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Your worst nightmare

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My Form 3 science teacher in country Victoria used to constantly regale us with his favourite life observation;
 
"There are two stinking cities in the world, and Melbourne is BOTH  of them."

I vividly remember this little piece of trivia, whereas the finer details he taught of Archimedes experiments in bathtubs has suffered, well…….. displacement.

We were never provided with empirical evidence or statistical data in support of the "Melbourne Hypothesis". 
Perhaps he was simply, during childhood, belted around the ears a lot in that city, or maybe, in love, he lost a Melbourne girl who went on to become Miss Australia 1958.

Over the years I have become a subscriber to his religion, whilst broadening the parameters somewhat to include every settlement in the world with a population over……oh, let's say 50.  
They are not places I would ever by choice want to live. 

The time has come however for me to adopt a more realistic view, for one day I may need the convenience of city services to comfortably live the final chapter of my life.

The reality is that living at GOF's Paradise requires a minimum level of physical fitness.   Being responsible for your own housing, transport, water, and energy supplies brings with it a certain workload of continual maintenance. 
There is no-one to call to "fix it".  You have to do it yourself.

Refrigeration, for example, only happens after driving 100 km to buy some 60 kg gas cylinders, then manhandling and connecting them to the plumbing.

Our isolated location also means that there will be no volunteer organisations offering to help us out with life in our senior years.

Globet (our daughter…aka Inga…..for newcomers) has been charged with the responsibility of ensuring that GOF makes a timely and dignified transition into civilisation.
 
She will argue till the cows come home that "dignity" and "GOF" are two incompatible items, but nevertheless, if, one day she moves me in next door to you, wherever you are in the world, I plan to be a thoughtful and considerate neighbour.

Please let us be kind to each other, otherwise the old reprobate inside me might just decide to start learning to play the bagpipes.

At 4 am.

With my windows wide open.

Starting with this version of AC/DC's Thunderstruck;

(Vox is having a hissy fit and refuses to load Youtube link normally)

 

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About GOF

"Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it, depends upon what you put into it." (Tom Lehrer)

26 responses »

  1. I noticed that "Inga" has no intention of moving you next door to HER, but instead next door to some hypothetical "YOU" … Your reasoning is exactly why this little town I live in (2500 or so) is about as small of one as I'm ever willing to settle in. We have all the city services, emergency services, etc … except an actual hospital. They, however, are located only 25 miles away.Sadly, I must inform you (and "Inga") that there are absolutely NO empty houses in this fine town … not one … don't even bother looking it up …= = =BTW – liked the clever usage of "displaced" …

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  2. I noticed that "Inga" has no intention of moving you next door to HER,Inga is 3000km away and I think she would prefer to maintain that sort of separation. :-)there are absolutely NO empty houses in this fine town … not one … don't even bother looking it up …I thought I saw online that a house near you is for sale. The description said it was previously owned by a senior citizen who suddenly decided to move to another State in the US. Apparently it is in the same street as you. It also said the people next door would welcome an International tenant. I'm already getting excited about moving. 🙂

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  3. Nope … remember, it has been sold. I've still no idea what the buyer looks like (I've met her parents).Hmmm … 3000km = about 1800 miles. 1800 miles is how far my dad moved. Maybe that is an ideal parent/child "safety zone" after all.

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  4. During the last administration I would have applied that particular truism to D.C. I will wonder…for eternity…how that could have happened. The United States partaking of torture..duplicity and obvious transparency of unbelievable nonsense. From me and I am sure many free thinking people..not to sound overly mushy..people who care..of consciense..I am apologizing to the faithful friends..from other places. Canada and Mexico was a blow that hurt me. Not my wallet..my senses. The patriot act was something I found personally insulting. It is over for now..look at what was done. The foolish confusion created. The time and waste of everything. We of the belief that war is an attack on life..as is any petty vengful act..or exploitive..life for money act..continue to care..Peace Tony

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  5. (I've met her parents).Oh…a "backup lawn mower" if the other one fails to turn up. 🙂

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  6. Tell you what, GOF. There's a park over the back of our place where, errr, nature lovers sometimes spend the odd night until told to move on. You can bunk down there. I've been told that the wallopers will accept a nip of JW in order to allow you to continue your bird watching. I tried it once when Mrs Snowy locked me out. I can't remember if it worked, or not. I can remember that the currawongs made wonderful alarm clocks.

