Today, while Mrs GOF is frolicking in Minnesota building snowmen,
POG (Poor Old Gof) has been slaving away selling our plants in a shopping centre.
Right next to the loudspeaker playing Christmas carols on a 20 minute continuous loop.
Ad infinitum. Ad nauseum.
That equates to three "Twelve Days of Christmas" every hour for eight hours.
If you think I am quibbling over trivialities here, please let me fully furnish you on precisely how my day was populated.
528 Turtle doves
642 French hens
768 Calling birds
1008 Geeses painfully passing eggs through their cloacas
1008 Swans farting around on water
960 Maids squirting milk into buckets
864 Ladies dancing someplace I couldn't see them
720 Stupid leaping lords
528 Pipers doing some plumbing or whatever
288 Drummers being their usual pain in the arse selves.
Then there were all the partridges!
Don't talk to me about Fartridges in Fair trees!
Next year, 2010, has been declared International Year of Biodiversity. Now I wish everyone well with that.
GOF has just declared 2010 the year for exterminating every single partridge on the planet, along with the glyphosate poisoning of all pear trees.
Next Christmas everyone can terminate each mind-numbing verse with;
"And a Dodo in a Dead tree"
Bloody partridges! How am I going to sleep tonight with all that bedlam going on in my head?