RSS Feed

Dead or alive?

Posted on

Early in 1996, the year when I was going to turn 48, I decided that this was the year during which I was probably going to die.

No family predisposition to early mortality.

No clinical indications of depression or ill health.
 
I was still firing on all cylinders, although lower gears needed to be selected when going up hills, and there were a few other worrying mechanical noises and exhaust emissions which indicated that the journey was not going to last forever.

My life had been interesting and productive up to that point, so I simply decided that my time was probably up.
I figured it was better to die with only preliminary signs of decrepitude in 1996 than hang around annoying people into the next millennium with my malingering whilst waiting for the wheels to fall off completely.

Nineteen ninety six was also a nice looking even-numbered year.
Born in an even-numbered year I like the idea of symmetry and balance.  Forget astrology and all that sort of bunkum. 
It all comes back to numbers.

If I ever died in an uneven numbered year I would be forever pissed off afterwards.
 
Forty-eight plus forty eight equaled ninety-six. (and probably still does)  Beautiful numbers.
All exquisitely divisible by two and one into the other.
Time for GOF to depart in this moment of exotic equilibrium.
Observers of my gravestone would remark;
"there lies a man who lived a life of exquisite numerical balance."

So I paid my taxes, packed my pillow and waited for the train to take me to the Kingdom of Eternal Rest.

The trouble is that now, fourteen years later, in moments of deep philosophical contemplation, can I ever really be completely certain that I did not die? 

All these current preoccupations I have with middle-aged ex supermodels, flight simulators, growing pretty plants and blogging might just conceivably be components of my afterlife.

One or two of our deep thinking Vox neighbors seem to know a lot about this "proof of life" stuff but I probably never paid enough attention to them.
 
But then again, how can I be absolutely certain that they too are not also dinner guests seated at some heavenly table from which we may all be dining.

I'm confused, and what's left of my either dead or alive brain is overloaded, so I'm off to have a little lie down.

Please wake me up when you think you have an answer to my conundrum.

But only if you have unequivocal and absolute proof of your life status.

I don't want some dead person trying to tell me what to do.

I'm not a complete weirdo.

 

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

About GOF

"Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it, depends upon what you put into it." (Tom Lehrer)

37 responses »

  1. With profuse apologies to Descartes, "You think, therefore, you am"…

    Reply
  2. "You think, therefore, you am"..WOOHOO!! Thank you Snowy. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  3. Sometimes I'm not convinced that there's not just one guy sitting at a computer somewhere pretending to be all these different people from different places and just making a lot of shit up …

    Reply
  4. I don't see any roads of gold yet and I meet too many people that aren't very nice. Since my hope is heaven, I say we aren't there yet ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  5. I can nail down one corner of the problem, GOF.It can't be a heavenly table if I'm sitting at it.Which reminds me of a joke from the interval at Nunsence the Musical. Q. "What did Jesus say at the Last Supper?"A. "Everyone who wants to be in the picture come and sit on this side of the table."Now that raises even more reality checks.

    Reply
  6. I'll have to think about it for a while… not entirely sure I'm alive. I'll get back to you on it, GOF.

    Reply
  7. I just stubbed my toe on my father's ancient steel worktable, and the pain was enough to convince me I was still here in my fleshy essence. When my toenail turns black and falls off, I figure that should be more proof that I'm still stuck in this less than perfect body.

    Reply
  8. Sometimes I'm not convinced that there's not just one guy sitting at a computer somewhere pretending to be all these different people from different places and just making a lot of shit up … It's a conspiracy GOM. I think I know who is doing it too. I'll tell you when we're at our group therapy session next week.

    Reply
  9. I used to think that I would not live past 40 – nothing medically wrong to make me think that just a "feeling". Since I've turned 50 I've had mechanical things start to go wrong and they certainly remind me that I'm not dead yet! (When my right arm first came out of the sling I had to use my left hand to move it anywhere – having this wobbling, useless loose arm hanging about made me feel that I was in a John Cleese skit…..)

    Reply
  10. Since my hope is heaven, I say we aren't there yet ๐Ÿ™‚ I think you are right Freedom. I would expect the heavenly table from which we dine to serve up better quality food…..and at the end of last year I had to cook it all myself as well……..it was rubbish. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  11. I'll have to think about it for a while… not entirely sure I'm alive.You're ALIVE LOM!!! Snowy (via Descartes) says if you are thinking about it then you are alive. What a beautiful day this is…..the first day of the rest of our lives. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  12. It can't be a heavenly table if I'm sitting at it.With all due respects Pete (recalling some of your recent Friday Funnies), that is one incredibly convincing argument.Things are looking good for me here today. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Reply
  13. Well, I'm not so sure… I know Snowy is never wrong, but … what if I did die, and if brain activity goes on for a short while after other bodily functions stop … who's to say I'm not "dreaming" all this? Conceivably one could dream a whole lifetime in a very short period of time, surely?

