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Undercover bust

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Tomorrow is going to be a big day.

I'll need to dust off my 1960's Ilya Kuryakin black supersleuthing skivvy, and give it a quick once-over with deodorant to mask the residual stench of my stale teenage spy sweat, then mosey on out west in a potentially dangerous exercise of chivalry.
This is a humanitarian project for which I might have to rope in a couple of my trustworthy male Vox friends to lend a hand.

Background Briefing

At least one website visitor tracking program records my whereabouts as "Innot Hot Springs". 
Now I wish all my enemies great success in finding me there, but the last time I checked, the tiny settlement of Innot Hot Springs, out in Queensland's savannah country, had a total population of seven, none of whom looked remotely like GOF.
(except for the unshaven drunk sitting in the gutter outside the pub)

Sinister things however seem to be happening at Innot Hot Springs. 
I am regularly receiving urgent popup pleas on my computer from distressed young women who are probably being held there against their will.

"Gina, 24, from Innot Hot Springs, needs YOU, GOF."

"Annika, 26, from Innot Hot Springs, needs YOU, GOF."

"Marie-clare, 22, from Innot Hot Springs, needs YOU, GOF."


There seem to be at least 50 of these innocent young women who are asking me to release them from their apparently miserable lives of enslavement at Innot Hot Springs.
I must be their last resort.
(no correspondence on the previous sentence will be entered into.)

They all seem to be putting on brave smiling faces in spite of their deprivations, as I imagine that they most likely have to labour all day in the fields under a fierce tropical sun.

It is possible, judging from the names, and blonde Nordic features of many of these young women, that I have stumbled upon an illegal Scandinavian immigration racket. 
Hopefully by late tomorrow night I will have everything uncovered and fully exposed.

As you can see from the picture of the virtuous young Heidi, the girls are all living in appalling circumstances with only the bare necessities of clothing which is tattered, dishevelled and poorly fitting with broken straps and fasteners.

There are two things I need to do today in preparation.

1. Hire a very large bus to accommodate all the released hostages, then cover it with camouflage paint.

2. Go down to the Salvation Army shop and pickup some proper bras, blouses and skirts so that I may immediately fit these innocent nymphs with correctly sized garments to ease the shame and embarrassment which they must now be suffering at the hands of their captors.

This will be one huge heroic rescue mission.

My social duty and obligation.

One way or another I may not be back for a while.

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About GOF

"Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it, depends upon what you put into it." (Tom Lehrer)

24 responses »

  1. uncovered and fully exposed
    Ahahahahaaaaa! Good luck GOF. May your … uh…. "rescue mission" indeed be huge and heroic.

  2. Those poor girls!I keep being told there are women in Oklahoma City desperate to meet me. They must be desperate indeed … Oh, and the unshaven drunks sitting in the gutter – there's Mr. Inga!

  3. I did hear there was someone called "Elle" who was in desperate need of rescuing from the dreadful life she's leading. I guess you've got enough rescuing to keep you occupied for now, GOF, so I'll just have to attend to this one myself…

  4. At least the buxom Miss Heidi does not seem to be deprived of food!

  5. Hello..(most secret)..Say..if you need any help and for equiptment..some of the darlings may be should take out a few seats and arrange soft clean sleeping accomidations for the little dears..HO HO HO..Peace Tony

  6. My computer messages seem to have a vague idea of where I live too. If we answered all the desperate pleas for rescue and money, we'd win a collective Nobel Prize. If you do, just remember to invite Miss Heidi for the press photo, that should hit considerably more circuts. (So to speak).

  7. May your … uh…. "rescue mission" indeed be huge and heroic. Ahhh…the things that occupy an old man's thoughts. 🙂

  8. Oh, and the unshaven drunks sitting in the gutter – there's Mr. Inga!I tried matching Inga up to some of these salt-of-the-earth ole country boys with cowshit on their boots…..I'm thinking that might have had something to do with her moving to the other end of Australia.

