Occasionally a man is entitled to get out of bed on the wrong side.
But now that I come to think of it, that's not exactly when my day started to go pear shaped.
In accordance with normal weekend market day procedures GOF;
1. Rolled enthusiastically out of bed. (Believe that if you will).
2. Performed the usual exhaustive tests to determine if I was still
indeed alive. (a condition not to be accepted without proof at my
Test results positive.
3. Lit the gas burner and boiled water, then made coffee for two.
4. Turned on the television to watch music videos featuring lots of
minimally clad hot and sweaty chicks with ample bosoms
rhythmically pulsating to the beat.
(Now before you accuse me of common voyeurism I would like to point out that I only watch this stuff in the interests of road safety…..Mrs GOF would not want me to drive her down the narrow winding road to the coast in the early morning foggy gloom while I was still half asleep and without my eyes wide open and ready for business…..would she!!)
So it is for her that I insist on watching "Rage".
You can't argue with facts like that.
This was the precise moment when it all began to go wrong, and I started to get annoyed with the world.
I had just witnessed some
wanker (sorry, naughty word, please wait while I go and wash my mouth out with soap and water)
OK, I'm back….now where was I? Sheesh…that blue laundry powder is mighty powerful stuff……it foamed all the way up into my sinuses……Oh yes….some dimwit wanker accompanying himself on piano, and at the end of the video his piano was blown into a million pieces with explosives. (unfortunately without him still sitting beside it).
Perhaps I am a sensitive old soul, but I despise wanton and senseless destruction of property. I am inclined to value my possessions and care about what happens to them.
When I was twelve years old I had saved up enough pocket money from doing chores at home to buy a brand new genuine Coca-Cola brand yo-yo. Some weeks later during a private rehearsal prior for the main event of showing Mum and Dad how proficiently I could "walk the dog", the string broke and my yo-yo inconsiderately motored off across the carpet into the open fireplace and the flames of yo-yo hell.
I was totally distraught for many days afterwards.
Some years later, during the era when guitars were routinely smashed to smithereens as sacrificial offerings to the God of Rock and Roll, I watched a punk-rock pianist pick up the piano stool and heave it at the television station's grand piano keyboard in what he presumably considered was an entertaining finale to his band's set of contrapuntal crud.
I was disgusted by his inane act of vandalism.
There are some other examples from Australia today which also fit into this irresponsible and senseless destruction category;
1. The AAMI Insurance Company persistently runs television
commercials depicting the deliberate destruction of many
thousands of dollars worth of motor vehicles and boats.
I refuse to do business with a Company which would spend my
premium payments on this kind of promotion.
2. Burnout competitions. The deliberate destruction of $500 worth
of tyres in 60 seconds during atmospherically polluting
displays of macho stupidity.
3. Imploding and demolishing large unwanted buildings and using
them for landfill instead of recycling the materials.
To me, these are all obscenities in our world of excess, and they make me feel very grumpy indeed.
Early morning grumpy is not good.
It is now 3.30 am
Let me just check and see if any other channel is offering some proper high-quality selections from my preferred viewing menu.
Perhaps my day is still not totally beyond rehabilitation.
Just a little bit of Shakira or Beyonce or Katy Perry would cheer me up enormously.
And make for safer driving.