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Bilge soup #2

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1. Fill the pot with an abundance of water;

Rainfall GOF's Place 2010

All values in millimetres. Multiply by 4 to convert to points.

Trivia; Australia’s most productive rain gauge is located alongside the radio and TV transmitters on top of Mt. Bellenden Ker, less than 15 kilometers from GOF’s Place.
It’s rainfall total for 2010 was 12,438mm,  just short of the all-time record of 12,461 (41 feet) set in 1990.
The wettest day was the 4th January 1979 when 1140 mm (45 inches) fell.

2.  Then add a leg of inspiration;

4.  Twice each month we drive to the big smoke in the early morning with our little truck load of plants to sell at the market.
Each time, we come across the same group of 10 amateur cyclists riding in a pack, enjoying each other’s company, and the exercise.

Last time we counted eleven.

Leading the bunch was a man with wooden crutches strapped
to his back, happily pedalling along with his one and only leg.

Please let me always remember him before I am tempted to open my gob to complain about some inconsequential little twinge I feel in one of my joints.

3. And two sachets of mild spice

It is with some dismay, but little regret, that I announce the dismissal of  The Bucket’s Religion Reporter who exhibited flawed mental equilibrium and a severe deficiency of moral fibre.
Quite frankly, he lost his marbles.

Over coffee, he confessed to me that he had once, during the 1990’s, wished he was an ant.
” an ant migrating northwards up model Toneya Bird’s rather sleek and attractive bare thigh”.

And furthermore, as a last-ditch attempt to get himself out of the incriminating hole of insanity that he had just dug for himself;

“Mr GOF, there was once THIS Australian TV commercial for Antz Pantz which featured a spiny anteater, then ANOTHER that I didn’t see because it was banned by the censors at the time.
I just needed to put myself in the position of an ant, to be satisfied that there was no animal cruelty involved.”

I have absolutely no idea what he was waffling on about.


Good riddance.

There’s no place for that sort of deviant behaviour in The Bucket.


4. Now, add liberal amounts of Wisdom for Men.

This is purely a hypothetical scenario.
If you attend a community market solo during the time when your wife is spending a long-weekend crocheting and drinking orange juice (right!) at her girlfriend’s house over New Years, it is unwise to make an attempt at humour by announcing to even a single member of your close-knit stallholder fraternity;

“She went to the pub on New Years eve, got totally crissed as a
picket, then was arrested for unruly and immoral behaviour for which I refused to pay bail, so I haven’t seen her since”.

Very little good comes from it.


4. And a little magic.

5. Serve with essential Aussie condiments.

Bon apetit


About GOF

"Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it, depends upon what you put into it." (Tom Lehrer)

20 responses »

  1. you got over 1 meter of rain in one day in ’79 ????!!?!
    … how is that even possible? I guess I should know after these past few months… that would be the sort of climate that causes severe flooding…
    That’s a bit less than what we’d get in a year in Panama… and it rained plenty there… it’s more that we ever got in Denmark in one year… just looked up our wettest year on record was 1999 and we got 905 mm that whole year!!

    Thanks for the soup

    • That record daily rainfall of 1140mm was recorded on the unpopulated mountain top.
      The most rain we have received in a day at our place in the 27 years that I have kept records is 400 mm, with an additional 400 over the following 2 days. That pretty much settled the dust for a while. 🙂

  2. I love the Aussie pocket! 🙂 That’s a lot of water – you must have decent rainwater tanks. Where I work people come in for cheques all the time (well, they have to do work for us first) – one particular company a woman came in every week for years then one day a man came in and said he was her husband – I asked “what have you done to Tammy?” and it became a sort of joke as he came in for a few months instead of her. Then one day he brought Tammy with him to “prove I haven’t done away with her for the money”…..

    • I like your story about Tammy and her husband, Emjay. 🙂

      We don’t actually collect rainwater because then you need electric pumps to pressurise it for household use, and power is a scarce commodity around here. Instead we have tanks located much higher than the house, and fill them from our spring-fed dam using the diesel irrigation pump.

  3. 315 on one day in December, and the cyclone season is only just starting! Makes my whining about rain look a bit sooky, GOF. Worst part of the wet season that I recall from my days in Proserpine was the mildew on clothes. Locals used to keep a low wattage incandescent lamp burning in the wardrobe to provide just enough heat to dry out the clothes.

    • We’ve just had another 242 today and yesterday Snowy. Sheesh!
      With no surplus of power to run a light globe constantly we gave up years ago with the mould and just choose to live with it…..ceilings, clothes and we even have to regularly have skin washes with anti-fungicide or we get covered in fungus spots. (true story)
      This year we installed a wood-fired heater, so for the first time we should have a little more control over humidity in the house.

  4. Please let me always remember him before I am tempted to open my gob to complain about some inconsequential little twinge I feel in one of my joints.

    Awesome. I love the image, too!

  5. Thanks for making me smile, GOF!

  6. My son is always after me to ride a bicycle to the grocery store a mile away instead of hopping into the gas-guzzling, air-polluting car. My excuse has long been my bad knees and being out of shape: but after reading of the bike rider with one leg, I fear I have nothing to stand on.

    (Ouch, bad one, sorry. But really, why do we cry and complain when we have so much?)

    • We are all pretty good at finding excuses to take the easy way out HG. Occasionally we need to be jolted out of our comfortable worlds in order to appreciate the good things we have in life.

      Oh, and I smiled at your “nothing to stand on” quip. 🙂

  7. I think I’ll stop enthusing over our rainfall records. They pale into insignificance with your readings. 200 mil and the sandbags get filled.

    Excellent post GOF.

    • Thanks Pete…..we’ve got the luxury of 2500 feet elevation for the water to run off… don’t have that. Hope your flood waters are receding.

  8. Always good to meet a kangaroo who is prepared.

    45 inches in one day?? I can see how that would be spectacular for plant growth, but what on earth do you do about water damage? If it’s not too depressing a topic I’d love to hear tales about that alone. Would be facinating.

    (Kelsey Grammar on the tv show Frasier once joked that in Seattle, the state flower is mildew).

    I appreciate seeing people bike despite setbacks. Some hardcore folks around here do so even in winter.

    • I can’t even imagine what 45 inches of rain in a day would be like Emmy. Even the amount of rain we get on our little farm is excessive for optimum plant growth (as well as human habitation) for much of the year when waterlogging displaces soil oxygen and permanent overcast limits photosynthesis.

      There’s not much you can do about water damage except reinstate vegetation, and dig lots of drains, but sometimes even the biggest drain is not big enough. Christmas day we had a river suddenly appear and run through the plant nursery carrying plants and gravel and weed mat away….but my little inconvenience was nothing compared to what followed in many other areas south of here.

      The ParaOlympics (?) is always good for giving me a wakeup call to appreciate the blessings I have in this life.

  9. Forgive my ignorance, but what is the first thing your roo pulls out of its pouch? It looks like band aids.

    And stop tarnishing the reputation of my poor mother. At least you’re not still telling people she beats you up, I guess. 🙂

    • I think it’s a pack of Peter Stuyvesant fags Inga.

      As from today, my tarnishing career is over. I’m paying a very heavy price for these indiscretions. 🙂

  10. A one legged bike rider – that person is a bugger for punishment if ever there was one!


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