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Bouncing tits

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Judgeth me not that mine tits are small, and blue, and accordingly liveth not up to thine expectations, but verily I say unto thee that neither size nor colour are important.

I have a serious question.  (No, really….I do.)

Those who noted that it took me 3 weeks to eventually work out just how to configure the simple title “GOF” as your main source of annoyance on WordPress, will not need further convincing of my abysmal understanding of computers and this internetski thing.

Is it just my imagination that search engines have more difficulty picking up posts made here at WordPress than they did on Vox?

At Vox, geographic references and specific phrases from my stories were recognised by Google within a couple of hours of posting, and that does not seem to be happening here where identical stories have resided for 7 months now.

I ticked the box at WP to have my blog readable by search engines because of the historical New Guinea content contained within it.

During the last 7 months there have only been a small handful of referrals from search engines.

Four were in response to the search term
“stunning women with no clothes” who were directed here.
A further three were in Russian, a language with which, alas, I am unfamiliar, (apart from internetski and Tatiana Grigorieva) but whose search probably translated into; “stunning women with no clothes”.

I think I can understand how difficult it would be for a search engine to locate one piece of information on the Internetski.

It would be like me rummaging through all the shredded-paper dumpsters at the United Nations trying to find a single piece of evidence to suggest that the UN was NOT a morbidly obese administrative monstrosity which had gotten to be that way by feeding solely off it’s own bureaucratic excrement.

One theory I am considering is that Google itself is now a teenager, and it’s Google-eyes might be preoccupied looking for puerile adolescent content relating to bodily functions, rather than actually indexing the literary genius that all my blog neighbors produce here at WordPress.

In other words, Google is presently nothing more than a very naughty juvenile search engine.

To prove my point, The Bucket proudly launches;

.o0O    The  BOUNCING TITS  project.    O0o.

How long will search engines need to crawl all over my
BOUNCING  TITS before they show them to the public?

How long will it take Google to nail down my BOUNCING TITS?

I fully understand that my BOUNCING TITS might attract an undesireable multitude of dirty old reprobates from fifty different countries who will pollute my blog of purity.

And ten thousand devious but hopeful old Dolly Parton fans.

And 100,000 nine year old boys who, after viewing my offering, will go back to school the next day wondering what the hell all their classmates were getting excited about.

I am standing by, waiting for the first desperate pervert welcome visitor to arrive via a BOUNCING TITS search.

As a reward he will be annointed from my special crystal decanter of  Eau de Bilge.

Final results of this  BOUNCING TITS experiment will be published at the end of October.

That should give me just enough time to apply for the next
Nobel Prize for outstanding Scientific research.

.

.

P.S. Don’t even try it.

Any comment received below which attempts to re-use my phrase “dirty old reprobate” in a manner detrimental to the good reputation of  The Bucket or any specific member of it’s staff will be viewed quite unfavorably.

Edit 90 minutes after posting;  Google discovered this within 60 minutes of posting, which I find quite an extraordinary achievement.  Bing did not.

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About GOF

"Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it, depends upon what you put into it." (Tom Lehrer)

34 responses »

  1. LOL.
    Um, those are pretty cute bouncing tits!

    Reply
  2. GOF, I noticed your posts don’t have any tags, which you can create while you’re writing your post. Tags alert search engines to your post’s topics, so this post will show up when someone does a search on “bouncing tits,” and you’ve tagged this post with those terms.

    (You really want people who would do a search for those terms to visit your blog? That seems like an open invitation to spammers.)

    The tufted titmouse or tit was one of my favorite birds in the Midwest, btw. I don’t see them in sunny California, alas, though I do see plenty of the other variety due to the fondness of young women here for low cut tops. I don’t approve, mind you.

    Reply
    • Thanks for your help HG.
      All my posts have tags (they are visible to me…perhaps not to everyone?) or should I enter something in the “category” box too just for the posts that I would like search engines to find?

      Thanks also for your warning. I’ll delete this post as soon as my “research” is done. (I’ve just added a “PS” to the post after Google picked it up within an hour of posting……yeah OK, I know I should have better things to do with my time)
      🙂

      I’m equally appalled at all the low-cut tops HG. Disgusting. Now where exactly is the place I should most avoid going?

      Reply
  3. LOVE your description of the UN. (Let us know if you find that shred)
    And the bouncing tits.

    Reply
  4. Am so so tempted to go and type “bouncing tits” into google….
    Am now awaiting posts from you about red breasts and masked boobies…
    I often see funny place names/road names etc and am tempted to post…..now realise I should refrain from discussing Curly Dick Rd (between Bathurst and Lithgow in NSW) just in case any searches have my readers seeing things they just shouldn’t see…

    Reply
    • There’s a beach suburb north of Cairns called Yorkeys Knob…journalists for some reason tend to avoid referring to it…..name given because of a little hill in the middle of the coastal plain….I don’t know what all the fuss is about.