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  7. You are more than welcome to settle in our little neighborhood but I doubt you would be comfortable with how close the houses are to one another since you have been used to so much privacy. But I did see that there seems to be a home very near Grouchy (Grouchy is clearly mistaken) and that they are looking frantically for someone that can put up with "difficult" neighbors. I wonder what on earth they are talking about since Grouchy has never mentioned them 🙂

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  8. GOF, I hear our neighbor is moving out. You are welcome to move in any time, as long as you DO bring the bagpipes – my Love would love to learn them (and we're listening to the entire youtube rendition right now). We're in a small town, but far enough away from neighbors that we don't really see them in summer, except our closest one… aka YOU.

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  9. LMAO – that's the best comment I've read in a long time! Well said!

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  10. There's a park over the back of our place Thank you for your generosity Snowy……I hope it will be OK to run an extension lead from your place across into my tent to run the fridge, and perhaps a plastic hose tapped into your limitless JW supply….just for my medicinal purposes on cold winter nights in Toowoomba. God the future's looking brighter already.:-)

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  11. You are more than welcome to settle in our little neighborhoodThank you Freedom…….I'd be a little worried about falling off that cliff (shown in one of your recent pictures), during one of my regular sleepwalking episodes. But I did see that there seems to be a home very near GrouchyI've already interrogated him and denies all knowledge. Bet if I was 25 with a short skirt and big boobs he'd soon find some place to accommodate me.

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  12. GOF, I hear our neighbor is moving out.What a superb offer…thank you LOM for your kindness……In return I'll prune all your firewood, chop all your shrubs, groom your car and polish your ferrets whenever you need the help of an old man at the peak of his mental acuity. 🙂

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  13. Ah. Miss Australia 1958. Lou Richards Mrs.No. Hang on. I think that was Miss Frigidaire 1958.Sorry. Wrong chick.

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  14. LMAO – The funny thing is – I am chopping down most of my shrubs this spring, and one of my favorite things to do with Stuffin' is to pin him down on his back and rub him back and forth along a soft blanket singing a little ditty about "polishing the weezel". I think you'd fit in rather well here.

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  15. You're welcome to move in next door to me, GOF. We'll still be separated by forests and your bagpipe practice can only enhance my hour-long morning workouts, which are finished by 4:30.I'm already taking care of crap for The Duchess and Pa Kettle. The more, the merrier!

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  16. …and we're practically civilized. Only an hour to the suburbs and 1:30 to the city.We already pay for helicopter med-evac insurance (not at all joking).

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  17. You are so right, GOF. I am sure Grouchy would. I already congratulated him on his new neighbor, lol!

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  18. Maybe we'll just move to your region, my boyfriend and I will trade your services (showing us around the place) for our repair and labor skills. My boyfriend is a computer engineer and technician. And I can make a mean meringue cookie.

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  19. "Ah. Miss Australia 1958. Lou Richards Mrs".And Miss Frigidaire……..I've obviously got a lot to learn on this, and other closely related subjects…….I'm in awe of your knowledge 🙂

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  20. my favorite things to do with Stuffin' is to pin him down on his back and rub him back and forth along a soft blanket singing a little ditty about "polishing the weezel". Nice little coincidence….and story from you. Thanks LOM.

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  21. I'm already taking care of crap for The Duchess and Pa Kettle. The more, the merrier! I'm afraid my presence would result in "crap overload" for you and might be the straw wot broke m-t 's back of tolerance. I nevertheless thank you for your kind offer.

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  22. My boyfriend is a computer engineer and technician. And I can make a mean meringue cookie.That has to be the best offer made Emmi…..thank you. I'm not moving anywhere now 🙂

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  23. My neighbour passed away a year ago and her place is still vacant ……. I don't think you would like moving from the wonderful solitude you have to a row house where you are literally joined to neighbours on each side. On the more serious side though – sadly there does come a time when one has to move closer to "help" – I hope that you remain agile in body and brain for many, many more years GOF.

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  24. Thank you for your good wishes Emjay.I fear that moving in next door to you would involve a whole lot more snow shovelling than I am qualified to do. 🙂

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  25. Hello again. On a different day. The reactions to your posting is as interesting in the writing. Archimedes and the water toy displacement is clever. I would say you are more than welcome here. I would also include the advice, with consideration to adjustments of economy, to take all your turns wide. With consideration to the lack of it…a head on can be in the most unexpected of places and make no sense at all. Best to plan itinerary..walking to the washroom. During the winter, such as it is, we may find 'Pancho Villa' in the live imitation..sleeping on the fold table..Peace Tony

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