I am often asked the question;
"Why, when Mrs GOF is able to occasionally travel overseas,
do you choose to stay at home by yourself?"
My stock answer is always;
"None of your freakin' business now please rack off."
I never tell them the real reason which I am happy to reveal to you, my trusted reader, which is that I am frightened that my Defence Shield might not work outside of Australia.
No,no, no, come back….don't leave yet……logic will eventually gain the upper hand. (Well we can at least live in forlorn hope.)
Most of you have already discovered how annoying and totally aggravating I can be when I really set my mind to it.
A complete pain in the arse.
I was born that way.
I was also born very short sighted which necessitated wearing spectacles ever since my early school years.
At Castlemaine North Primary School, with considerable joy, I discovered the most important law in the Universe.
My "four-eyed force shield" provided impregnable protection against all of my classmates (and probably a few teachers and sundry strangers) who quite frankly were busting to punch my lights out almost on a daily basis.
In Australia during the 1950's there was an unwritten law passed on from parents, and reinforced by teachers, that hitting people with glasses was the lowest form of disgraceful behaviour.
I was quick to recognise this loophole in the laws of Australian society and accordingly took full advantage.
No contact lenses for me thank you, and my policy has served me well for 6 decades. Not a single busted nose, black eye or cauliflower ear to be shown for all of my years of impertinence, impudence, subversive conduct and giving people the absolute and utter dribbles.
That is why, in the interests of maintaining my cranial integrity I dare not leave these shores, to visit some place where I am sure the same rules do not apply.
Nah. I know where I belong. I like the shape of my head just the way it is now, thank you. But feel free to come visit me….anytime.
But remember, regardless of your urges and justification,
"Never hit boys wearing glasses."