    Reply
  14. AARGHHHH! omigod that was painful!! No needles in the house, so Mrs GOF tried hammering a rusty 3 inch nail through my nose instead.All the evidence is stacking up in my favor.Thank you so much HG….and it's nice to have you along too with your own proof that we are both still in the land of the living. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  15. who's to say I'm not "dreaming" all this? Snowy. Never argue with Snowy.Conceivably one could dream a whole lifetime in a very short period of
    time, surely?
    In my case I'm inclined to discard that theory. Once I get to the bit about Elle it will drag on for a long time while I process all the material.

    Reply
  16. Yeah, but that bit is more than made up for by rushing through all the "experiences" you are dreaming of washing dishes. Ah shite, why did I mention dishes. I've got to go dream myself through another batch, and a load of laundry to boot. Thanks a lot GOF. This is all your fault. Harrumph!!

    Reply
  17. I used to think that I would not live past 40 -Thanks Emjay…that's a bit of a relief for me…..in the past when I have told friends about these 40's "feelings" of mine they all considered I was weirder than they previously thought. Now I know I am in good company.I certainly understand the "mechanical things going wrong" although thanks to your stories I am ultra careful these days. Hope you get full motion back in your arm really soon…..it must be very frustrating for you at the moment.

    Reply
  18. Thanks a lot GOF. This is all your fault. Harrumph!!You're welcome LOM. Together we've sorted out another mystery of the Universe.Heaven will have paper plates and disposable clothes.

    Reply
  19. LOL…and there are a few people around here that I feel sure are going to the other place ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  20. Disposable clothes? Wot????? I thought we'd all be nekkid!!!

    Reply
  21. LOL…and there are a few people around here that I feel sure are going to the other place ๐Ÿ™‚ Why are you looking directly at me Freedom ????? ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  22. Oh, no, not you, GOF. I want you to be in heaven with me so we can laugh and have a good time. Somehow, Grouchy has got to slip in the gates too! But I know a few very evil folks that I don't think will be allowed entrance through the pearly gates!

    Reply
  23. I thought we'd all be nekkid!!! That's OK for you and me LOM…..we'd have the strength of character to resist urges of the flesh…….but some of the others around here….well goodness knows the sort of mischief they would get up to.

    Reply
  24. well goodness knows the sort of mischief they would get up to.Please, GOF. It's not nice to talk about Freedom like that, not when she's around to hear you, anyhow!

    Reply
  25. Grouchy has got to slip in the gates too!I think GOM and I will both have to smarten up our acts a little before we pass the test to enter the Pearly Gates. ๐Ÿ™‚ He's nice to cats and is a gifted artist….so he'll get in first. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  26. LOL…well, hopefully we all three will be and then there will be non-stop laughing!

    Reply
  27. Whaddya mean, "will be" non-stop laughing? Oh gosh, GOF, I think we might be dead. Freedom says we're in heaven already!!! ๐Ÿ˜›

    Reply
  28. LOLOL!!!! But when I get off Vox, it is not all fun and games. You see, LOM, in heaven, hopefully, the laughing won't have to stop ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  29. Oh gosh, GOF, I think we might be dead. Freedom says we're in heaven already!!! :It's enough to drive me to drink…..now I'm back to where I started from 5 hours and 963 comments ago.I'm going for a lie down…..again…….would you young folk please kindly sort it out amongst yourselves and let me know when your deliberations are done. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  30. I stick with my first answer. We are not there yet. No streets of gold, no pearly gates! Yes, we have our laughter and good times on Vox and sometimes in life. But we have tears here and in heaven, no tears. So, we are not there yet, GOF.

    Reply
  31. GOF, I really enjoy having you here too….which is why I suggested you not put sharp things in your nose. Nature invented pain to prevent us from doing permanent and serious injury to ourselves.

    Reply
  32. So STOP injuring yourself, please. OK….I've removed the nail…..it didn't enhance my appearance much either. :-)I'll leave the Indian fakirs to continue with their own research….everyone has convinced me that I'm actually not dead…..I'm relieved ;-)Thanks for participating in this project…..great to have you in my 'hood HG

    Reply
  33. If physical pain and blogging aren't enough to convince you you're not in Heaven, try watching some realtiy tv sometime. That should clear it up.

    Reply
  34. I once thought I was dead but then I had a shower and the smell left.

    Reply
  35. try watching some realtiy tv sometime. That should clear it up. OK..I'm convinced…..there are limits beyond which I am not prepared to go.:-)

    Reply
  36. I once thought I was dead but then I had a shower and the smell left. With a sense of humor like that, you will probably feel at home here. ;-)Thanks for visiting PD.

    Reply
  37. As a kid, I always thought we were like lice living on a huge person & trees were like hairs. I dunno. Could be.

    All of our “problems” and we’re just nits.

    Reply

Leave a Reply to Freedom Smith Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: