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An Oriental reorganisation

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On a recent bleak and windy wet season day I was curled up in front of the log fire leafing wide-eyed through a magazine containing full-page colour pictures of……..oh dear, I seem to have forgotten….when you get over fifty, memory is the first thing to go you know…..maybe wildlife.

My quiet reverie was however rudely interrupted firstly by Mrs GOF causing loud scraping noises to be emitted from the bedroom, which were then closely followed by the hup-two-three-four sound of pounding cockroach feet, as an entire platoon of them, with survival possessions in tow on the desiccated upturned carcase shells of their dead ancestors, migrated across the border into the relative safety of GOF’s “Boy’s Room”.

Several large spiders, long term residents behind the wardrobe, were wailing inconsolably at the sight of their staple diet fleeing from the forces of destruction to begin life anew in some distant part of their cosmos.

Q.  “What are you doing Mrs GOF, love of my life, provider of
sustenance (and some other things) and mother of my Globet?”

A.  “GOF, inquisitive interruptor of a woman’s never-ending work
schedule, I am re-arranging the bedroom to establish the best
feng shui.”

Feng Shui?   Right.

There are three circumstances in any marriage when a man should know that it is best to shut up and ask no more questions.
1. When he knows nothing about the subject matter.
2. When he is flabbergasted.
3. When there is a chance that, as a result, he might get roped into
some avoidable physical labour.

In this case, all three applied.

The bedroom was chocka-block full of 30 years worth of  hoarded crap lovingly collected essential furnishings.
Any attempt to “reorganise”  it all was probably going to require, at a minimum,  heavy machinery and explosives.

GOF, setting a splendid example for all the considerate men in the world, did what any thoughtful husband should do in the circumstances.

He disappeared until after the project was completed.



After a month in exile spent mainly down in the garden shed, it is apparently now safe for me to come back inside Mrs GOF’s Orientally spruced-up house (with conditions attached)……so….. where’s my spray can of Bugkiller?

I’ll just go freshen up the atmosphere for the refugees who invaded my room while I was gone.


And ….for a change…. some truth and nothing but the truth.
The front fence is finished.


About GOF

"Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it, depends upon what you put into it." (Tom Lehrer)

39 responses »

  1. Ah, I am having some feng shui attacks lately, too!
    Hubby says I can move everything except “his” chair and the tv. So our family room orbits around those two items while I try to find just the perfect arrangement!

    The fence and lane look SO lovely!

    • I can understand the chair/TV relationship…..that’s a very sensitive area for reorganisation…..maybe just move things a little bit every day and he won’t notice the difference.

      And if you are working with Hangaku Gozen remember your priorities Lauri …Re-organisation FIRST, wine SECOND. 🙂

      • Wine second? Oh, ptooooui! There is such a thing as Spiritual feng shui. I believe that wine comes first in that state of being!

        • Just as the Bhagwan made squillions out of his “Orange People” sect in the 80’s, it is now time for Lauri’s “Spiritual Wine Powered Feng Shui” cult……you’re onto a good thing…..may all your disciples worship at your feet and present gifts of vino from all around the world. 🙂

          • Squillions? Hahaha, what a great word!

            And, yes, minions, you may present gifts of wine…how about at my face, though! 🙂

            • I just got locked outta my own blog and had to sign in again……

              And when you are living like royalty being chauffered around in one of your ten Rolls Royces, with two eunuch servants to massage your feet, would you please remember me at Christmas time and send me a cheap bottle of plonk. 🙂

            • I see I have reached the end of the “nested replies” so I will reply to myself! (not unusual at all, I assure you!)

              I really like the idea of servants massaging my feet. Therefore, when I come into my own, I will send you an Expensive bottle of plonk! Hee!

              • OK….fixed that problem….there’s no way we could set up your future guru-ship in just 6 nested comments. 🙂
                (and it only took me half an hour to figure out how to change the settings)

    • LOL Feng shui attacks, I want to use that.

  2. Wow, quite the master of common sense GOF. Oh, and as the picture is a part of GOF’s paradise is it pure coincidence that my failing eyes have spotted what I assume is a bird of paradise by your fencework?
    Stay well, my friend.

    • Thanks Pete…….If it’s the flower you are referring to ….it does look a bit like the Bird of Paradise heliconia in this pic, but it is actually a Hippeastrum lily.

  3. Good feng shui is supposed to help drive roaches and other pests out of the house, so you shouldn’t need any bug spray. Your bedroom in its former state sounded a bit like my parents’, however. I guess that’s my next project, though my father won’t be a tolerant as you were.

    Nice gate, btw. Want to come over and do our fence? I’ll treat you to cioppino with fresh sourdough bread and sauvignon blanc.

    • Can I come over and eat and drink and watch feng shui in action!? 😉

      My bedroom is in need of major work. Starting to fiiiilll up to the top…….urgh….

      • I’ll tell you what: you keep my parents occupied with funny stories and jokes while I clean their bedroom, which smells like 10 old ladies and their un-litter-trained cats. Then we’ll go to your house, and I’ll help clean your bedroom while you cook your favorite fall meal for us.

        I’ll bring the wine. Just let me know what you’re fixing!

        • Ok, it’s definitely a deal. At least my bedroom hasn’t made it to that point yet. Yoiks!

