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An early morning aberration

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Occasionally a man is entitled to get out of bed on the wrong side.

But now that I come to think of it, that's not exactly when my day started to go pear shaped.
 
3 am

In accordance with normal weekend market day procedures GOF;

1. Rolled enthusiastically out of bed. (Believe that if you will).
2. Performed the usual exhaustive tests to determine if I was still
    indeed alive.  (a condition not to be accepted without proof at my
    age) 
   Test results positive.
3. Lit the gas burner and boiled water, then made coffee for two. 
4. Turned on the television to watch music videos featuring lots of
     minimally clad hot and sweaty chicks with ample bosoms
     rhythmically pulsating to the beat.
 
(Now before you accuse me of common voyeurism I would like to point out that I only watch this stuff in the interests of road safety…..Mrs GOF would not want me to drive her down the narrow winding road to the coast in the early morning foggy gloom while I was still half asleep and without my eyes wide open and ready for business…..would she!!)
So it is for her that I insist on watching "Rage".
You can't argue with facts like that.

3.12 am

This was the precise moment when it all began to go wrong, and I started to get annoyed with the world.
I had just witnessed some wanker  (sorry, naughty word, please wait while I go and wash my mouth out with soap and water)

.

.

.
.

OK, I'm back….now where was I?  Sheesh…that blue laundry powder is mighty powerful stuff……it foamed all the way up into my sinuses……Oh yes….some dimwit wanker accompanying himself on piano, and at the end of the video his piano was blown into a million pieces with explosives. (unfortunately without him still sitting beside it).

Perhaps I am a sensitive old soul, but I despise wanton and senseless destruction of property.  I am inclined to value my possessions and care about what happens to them.

When I was twelve years old I had saved up enough pocket money from doing chores at home to buy a brand new genuine Coca-Cola brand yo-yo.  Some weeks later during a private rehearsal prior for the main event of showing Mum and Dad how proficiently I could "walk the dog", the string broke and my yo-yo inconsiderately motored off across the carpet into the open fireplace and the flames of yo-yo hell.

I was totally distraught for many days afterwards.

Some years later, during the era when guitars were routinely smashed to smithereens as sacrificial offerings to the God of Rock and Roll, I watched a punk-rock pianist pick up the piano stool and heave it at the television station's grand piano keyboard in what he presumably considered was an entertaining finale to his band's set of contrapuntal crud.
I was disgusted by his inane act of vandalism.

There are some other examples from Australia today which also fit into this irresponsible and senseless destruction category;

1. The AAMI Insurance Company persistently runs television
     commercials depicting the deliberate destruction of many
     thousands of dollars worth of motor vehicles and boats.
    I refuse to do business with a Company which would spend my
    premium payments on this kind of promotion.

2. Burnout competitions. The deliberate destruction of $500 worth
    of tyres in 60 seconds during atmospherically polluting
    displays of macho stupidity.

3. Imploding and demolishing large unwanted buildings and using
    them for landfill instead of recycling the materials.

To me, these are all obscenities in our world of excess, and they  make me feel very grumpy indeed. 
Early morning grumpy is not good.

It is now 3.30 am

Let me just check and see if any other channel is offering some proper high-quality selections from my preferred viewing menu.

Perhaps my day is still not totally beyond rehabilitation.

Just a little bit of Shakira or Beyonce or Katy Perry would cheer me up enormously.

And make for safer driving.

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About GOF

"Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it, depends upon what you put into it." (Tom Lehrer)

31 responses »

  1. You had me in stitches with this one. Mostly because of your am routine, I love it. Not at all what I expected to see on the list. Loved it. I myself am famously not a morning person, although it reveals itself in not only fogginess but extreme grumpiness as well.
    So sorry to hear about your yoyo! Did it really roll into the fire? Wow, maybe it was headed into some alternate universe. For your (unbeknownst to you) future time travel.
    I would hope that these days, the adverts were using computer technology instead of actually wasing products. Although things are made so cheaply these days, it wouldn't surprise me if they really were just blithely creating landfill waste for ha has.

    Reply
  2. Kudos to you for thinking of your dear wife's safety and thus making sure to be "bright-eyed and bushy-tailed" before going out on the road! You are an inspiration, sir!

    Reply
  3. I've never thought about watching Rage videos in the interest of road safety, but maybe I should now! Maybe they should screen those late-night SBS movies early in the morning as well; I'd like that very much. Cheers GOF. I learned something today. LOL!

    Reply
  4. Great, GOF, now I've got that little "Rage" soundbite stuck in my head. I'm so sorry about your yo-yo. What a tragedy!

    Reply
  5. Best reason I have ever heard for watching Rage videos 🙂 That is so funny. I bet the people you see on a daily basis have no idea! Sorry about your yo-yo. I had a wooden sled from when I was a child. It was a radio flyer. During the blizzard of 1993, some teenage boys went in every carport in our neighborhood and stole all the wooden sleds. I was heartbroken. I can remember the day my father bought it for me. So, I understand how devastating losing something so special can be. Be sure you stay alert in the am!! You know, there is great stuff to watch on the internet as well, lol, or so I have "heard". But your wife would definitely not approve and I could not tell from your story if she sees what you are watching 🙂 I guess you better stick with the videos on TV.

    Reply
  6. Thanks Emmi. Fortunately I am a "morning person", but the flipside is that I wish to have nothing more to do with the world after I pull the phone plug out at 8.30 PM :-)Yep, my yo-yo did exactly as I described.I would hope computer technology could be used to simulate a lot of this explosive destruction.

