OK, let’s face it ladies, men are totally awsome creations.
(“Shaddup!”…. oh sorry…..I was just replying to an insurgent voice in my head that mumbled something about the inadvisability of starting a story like that…….please allow me to continue)
If we do have any slight imperfection it is this;
Occasionally our self-belief is unsupported by either common sense, OR the laws of physics, OR on rare occasions, BOTH.
Putting the flaw simply; Unwarranted and unjustified optimism.
In 1874 Felix duTemple de la Croix nailed together some hardware which he found lying around the backyard and expected his engineering masterpiece to fly like a bird. It didn’t.
Not to be deterred, Carl Richard Nyberg in 1905, after inhaling a little too much locomotive coal-smoke decided “Yep, I could get airborne in this steam powered contraption”. He didn’t.
Presumably he was going to fly around the world towing a massive airborne firewood shed, or coal bunker with wings to enable frequent stoking of the boiler.
Both examples of “Unwarranted optimism”.
Men born later in the 20th century have just one closely related deficiency.
They believe that their heads come fully equipped with an internal failsafe Global Positioning System.
When the latter-day naked ape man has his hands on a car’s steering wheel and his foot depressed on the accelerator, there is nothing, absolutely nothing, that will convince him that he doesn’t know where he is going.
He will happily drive in the wrong direction, or round and round in circles ignoring;
1. Helpful road signs.
3. Abuse and rocks being catapulted in his direction by peasant
farmers whose sheep he has just side-swiped on some potholed
country lane that is obviously not the six-lane freeway he should
4. All the sensible suggestions from his children or female
passenger that “maybe you should stop and ask a local”.
He will drive on….and on…..and on….regardless that the sun’s position in the sky is indicating a 180 degree error in his direction of travel. A man’s explanation for this scenario will be that the solar system is temporarily out of balance and having a hissy fit, and that the sun will eventually reappear in the correct quadrant of sky just as soon as it all settles down again sometime after lunch.
At this point a question needs to be asked. (Ed;…no it doesn’t)
Q. “GOF, how come you know so much about this subject?”
A. “Case history of a “friend of mine” (hereafter known as FOM)
In 1980, a FOM almost placed the lives of Mrs GOF, and a German friend in peril after becoming lost and nearly running out of petrol in the Australian outback, south of Mount Isa.
FOM had ignored several requests from Mrs GOF to “let’s go into that cattle station homestead and ask for directions.”
“No worries, I know exactly where we are”
More recently however, when FOM and Mrs GOF were temporarily spatially disoriented somewhere near Mount Misery FOM was able to draw upon his additional 30 years of maturity and accumulated wisdom.
When she suggested “FOM, why don’t we just drive back to that last house we passed and find out where we are?”
“No worries, I know exactly where we are.”
Two conclusions arise from this case study;
1. Something might be going on between FOM and Mrs GOF, and
2. These dumb malfunctioning internal Gee Pee Esses are
damned hard things to override.
(Editors comment; GOF apparently wishes to reserve the right, in the interests of balanced argument, to also publish findings critical of women’s driving behaviour. If he has any small fragment of brain left in his head he will choose never to exercise that right.)
P.S. Does anyone want to take off my hands one only Editor who
continually interjects and annoys the crap outta me?