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One last story

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I am often asked the question;
"Why, when Mrs GOF is able to occasionally travel overseas,
do you choose to stay at home by yourself?"

My stock answer is always;
"None of your freakin' business now please rack off."

I never tell them the real reason which I am happy to reveal to you, my trusted reader, which is that I am frightened that my Defence Shield might not work outside of Australia.

No,no, no, come back….don't leave yet……logic will eventually gain the upper hand.  (Well we can at least live in forlorn hope.)

Most of you have already discovered how annoying and totally aggravating I can be when I really set my mind to it.  
A complete pain in the arse.

I was born that way.

I was also born very short sighted which necessitated wearing spectacles ever since my early school years.

At Castlemaine North Primary School, with considerable joy, I discovered the most important law in the Universe.

My "four-eyed force shield" provided impregnable protection against all of my classmates (and probably a few teachers and sundry strangers) who quite frankly were busting to punch my lights out almost on a daily basis.

In Australia during the 1950's there was an unwritten law passed on from parents, and reinforced by teachers, that hitting people with glasses was the lowest form of disgraceful behaviour.

I was quick to recognise this loophole in the laws of Australian society and accordingly took full advantage.

No contact lenses for me thank you, and my policy has served me well for 6 decades.  Not a single busted nose, black eye or cauliflower ear to be shown for all of my years of impertinence, impudence, subversive conduct and giving people the absolute and utter dribbles.

That is why, in the interests of maintaining my cranial integrity I dare not leave these shores, to visit some place where I am sure the same rules do not apply.

Nah. I know where I belong. I like the shape of my head just the way it is now, thank you.  But feel free to come visit me….anytime.

But remember, regardless of your urges and justification,

"Never hit boys wearing glasses."

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About GOF

"Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it, depends upon what you put into it." (Tom Lehrer)

12 responses »

  1. Hey!! 😉 (Imagine a bespectacled smile).
    Well planned, GOF. Here wearing glasses in high school is considered a reason to punch someone. But if you fly directly to Massachusetts you'd have a better chance of getting punched by a meteor than a person, because lawsuits fly around like mosquitoes and everyone is fearful of so much as bumping a shopping cart.
    My contacts have served me well, playing lacrosse in high school, glasses were not good for eye safety unless covered with goggles.

  2. Thanks Emmi… I know my fears about travel were well grounded.Re sport; I had special strengthened plastic lenses made when I was a young fella playing cricket. (cricket balls are very hard and are bowled directed at your head at speeds up to 60 mph 🙂

  3. So … that's where I went wrong? I left the shores of Oz without my glasses on and I could not see my way back. One day …. !! 🙂

  4. After 25 years of wearing contact lenses, I was forced by chronic dry eyes to return to wearing glasses. I don't like them much, especially since they're bifocals, which occasionally distort my sense of depth and have caused me to fall down stairs and trip on uneven sidewalks. I also admit I am still a bit vain: glasses add 10 years to my appearance and make me look granny-like.

  5. So … that's where I went wrong? I left the shores of Oz without my glasses on and I could not see my way back. One day …. !! 🙂 Too busy focussing on one young Manservant?? 🙂

  6. I admire the courage it takes to stick bits of plastic directly onto your eyeballs.Once I owned a set of bifocals….they lasted 2 days before I threw them in the rubbish bin…..I fell down stairs, tripped over farm machinery, and nearly walked over the rim of the Grand Canyon (that last bit is a lie) because of the blind/unfocussed bit at the bottom of the lenses.Now I have 2 separate pairs of glasses….one for long distance and 1 for computer. The joy of being shortsighted is that now I can read books unaided whereas all those who gave me a hard time at school now need glasses. Nahnananana! 🙂

  7. My 1st broken nose came from the school bully punching me in the nose — wearing glasses…on my birthday.Never fear, I beat him up afterwards. 🙂

  8. Never fear, I beat him up afterwards. :)He would have been a candidate for the death penalty in Australia m-t 🙂

  9. I understand the glasses shield – I have used it myself more than once since my first spectacles at the tender age of 14.
    However, is there an exception to the rule? What if a person with glasses hits another person with glasses? Is that an even playing field?
    Because I am coming swinging for you for declaring the Bucket lid is closed. Whimp.

  10. What if a person with glasses hits another person with glasses? Is that an even playing field?
    Because I am coming swinging for you for declaring the Bucket lid is closed. Whimp.UNFAIR. Totally uneven playing field!! Not only would I be unable to slug you back because you wear glasses, but I would additionally be hamstrung because Rule No. 2 of society is; Never hit a girl.

  11. Well i went to CNPS in the early 90s and got my face smashed in on a regular basis, not as a reaction to any impudence from me, just because they could. I am still dealing with mental illness in part caused by this. I’d love to get some justice especially from then principle Gus Guzman

    • Thanks for your note Scott. You’re the first CNPS survivor I’ve come across since I left that esteemed seat of learning in 1959. Sorry you don’t have fond memories…..I suspect discipline was a lot tighter during my days there. I drove past the school a couple of years ago as part of a nostalgic rediscovery of my roots……I had neutral feelings but recognised the part the teachers and other students had in contributing to my views of the world and other humans. Hope you are able to move on from the negligence of the principal and find peace in your life.


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