    Reply
  7. Kudos to you for thinking of your dear wife's safety and thus making sure to be "bright-eyed and bushy-tailed" before going out on the road! Thank you GOM…….I am inspired by like-minded souls. 🙂

    Reply
  8. Maybe they should screen those late-night SBS movies early in the morning as well; I'd like that very much. The Government should employ both of us as road safety consultants Ninja……it needs innovative new approaches like ours to reduce the road toll. 🙂

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  9. now I've got that little "Rage" soundbite stuck in my head. LOM you will be disappointed to know that they now only rarely play that famous soundbite. The whole Rage program is often quite disappointing these days since the demise of music shops…..no Top 50……some mornings are just full of old-farts music from the 60's and 70's. 🙂

    Reply
  10. Oh nooooooo. 😦 That's sad, although I can't say that I regret the proliferation of old farts music, as it tends to be more of what I listen to anyhow.

    Reply
  11. I had a wooden sled from when I was a child.Thanks for sharing your childhood story of loss too Freedom…..they are things which you never forget.My yo-yo in those days was probably equivalent to a kids Play station today, so it was a significant possession. But your wife would definitely not approve Mrs GOF knows about everything I watch or get up to….she's a very tolerant person. 🙂

    Reply
  12. "Kill Your TV"WHAAAT!!!!!!!! With Shakira and Beyonce still inside it!!!!!! Please show a little humanity k9 🙂

    Reply
  13. although I can't say that I regret the proliferation of old farts musicI love the 60's music with all the genius of the Beatles and Rolling Stones etc etc , but I can't help remembering the restrictions of censorship ……when the "bloody" in the Bloody Red Baron song had to be bleeped out to protect our sensibilities. I think 90% of today's video clips would have been banned by the censor back then.

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  14. I was out of line. 🙂

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  15. Of course, I'm wondering why the cranky old fart who complained about using up five minutes of sunshine looking for a nonexistent owl in a picture I posted is watching TV at 3:00am … but then I went back and re-read -lots of minimally clad hot and sweaty chicks with ample bosoms rhythmically pulsating to the beat.Okay … beats the hell out of looking at a damned owl …

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  16. I was out of line. :)I know your heart was in the right place k9 🙂

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  17. Of course, I'm wondering why the cranky old fart who complained about using up five minutes of sunshine looking for a nonexistent owl in a picture I posted is watching TV at 3:00am … It's all about what I judge to be the responsible use of my limited supply of electrons GOM……had you told me that Beyonce was cavorting around half nekkid somewhere in your dark picture I would probably not have complained quite so much. 🙂

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  18. Hey, maybe she could watch the videos too, and do some dancing for you sometime 🙂

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  19. Hey, maybe she could watch the videos too, and do some dancing for you sometime 🙂 With all due respect to Mrs GOF, it would not be quite the same Freedom 🙂

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  20. hehehehehehehe……I was just being silly!

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  21. On the way down…I noticed…got a laugh…in my postings I detailed the murder of one television long ago…after being woken by 'commercial volume,' along with my girl and three other couples. I hit it with a 20G. shotgun shell. Now I take the attitude that one cannot kill what is already dead…Peace Tony.

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  22. GOF…(I finally got to look that up and find out what it meant. I thought it a political party.)…I do know what you mean. Working hard to attain instruments…right on back to the old yo-yo is no joke. Realizing a change is needed for growth in skill or lack of it…with the instrument…as I sit here with a blown clutch and not enough tools…the current quality of work and so on…Your posting took me back to an old 'Who' concert…you know the rest. One of my favorite guitar players of all my time…Jerry Garcia…would never do such a thing…shame shame…whoops…missed an amp…Peace Tony

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  23. Never heard of Rage…

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  24. Never heard of Rage…Just a commercial-free music video show which has been running for many years on Australian TV …Saturday and Sunday mornings from midnight until 7 am.

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  25. Thank you CfD.Real musicians value their delicately crafted instruments and would never deliberately damage them.I could also quite happily murder TV's broadcasting commercial material.Fortunately in Australia we have some channels which are mostly free of advertisements.

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  26. The story of your yo-yo brought back bitter sweet memories of things I lost in similar circumstances – usually propelled by a malicious younger brother!

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  27. I have never been able to come to terms with musos smashing up electric guitars. They ain't cheap. Imagine how nice it would be to give it to the local school. (Jeeze I am sounding like an old fart).When searching for family history on the Net in respect of my Grandad, I discovered he got a mention scoring a guitar part when Pete Townsend smashed a guitar at Festival Hall in Melbourne. Clearly I am more of an old fart than he was.

    Reply
  28. Imagine how nice it would be to give it to the local school. (Jeeze I am sounding like an old fart).I am totally in agreement with you. Just yesterday I was thinking about the perfectly good pianos that are occasionally dropped from great heights in movies and programs like Mythbusters. Disadvantaged kids around the world would love to have those pianos to learn on.Some time ago in Cairns old upright pianos were put in several public places for anybody to use. I don't know what happened, but expect they would have been targets for vandals. Great idea nevertheless.Nice story about your Grandad.

    Reply
  29. Love the idea of pianos in public places.We went to the Melb Arts Center many years ago and a friend who is a bit "out going" opened up the Baby Grand in the bar while we were waiting and started to play. Liz was mortified.But no one came and turfed us out and one lady even put a dollar on the top of the piano.As Steve said later "I don't get the chance to play a Baby Grand very often so I went for it." I was very impressed.One of my things on the todo list is to be wealthy enough to gather up instruments and make them available for kids to try in some sort of hands on music museum.The realisation of this dream is about as close as flying on the Space Shuttle. (Also on the list)

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  30. One of my things on the todo list is to be wealthy enough to gather up instruments and make them available for kids to try in some sort of hands on music museum. Fabulous dream Pete…..I hope it comes true one day. Just watching Dr Phil yesterday supporting a program in America to provide disadvantages schools with musical instruments for the kids to play.We don't hear enough of these good projects being carried out in our world.

    Reply

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