your new career.

    • You are most welcome Snowy. The world today has ceased “crying out”….now it is just whimpering at the demise.

      With your continued support and encouragement I will be able to fulfill my dream of moving one or two steps lower down the ladder of objective sports-journalism excellence.

  4. LOL! I remember watching a tennis tournament with my mother, back when she had her wits about her. She said, “Is it LEGAL for those young women to wear so little clothing?” Mom was especially huffy about the revealing shorts which looked more like underwear flashing under those tiny skirts.

    I confess however I wasn’t paying attention to them. I was more interested in the tanned young men in short shorts and open-necked shirts that revealed gold chains nestling in tufts of chest hair. Those were the days….

    • Thanks HG. My Mother, bless her soul, would have been equally appalled. She loved her tennis, having played the game as a young woman, but today’s outfits and on-court behaviour would have displeased her greatly.

  5. The game is now so clean, GOF. Tennis has almost reached the dizzying heights of Womens Beach Volleyball.

    I just hope I don’t have to delete my favorite outburst from many years back. When the linesman called a ball out, the player (I think it was Jimmy Connors) exclaimed “You are taking food from the mouths of my children.”

    With the huge income even in those days the crowd fell apart laughing and eventually so did he.

    • I’d never heard that Jimmy Connors story Pete….priceless.

      Some of these old players have the talent to entertain beyond their tennis abilities….ie celebrity “hit and giggle” when each player is “miked-up” for TV…..I wish there was more of that rather than the seriousness of competitive pro tennis.

      Thanks for bringing up the idea, but I don’t need to think about beach volleyball today. One bit of excitement for the week is more than enough for an old man like me.

  6. You certainly have an eye for talent.

  7. See? Remember what I said on my blog about watching tennis?

    • I took your advice GOM, that it was almost impossible to see on TV the little tennis or golf balls that were hit with such power.
      Accordingly I chose to focus on something else. If I get into trouble with Mrs GOF for posting these pictures, it’s all your fault. 🙂

  8. more male eye candy next report, thanks GOF.


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