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It’s a wonderful world…..almost

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With Mrs GOF having safely returned to my arms from the USA,
I reflect upon some of the wonders of our modern world.

Firstly, according to her photographic evidence, people have apparently been able to adapt to living in places where the maximum temperature regularly descends below 20 degrees Celsius.

That a human being can actually have the motivation and desire to be cooped up like an unemployed battery hen inside the cage of an aeroplane for 22 hours of flight time.

That a piece of machinery weighing 700,000 pounds including 300,000 pounds of fuel, can actually get off the ground at Brisbane airport and climb to 35000 feet, then navigate itself non-stop to a tiny strip of tarmac at Los Angeles, 14 hours away, and, if necessary, autoland itself there.

Two pieces of appropriately tagged luggage placed on a conveyor belt in Cairns, Australia, will emerge on the carousel at Minneapolis having defied all the possibilities of getting lost during 3 intermediate changes of aircraft.

When I think of the 200 million dollar price tag of a B747, and the operating costs, I am amazed that Qantas actually makes any profit at all when Mrs GOF paid just A$50 for each hour she was airborne.

Considering all the wonders outlined above, why then did science fail to prevent the two passengers sitting on either side of her on the return Minnesota to Phoenix sector from being infectious with the common cold?

Before old GOF does any International air travel he will require two things to happen;

1. The installation of "contagion scanners" in airport boarding
     lounges which will instantly vaporise any inconsiderate disease-
     ridden passengers attempting to sneak on board.

2. To prevent my life of contentment being compromised by suicide
     bombers, annoying, or even just mildly irritating
     people, every passenger seat shall be fitted with ejector
     technology as perfected in fighter planes.

    The remote control module containing all 350 red buttons will be
    resting on my lap for the entire duration of the journey.

  OR

    If I pot up a few extra plants in my nursery this week I might be able to afford one of these;

                                        In my eyes, the most beautiful aircraft ever built.

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About GOF

"Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it, depends upon what you put into it." (Tom Lehrer)

23 responses »

  1. Welcome home, Mrs. GOF!When you get that plane, bring 'er on by…I think you may be able to land it in one of the pastures. I'd love for someone to take me up to see the Badlands.

    Reply
  2. I'm glad Mrs GOF is home and hope she is over the sniffles quickly. I'm always surprised that the manservant is not sicker given all the travel he does…LOL "pot" plants might get you arrested….

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  3. I'd love to see you get that plane. I picture you being a good pilot. In the meantime Mrs GOF might want to look into Airborne, it works nicely for us. Echinasia is the key, I think.

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  4. GOF, I like your standards!! When they are met, let me know! My lack of a properly working immune system makes this subject especially important to me!

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  5. Poor Mrs GOF – I hope that you take tender loving care of her, or you will answer to me…
    Why stop there? Why not have everyone in transparent clothing so that all "carry ons" are plain to sight?

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  6. Thanks m-t.I think you may be able to land it in one of the pastures. I'd love for someone to take me up to see the Badlands.You'd better get the cows in to graze the pasture short before I arrive, and please shovel away all the cowshit. I'd hate for you to have to clean up several million dollars worth of aeroplane debris scattered around the blackened remains of your barn.

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  7. "pot" plants might get you arrested.Now there's an idea I had never considered Emjay.I have such thoughtful neighbours here on Vox.:-)Maybe the manservant has gained immunity through all his travels.

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  8. Thanks for the health tip Emmi….she now regrets packing away all her vitamins etc a couple of days before departure.I'd love to see you get that plane.I already have one as part of my flight simulator fleet. It cost $40, and enables me to dream of the real thing.

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  9. Thanks F.S.I am surprised there is not technology available to "cleanse" or filter the recirculated air to prevent the widespread distribution of viruses in aircraft. Perhaps human rights groups might oppose my proposals ๐Ÿ™‚

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  10. I hope that you take tender loving care of her, or you will answer to me…OK, I'll get right on to that FD.:-)Why not have everyone in transparent clothing My initial reaction to this was…….heck FD..you already know what it was…..then I thought about the passing parade of humanity I see each week in the shopping centre. Can we please not go ahead with this proposal of yours?

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  11. Hahahahaha……great idea……I sure would not want that job!

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  12. I'd love to have a private jet, the main thing I hate about flights is other people. I always get sat next to the person who coughs for the entire flight and in front of the brat that kicks the back of my seat for however many hours. Once, a woman changed her baby's filthy nappy on the seat next to me. It stunk beyond words and I could quite cheerfully have pushed her out of the emergency exit.

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  13. A very heartfelt welcome home for Mrs GOF. I am pleased the two of you are reunited again. Pretty sure there's some concrete needing a mix outside ๐Ÿ˜‰
    Seriously though, pleased Mrs GOF is safe and well.
    On the subject of the Cessna, a stunning craft she most certainly is. I've always had a favourite in the HondaJet. Fuel efficiency on it is apparently stunning, down to loading the engines on top of the wings. Load, drag, lift etc are all pretty much beyond me as a non-pilot. I understand how they work and why they do what they do, but having never experienced first hand the feeling behind them I am in no position to comment – you'd know much more about it than I!

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  14. You can fly through a barn? I thought with those mad-skills from mountain-valley flying you could do anything!

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  15. I'd love to have a private jetMaybe if you sold a few items of sundry bric-a-brac from your house, and I have a good day selling plants at the flea market this weekend we could go halves and buy a new one next week? We could lease it out to PeteGraham who could then jet off to Australia every weekend.

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  16. Thank you for welcoming back Mrs GOF. No immediate concreting work for her to do. :-)I am not familiar with the HondaJet but will have a look at it. I am always intrigued by the physics of flight.

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  17. You can fly through a barn?It's more that chook shed of yours that I am worried about…..neither the windows or the door are anywhere near wide enough.:-)

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  18. Has the paint dried in the kitchen?Was Mrs GOF suspicious of the renovations?I hope you are going to blog your defensive strategy or is Mrs GOF so switched on that you have decided to fess up on your self sufficiency nightmares? Some times it's easier to stop digging.

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  19. decided to fess up on your self sufficiency nightmaresI think all in all I will take your wise advice, put away my excavator, and stop digging.:-)

    Reply
  20. Brilliant idea! I have currently sold 3 of my old DVDs via Amazon and have made a tenner. By my reckoning I should only have to sell about 30 million more used DVDs to make my half. Perhaps I should sell some books too, speed things up a bit.

    Reply
  21. By my reckoning I should only have to sell about 30 million more I'm having similar problems here too Vicola.We are probably going to have to come up with something more lucrative and if necessary….. illegal. I'll work on it over the weekend and maybe rent out my garden shed to a drug manufacturing syndicate. You keep on selling your books and DVD's.

    Reply
  22. Hi Thanks
    for providing such a great site. I'll be coming back regularly to see
    what's
    new. Thanks Again Lots in Costa Rica

    Reply
  23. Thank you Sophie for your visit and comment.

    Reply

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