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GOF and Delilah

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Sustaining a marriage over a long period of time is a complex balancing act with a degree of difficulty equivalent to tightrope walking with counter-rotating hula hoops and all the while juggling half a dozen double-edged swords, any of which in a moment of inattention, might chop off something important.

Up until recently I figured Mrs GOF had, over a period of 30 something years saved me close to $5000 by doing all my hairdressing.
It's not that I am ungrateful, but it remains one of my "swords".

Where do young hairdressers normally begin learning?  
Do they start on laboratory animals, poodles or store dummies before progressing to humans?  Mrs GOF practised on me, and for a long time I went around looking like a startled lemur having a bad hair day before she eventually gained competence with her craft.

Since returning from the religious heartland of the USA, her hairdressing chairside manner has deteriorated to the point of frightening intimidation.

Firstly I was accused of "going follicularly feral" while she was away.  Not my fault…..it just grows that way. Blame God or my primate ancestors for making the hair that used to flourish on my head now sprout randomly from all those other places.  
And anyway it was she who refused my repeated requests to provide a surrogate wife for 5 weeks to attend to little matters such as this.

Secondly, having subjugated me on the lowest chair available and fashioned short back and sides on one half of my noggin, she chose that precise moment to demand that I rescind several apparently unpopular domestic management decisions I had made during her absence, and in particular, make restitution for something she called
"your act of insensitive thickheadedness."  

My usual democratic right of reply, debate and/or rude gesturing was guillotined with;
"Do you want to go around in public forever looking like a lopsided leprechaun GOF?"  
and
"She who holds sharp scissors holds ultimate power."

I wish I had paid a whole lot more attention to religious instruction classes when I was young.
.
.

(And it's not like ALL her best crockery, cutlery and kitchen utensils went to the opportunity shop) 

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About GOF

"Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it, depends upon what you put into it." (Tom Lehrer)

14 responses »

  1. I just love your metaphors. Primitive beings and swords, sounds good to me. And btw I think a man with a bit of wild hair and scruff is hot.
    I'm sure the hairdressers didn't practice on poodles, their owners are probably more viscious and particular than Hollywood models. I think they practice on balloons, don't they?

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  2. for a long time I went around looking like a startled lemur having a bad hair dayYou are much braver than I am. What I would look like after my wife got done would be the least of my problems … losing and eye or an ear would take precedence …

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  3. Oh my goodness, that is priceless. I am assuming you left your mouth closed until she finished the haircut? Then did you say what you really wanted to?? I love your description of what you went around looking like! Oh my word..you paint such a wonderful picture with words.

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  4. And btw I think a man with a bit of wild hair and scruff is hot.I can assure you there is at least ONE exception to that idea Emmi 🙂

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  5. losing and eye or an ear would take precedence …I've almost been in that predicament because she needs 4 separate strength glasses to see properly…..I worry one day she'll have the wrong ones on then "snip", "gush of blood" and I'll be a uni-lug for the rest of my life.

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  6. Thanks F.S. I am assuming you left your mouth closed until she finished the haircut? I keep my mouth shut lots of times…..I have learned the wisdom if doing that over the years :-)Once the children get into their teenage years, Mom or Dad haircuts are not good enough anymore…..just not cool. You are probably doing the right thing just going with the flow…..if you make a fuss they will probably discover an even more dramatic haircut to come home with.

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  7. your act of insensitive thickheadedness."
    WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? WHICH ONE THIS TIME?
    My sister cuts BIL's hair – and yes it is easy to see that she does. It looks as though she grabs tuffs and hacks away. Mr FD's option has been to go bald!

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  8. Brilliant. You really should have known better than to speak while she was in charge of not only your appearance but also whether you still had possession of both ears by sunset.

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  9. I cut the manservant's hair. You have no idea how much enjoyment I get out of laughing periodically as I snip. Maybe that should read maniacally…….

    Reply
  10. your act of insensitive thickheadedness."
    WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? WHICH ONE THIS TIME?Oh I just can't keep track any more FD…..it's been a woeful life :-)I have to admit Mrs GOF's haircuts are now very professional and every time I pass a sign "mens haircuts $18 " I am proud of her talents, and happy to have a wallet significantly fatter than it otherwise might be 🙂

    Reply
  11. You really should have known better than to speak while she was in chargeI am just a slow learner Vicola.

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  12. You have no idea how much enjoyment I get out of laughing periodically as I snip. Disregarding all the rubbish I wrote for this story Emjay, haircutting time for us is a really fun time……I think you probably know exactly what I mean.

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  13. I'm impressed that Mrs GOF has such talent. I'm sure one Sister in Law uses a pudding bowl when she cuts her kids hair. The kids still have their ears so they must fit under the bowl.

    Reply
  14. Thanks for reminding me of pudding bowl haircuts.Every kid in primary school lived in dread of having one of those and being the laughing stock of everyone else.

    Reply

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