  9. I guess you've got enough rescuing to keep you occupied for now, GOF, so I'll just have to attend to this one myself… Ahhh yes Snowy….so much rescuing to do and so little time left. 🙂

  10. At least the buxom Miss Heidi does not seem to be deprived of food! I'll leave Miss Heidi out there to work in the fields for another couple of months.

  11. arrange soft clean sleeping accomidations for the little dearsThank you Tony….all advice and assistance is gratefully received.

  12. Wow…a Nobel prize as well…..I started off doing this just out of the goodness of my heart and now there is a prospect of International glory too.Would you mind doing the negotiations with Mrs GOF to see if it's OK to bring along Miss Heidi to the acceptance awards……I fear that to do so myself may not be in the interests of my continuing good health. 🙂

  13. I can see a real plus with this mission, GOF. Don't you still have tests to perform on your Centrifugal Birthing machine?If you can coerce some of these grateful young ladies into falling pregnant and requiring the machine at exactly the same time (to meet the pairing requirement), you have a ready made pool of eager assistants to work with.By the look of the clothing worn by these underprivileged (if not undernourished) young ladies, they are ready for the hot weather and they may even help boost sales at the market if you start having problems keeping up with the extra workload.Strength to your mission. Who needs Angelina Jollie when GOF is on the job?

  14. I'm liking the way you think Peter. Yours is the kind of support which is vital to a project like this. And you are right…..the birthing machine has been lying in mothballs since we discovered it's various flaws, and by following your suggestion we could do some more tests in….let me see…August..Sep..O.N.D….ahhh around the end of May 2011. I'll oil up the machinery and release the hostages…….whatever else might be involved in preparing the girls for this test will be your sole responsibility. (I'll try explaining your frequent absences to Mrs Petermcc) 🙂

  15. Err. Um. Even in her hospital bed (knee replacement) and on zonked out on Morphine, Mrs Mc still has a remarkable ability to see through my schemes.Our local ten pin league is in a comp in Bendigo this weekend and when I suggested I would accompany the ladies team for the overnighter and report straight back this evening, she snapped right out of her drug induced coma to suggest a better idea was to keep bringing her sweets and take home the washing.Oops. Gotta go and get the nighties and undies out of the machine and on the clothes line.

  16. That's a very valid excuse Pete….I'll run round my neighborhood and see if anyone else is prepared to take on such an onerous task.Very best wishes to Mrs Mac too.May the sun shine long and brightly on the laundered nighties and undies.

  17. Mrs Mc is looking particularly chipper after managing to get to a real shower today. She has even managed to eat 8 M and Ms.Amanda tells me I am now a Domestic Goddess. Whatever could be next? Taking up knitting and watching Days of our Drearys?They are right you know. With age also comes lack of dignity.

  18. LOL!!! What a kind hearted gentleman you are, GOF. Indeed. To rescue those poor blonde gorgeous women. I hope you have enough supplies. It looks as if you might need to go to a specialty shop to find under clothing that has a large enough cup size *snicker*.

  19. Ilya Kuryakin black supersleuthing skivvy – sigh my first love

  20. Ilya Kuryakin black supersleuthing skivvy – sigh my first love Yeah…when I read your blog mentioning him I noted (not for the first time) that we had coincidentally dredged up some ancient thing or person at the same time.

  21. Truly GOF, you are an inspiration to the humanitarian movement. You might need to remortgage your house if all the poor girls are shaped like Heidi, bras to fit hooters that size are rarely cheap…

  22. bras to fit hooters that size are rarely cheap… I will expect discount for quantity Vicola 🙂

  23. Hey! Heidi wants to meet me too! I think she may be a bit of a hussy GOF. I’d steer clear of her. I have many lovely young ladies from Blockhouse Bay in UnZud wanting to meet me. Obviously they don’t understand that I am allergic to places that are closer to Antarctica than Brisbane.

    • Geez Brad that was 4 years ago. I had to clothe the poor girl properly and provide her with a moral compass. Sadly she doesn’t have time to meet you because she’s flat out one way or another working on my farm. I’ve heard excellent reports about the girls from Blockhouse Bay…….must be a very powerful allergy you have there. 🙂


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