          If I don’t watch out, however, it’s a possiblity!

          I was laughing (to myself) at my motherinlaw this weekend. She was saying “Andy Griffith is so old. I saw him on tv and he just looks terrible. I know he’s about my age, but I sure hope I don’t look that bad.”

          Well, she is an 83 year old woman and he is an 84 year old man and they both look their age, but they don’t look bad for their age. Why does she think she shouldn’t look 83?

          She kept saying “He must have had a hard life!”…we just smiled and nodded.

          It will be nice to become that oblivious!

    • You might be onto something with feng shui driving off pests……we used to have hundreds of roaches in the house before Mrs GOF started the re-organisation… not too many. I still like to have my “feng shui in a spray can” though just as a backup. 🙂

      Your kind offer to come and do some fencing for you is tempting, but no reward on earth would get me to sit in an aeroplane for 25 hours.

      Good luck to you and Lauri with your combined project…..I’d like pictures after you’ve both been into the wine. 🙂

  4. The lily at the gate? Very pretty.

    Smart man GOF! You must be a fast learner.
    My mother commented yesterday – when my boys were niggling my girls.
    The conversation went something like this…
    Miss 9 “Boys are so annoying!!!”
    Grandma (almost 81) “And they never grow up!!” Looking pointedly at grandad 80…he still hasn’t learnt.

    • Hippeastrum lily CC…..the only things that grow well here in full sun with no gardening attention.

      Not sure about the “fast learner” bit……it took me 60 something years to get to this point. 🙂

  5. Your wife did a great job on those post holes!

  6. You are so funny!… and a very, very smart man.
    The gate looks fab.

    • Thanks kimkiminy……the “smart” bit is subject to much debate.

      Cheap welded gate is unfortunately already falling apart….it might not look so good in 12 months.

  7. The gate looks very smart. I once turned my bed around according to a Feng Shui principle – I don’t think it made a big difference in my life …….

    • If I turned the bed around, I just know I’d get up in the middle of the night and walk straight into a brick wall where I thought the door should be.

  8. Is that fence to keep the pigs in or out, GOF? All very well for Mrs GOF to go in for this feng shui business, but she’d better watch out or she’ll be getting a visit from the R.S.P.C.Cockroaches one of these politically correct days.

    • The pigs walk straight under the bottom strand of barb Snowy…..the real purpose of the fence can only be seen by placing your cursor over the pic……I will lure her in through an open gate then slam it shut so I’ve got extra labour to help around the place. 🙂

  9. Is that intended to keep me out? Because Mrs GOF kindly reminded me that I left some beer up there last time.

  10. (and do my eyes deceive me, or is there some blatant recycling happening on the left hand side?)

    • We’ll leave the gate open so you can get IN Inga……you’ll just have problems trying to get OUT again…….I have drawn up a heavy work program in the nursery for THREE people! 🙂

      And yep…the old gate was still OK (apart from hinges) ….not bad for 25 years.

      I’m off to git myself another little piggy……they were back in the potting mix pile again last night. SWINE!

  11. No chat? (sorry, that’s mid-1800’s mining talk for cast-off, contaminated broken up bits of rock that we poor Ozarkers use to make roads)

    Doesn’t it get awfully mucky in the rain forest w/o some chat tossed out? Or does it just sink?

    “When I first came here, this was all swamp. Everyone said I was daft to build a castle on a swamp, but I built in all the same, just to show them. It sank into the swamp. So I built a second one. That sank into the swamp. So I built a third. That burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp. But the fourth one stayed up. And that’s what you’re going to get, Lad, the strongest castle in all of England.”

    • Thanks for the wonderful quotation MT.

      Plenty of “chat” has gone onto this road. When we first came here it was just a logging track….4WD’s often could not bet here without becoming bogged. Since then it has been resurfaced with gravel many, many times and it is now all-weather 2WD standard……well most of the time, but with 150 inches rain every year it is very difficult to maintain.

  12. Wow, you stayed in the shed for a month. Didn’t you get hungry? LOL! Great story.

    I am never one to move furniture. I think my feng shui is just fine as long as I can see the TV.

    Great fence. I hope it holds together for you. The last wooden fence, from Lowes, that we put up around the backyard starting having trouble in less than a year. That is so frustrating!!

    • I took the liberty of slightly exaggerating the details of what is basically a true story Freedom.

      Australian hardwood posts can be expected to last in the ground for up to 100 years……I won’t need to repair this fence in my lifetime.

  13. You are a smart man, GOF. J knows when I get that feng shui look in my eye, to not pester me with anything else. I get a bit manic. We all need that, “je ne sais quois”. Followed by, you know, “Weizenboch”.

    The fence photo is truly beautiful.

    • Thank you mon ami……there seems to be an awful lot of drinking required with all this feng shui stuff Emmi. Perhaps it is the alcoholic haze and not the actual f.s. that is making the world seem a better place. 🙂

  14. I am just about prepared to perform feng shui on my closets – which will make it prettier and give me an excuse to buy more clothes. It’s a terrible cycle.

    • Thanks for visiting, Aubrey……according to most advice on this page your closets and life will be vastly improved after your feng shui project. Happy shopping. 🙂


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