      Reply
      • Have to wonder who Yorkey was and why his Knob was special enough to warrant having a place named after it……

        Reply
        • Apparently is was named after a “Yorkshireman” George Lawson who was a beche-de-mer fisherman in the area……but why “Knob”……I don’t know…it’s just an ordinary looking little hill.

          Reply
  5. Okay, I experimented.

    In a Google search of the phrase “bouncing tits,” this blog didn’t show up. At least not on the first several pages of about 1.5 million results. I couldn’t look any further … my eyes were getting blurry and my blood pressure was getting out of hand.

    Same result with YAHOO.

    On BING it offered over 15 million results … and I just gave up.

    About that time I realized my wife was standing behind me wanting to know exactly what the hell I was doing. I’m not really sure the “It’s in the interest of scientific research!” argument worked. Please send me a copy of the letter you get from the Nobel Prize Committee … maybe that will convince her.

    All of this to say that the folks who used the search term “bouncing tits” and got to your blog were exceedingly persistent.

    Reply
    • GOM, it’s no good associating with all the one and a half million perverts who just type “bouncing tits” into Google…..a refined gentleman like yourself has to refine the search with ‘+ reprobate” or ‘+ dirty old reprobate”…..then my tits come up #1 🙂

      Mrs GOM will be proud to associate with me after she sees my Nobel Certificate…….until then….well I’m sorry, you’ll just have to make your own explanations. 🙂

      Reply
  6. I look forward to seeing your results on this experiment.

    Reply
    • Complex scientific research like this might take time C.C. but I’ll make sure the results are published……maybe…….perhaps……one day. 🙂

      Reply
  7. Just love your methodology, GOF. Although if any on the Nobel board have horny teenagers, there’s no doubt you’ll be passed over. Speaking of which, I see one flaw in your methods here: any teen who Googles Bouncing Tits will surely direct themselves immediately to the YOuTube option, so you may want to include a video of said tits flying around your head. Or……something like that.

    Reply
    • Thank you for your vote of confidence in my scientific method Emmy……no matter how undeserved and misplaced that trust may be. 🙂

      I am sufficiently technologically challenged by simple tasks like blogging, without having to bother what’s left of my brain with stuff like videos and YouTube……..but thank you for helping me along the path to the big prize……I’ll share the cash with you when I get it. 🙂

      Reply
      • “Tits up” is still my favorite British expression…..although now that I’ve read your post I will simply imagine two deceased little birdies!

        Reply
  8. I think it was in Settings, Privacy that there was a check box where you could enable search engines to include your blog in searches. I checked mine, because I didn’t want it to appear in search engines. I just went to find it but got this message “Writes to the service have been disabled, we will be bringing everything back online ASAP”. Maybe you could just check that box isn’t checked in your blog, GOF.
    That advice all seems to be very badly written. My excuse is that I was rather unnerved by your blog title.

    Reply
    • Thanks for your advice Snowy….I’ll go and check that out.

      I can understand how you felt about the title….as you can see I got more than a little excited myself by the topic…..I’ll try to tone everything down from now on. 🙂

      Reply
      • Oh phooey! What fun is toning things down?

        We must laugh or lose our minds!

        I’ll admit I got a huge laugh whilst envisioning Emmi’s suggestion that you youtube yourself with tits bouncing around your head. I would have thought you would jump right on that suggestion! 😉

        Reply
        • I’m presently a little short of tits to video bouncing around my head Lauri…..perhaps some kind reader might temporarily give me a lend of a couple for the YouTube Project. 🙂

          Reply
  9. Alas. My research has found your image but not your blog, GOF. Though it did offer up some lines for further research when searching Google images with “safe search” turned off. 😉

    The overall point is interesting though. My standard Google search always showed up my Vox postings within a day and the Twitter postings are even quicker, but I don’t remember a WP pick up. Even the blog entries at HorshamDirect appear but they seem to get trolled only once a week.

    I’ll have to pay attention to it in future. The world deserves to know about the insightful observations of GOF.

    My research continues.

    Reply
    • Thanks Peter for giving me some confirmation that it might not be just in my imagination…..although the fact that I found the post within the hour on Google (with some extra encouragement) makes me think that I might be barking up the wrong tree.

      I appreciate you sacrificing your valuable time in the name of scientific research……..ummmmm the world was probably a better place before the advent of GOF but thank you for your kind support Peter. 🙂

      Reply
  10. LOL!! They found it that quickly? It will be fun to see what kind of comments you get. I think Emmy has a good point. You might have to post a youtube video about the bouncing tits to truly find out where you posts shows up! let us know what happens!

    Reply
    • Yes, I find it quite amazing that Google tracks down things so quickly…..you just need to enter the correct terms into the search engine to be able to find it. I think as from about right now I should forget about bouncing tits and move along to something more important. 🙂

      Reply
  11. You are many things GOF…but a dirty old reprobate? Probably. LOL!

    Reply
  12. My research has this post coming in after a body building forum on google – did you borrow your bouncing tits from them? They have the same little titties bouncing up and down as well as a human version attempting to burst out of a shirt – neither image seems applicable to body building but what would I know.

    Reply

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