RSS Feed

Diamonds and pearls

Posted on

Several Companies around the world (including this one) have brought General Electric's 1950's technology of artificially manufacturing diamonds to a place where we can all participate.

They are converting humans into sparkling "girl's best friends".
Cadavers into cash.

One Swiss company even claims that the Pope has given his blessing to their enterprise.

(How confusing it is to note that The Vatican liturgical logic sanctions this sort of tampering with human remains soon after death, yet makes a God Almighty song and dance about artificial interventions prior to conception of life.)

The ashes of our cremated loved one can, for prices starting around $5000, be converted into a diamond.

The size of the gem depends upon how much carbon/graphite can be extracted from the remains.

Now, if Mrs GOF does something terribly irresponsible such as predecease me, I of course, will always need her glittering bling-ness to dangle around my neck to act as a wet blanket to any future nursing home love trysts which might be on offer.

Firstly however, I will need to work on her carbon content and fatten her up on burnt toast (no problem) and incinerated barbecue steak to ensure my rock shall be of monumental proportions.

And if I am first to drop off the perch they might also be able to scrounge around inside me for some embryo kidney or gallstones to seed some oysters and make for her an accessory string of pearls.

 

My Mum once said I was precious.
 
Until today no-one on earth had any idea what she was talking about.

Read and post comments |
Send to a friend

Advertisements

About GOF

"Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it, depends upon what you put into it." (Tom Lehrer)

16 responses »

  1. The size of the gem depends upon how much carbon/graphite can be extracted from the remains.The manservant is a very big man……..

    Reply
  2. Now that's what I call carbon capture. I suspect the enegy used may produce more green house gas on balance though.What's with the colours though? I can understand the yellow one but where did the red one come from?I know. I know. I'm going back to the naughty corner right now.

    Reply
  3. How mortifying. I'll be worth more dead than alive.

    Reply
  4. I have a feeling that as with life, I may go through this process and be reborn as a cubic zirconia. Or a diamante. Such is life.

    Reply
  5. hahahaahha…..you are so funny.

    Reply
  6. The manservant is a very big man……..He'll know what you are up to if you suddenly start feeding him more burnt toast Emjay:-)

    Reply
  7. I know. I know. I'm going back to the naughty corner right now.It's all right Pete….you can come out now 🙂

    Reply
  8. I'll be worth more dead than alive. Only if you keep increasing your weight and carbon content Snowy. 🙂

    Reply
  9. I may go through this process and be reborn as a cubic zirconia. Or a diamante. Such is life. Maybe all the Vegemite might have some influence on what sort of precious jewel you will become Pete 🙂

    Reply
  10. Thank you F.S.you are so funny.
    I think it is our world that is really funny.

    Reply
  11. I will need to work on her carbon content
    Such dedication and loving care!!!!!

    Reply
  12. Such dedication and loving care!!!!!Only the best for Mrs GOF, FD

    Reply
  13. I cannot imagine walking around wearing the remains of a deceased loved-one, no matter what form they are in. But … I can just see in another 100 years or so when someone shows up at a family reunion wearing a 'diamond' necklace made up of all their ancestors.

    Reply
  14. wearing a 'diamond' necklace made up of all their ancestors. That's an interesting possibility …….I can just imagine him wandering around the reunion checking everybody out to see who might be the next addition to his necklace 🙂

    Reply
  15. this is great,where do i sign up, i'll put it on my mantlepiece with a light on it.

    Reply
  16. Remind me not to get that belly piercing…..

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: