With Mrs GOF having safely returned to my arms from the USA,
I reflect upon some of the wonders of our modern world.
Firstly, according to her photographic evidence, people have apparently been able to adapt to living in places where the maximum temperature regularly descends below 20 degrees Celsius.
That a human being can actually have the motivation and desire to be cooped up like an unemployed battery hen inside the cage of an aeroplane for 22 hours of flight time.
That a piece of machinery weighing 700,000 pounds including 300,000 pounds of fuel, can actually get off the ground at Brisbane airport and climb to 35000 feet, then navigate itself non-stop to a tiny strip of tarmac at Los Angeles, 14 hours away, and, if necessary, autoland itself there.
Two pieces of appropriately tagged luggage placed on a conveyor belt in Cairns, Australia, will emerge on the carousel at Minneapolis having defied all the possibilities of getting lost during 3 intermediate changes of aircraft.
When I think of the 200 million dollar price tag of a B747, and the operating costs, I am amazed that Qantas actually makes any profit at all when Mrs GOF paid just A$50 for each hour she was airborne.
Considering all the wonders outlined above, why then did science fail to prevent the two passengers sitting on either side of her on the return Minnesota to Phoenix sector from being infectious with the common cold?
Before old GOF does any International air travel he will require two things to happen;
1. The installation of "contagion scanners" in airport boarding
lounges which will instantly vaporise any inconsiderate disease-
ridden passengers attempting to sneak on board.
2. To prevent my life of contentment being compromised by suicide
bombers, annoying, or even just mildly irritating
people, every passenger seat shall be fitted with ejector
technology as perfected in fighter planes.
The remote control module containing all 350 red buttons will be
resting on my lap for the entire duration of the journey.
If I pot up a few extra plants in my nursery this week I might be able to afford one of these;