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Where’s a gun when you need one?

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(It is very late in my day, and accordingly this may well not be the finest piece of literature ever written.  My apologies.)

Today, while Mrs GOF is frolicking in Minnesota building snowmen,
POG  (Poor Old Gof) has been slaving away selling our plants in a shopping centre.

Right next to the loudspeaker playing Christmas carols on a 20 minute continuous loop.

Ad infinitum.      Ad nauseum.

That equates to three "Twelve Days of Christmas" every hour for eight hours.

If you think I am quibbling over trivialities here, please let me fully furnish you on precisely how my day was populated.
It included;

528      Turtle doves
642      French hens
768      Calling birds
1008   Geeses painfully passing eggs through their cloacas
1008   Swans farting around on water
960     Maids squirting milk into buckets
864     Ladies dancing someplace I couldn't see them
720     Stupid leaping lords
528     Pipers doing some plumbing or whatever
288     Drummers being their usual pain in the arse selves.

Then there were all the partridges!
Don't talk to me about Fartridges in Fair trees!

Next year, 2010, has been declared International Year of Biodiversity.    Now I wish everyone well with that.

GOF has just declared 2010 the year for exterminating every single partridge on the planet, along with the glyphosate poisoning of all pear trees.

Next Christmas everyone can terminate each mind-numbing verse with;

"And a Dodo in a Dead tree"


Bloody partridges!   How am I going to sleep tonight with all that bedlam going on in my head?

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About GOF

"Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it, depends upon what you put into it." (Tom Lehrer)

6 responses »

  1. I hope there were no Flamingo Dancers 'a Drinking on your song list – I am not ready to be an endangered species.
    GOF do you not have an ipod?

  2. Ah…I feel your pain!When I was putting myself through uni, Christmas temp work was easy to find. I'd get mall jobs and they'd do the same loop you had to listen to! One night, they had a children's brass band playing instead. Those kids were HORRIBLE and I welcomed it, gladly. :pThere's a reason Mall Santas are known for being drunk…besides the never-ending queue of kids peeing on them. Mall Music!

  3. GOF do you not have an ipod?I certainly do have an ipod FD.Mrs GOF filled it up with Christmas carols before she left just so I wouldn't get lonely or miss out on the yuletide spirit.

  4. Ah…I feel your pain!Thank you m-t…..I knew someone would understand. This was far worse than one other previous experience I had where a 10 year old boy was busking next to me, with oh maybe 1 week of total experience on instrument. I still hate the sound of the violin.

  5. hmmm … one post about the evils of guns … the next post wishing you'd had one …Yes, I hate Christmas Carols for exactly the same reason. Programmers seem to think that the SAME song sung by 27 different singers is something to be proud of …

  6. hmmm … one post about the evils of guns … the next post wishing you'd had one …I was wondering when someone was going to pick that up. Basic rule is;guns are good when I need one 🙂


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