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Space age cups

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The perfect job offered to us unexpectedly on a platter, is an occurrence as rare as painful wisdom tooth emergence in juvenile roosters.
This story will not alter that statistic.

I have, occasionally, felt that there might be some other vocational opportunity in the world for which I might be better suited.

Once a month we sell our plants in a shopping centre which includes a hairdressing salon.  The proprietor, a man only slightly younger than me  (I suspect however we might be separated by a slightly larger margin in the area of sexual proclivity)  spends his entire day happily fondling women who appear to be equally happy and indeed pay money to be fondled, brushed, blow-dried, and coiffured by him.

I derive some satisfaction from keeping abreast of entrepreneurial trends, and accordingly have found a niche research opportunity to create an innovative  product, and maybe start a whole new career.

Richard Branson and others are proposing space tourism for ordinary people.
For simple, ordinary folk like you and me who might just happen to have a spare half million dollars stashed under the mattress.

The brassiere, is a perfectly stylish, functional, albeit occasionally annoying and obstructive garment in Earth's normal gravity field.
It will however require radical re-design to maintain optimum restraint, lift and separation in the conditions of weightlessness in space, and the extreme forces associated with re-entry to the Earth's atmosphere.

Some flimsy little piece of embroidered silk will be equivalent to a little boy trying to do a grown man's job.

Once again I am looking for volunteers.

Ladies, you responded poorly to my last request to test the centrifugal birthing apparatus. Admittedly some of you were able to use the excuse that you were not in the final trimester of pregnancy at the time.  Now however, I can see that you are all eminently qualified to participate, and I am planning to offer the additional and irresistible bribe of a free scenic jet flight.

I have written to Qantas asking them, in the interests of science, to donate a Boeing 747 to fill up with me (fully attired) and my 300 volunteer models-of-all-cup-sizes (dressed only in foundation garments) for a series of high altitude zero gravity loops so that I might get a more empirical eyefull  idea of the biomechanical design challenges confronting me.

The possibility of some sort of fashion designing career should have been made known to me at a much younger age.
My vocational guidance teachers at school only ever gave me 4 options;


Never, not even once, were the words "Intimate Apparel" whispered into my young earholes as a possible career choice. 
I could now have been basking in International glory surrounded by my models on the catwalks of Paris, instead of languishing in abject mediocrity in the Australian wilderness.

I have been short changed in this life.

My 40DD career potential emasculated by the 32A social constraints inflicted upon my generation.

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About GOF

"Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it, depends upon what you put into it." (Tom Lehrer)

22 responses »

  1. An excellent and worthwhile project, GOF, and I would like to offer myself as a co-conspirator. um. I mean participant.Having carefully nutured my own mammary glands over the years, I think they can stand up well to the gravitational stresses. I may have to pass on the foundation garments though. The muffin top doesn't look good even on me.

  2. *puts on her blonde wig*
    Are E cups too big for this project?
    *blinks happily*

  3. I've seen some sci fi ladies who could use some innovative support! πŸ˜€

  4. keeping abreast of entrepreneurial trends????
    Oh GOF no need for such extreme efforts, why not get a job as a Myer bra fitting specialist? I fear the lack of gravity will just have the shoulder boulders going heavenward and splaying backwards over shoulders and under armpits. Perhaps not quite the desired effect you were after…ah old men and their dreams….
    Though now that I think about it the lack or gravitation mught be helpful for certain parts of the male anatomy as well…

  5. It's the same cruel twist of fate that stopped me from being the daughter of someone as rich as the Sultan of Brunei and therefore never having to have a boring old day job. Sometimes life is harsh!!

  6. Ladies, you responded poorly to my last request to test the centrifugal birthing apparatus.Never been pregnant but thinking if ever I were, getting it OUT would probably make one just about as ready for any possible aide.Mind your A cup-mentions. Some of us are just fine with being diminutive!

  7. Thank you Pete. It is only in times of desperate need when ones true friends volunteer to lend a hand. Welcome to the flight.It was however a close decision. Inclusion of details about your own breasts on the formal application almost cost you the job. πŸ™‚

  8. Are E cups too big for this project? The Bucket does not discriminate on any grounds LOM.I will happily handle whatever you wish to throw at me.Could I possibly warn against the "blinking happily" though… that Petermcc is on staff the combination of all your factors might bring out a side of him we don't know about.

  9. I've seen some sci fi ladies who could use some innovative support!Thank you Emmi. Send them all here, I'm always happy to be of service.

  10. why not get a job as a Myer bra fitting specialist I offered to do some voluntary community service in that department but got rejected and evicted from the whole shopping centre.Since you so graphically described some possible female anatomical behaviours in space I have gone off the idea.And please FD this is NOT an appropriate forum to discuss male anatomy.Thank you.

  11. Sometimes life is harsh!! Excellent. I knew I could count on you for some understanding and sympathy.Is there any way you could forge some genetic paternity tests and claim to be the Sultan's love child? Just trying to help πŸ™‚

  12. Mind your A cup-mentions.I am a great admirer of A's m-t(and B,C,D, and apparently now also E's)The world is a wonderful place from my point of view.

  13. Well, I didn't exactly say that my "factors" were an E cup. And you're right, Peter is an unknown quantity in the field of gravitational breast testing (unlike yourself). I don't know whether I quite trust the fellow to be as professional as a learned scientist such as yourself.

  14. "*chokes*"Sorry that the gravity of my scientific discoveries provided a distraction while you were swallowing your meal.Would a virtual whack on the back and glass of water help?

  15. the "gravity" of your scientific discoveries….?
    *chokes again*
    I … don't… think… you're… helping with… this situation.

  16. "I … don't… think… you're… helping with… this situation. "Paramedics are on the way…….keep breathing LOM Don't panic…..don't panic………don't panic….

  17. ACK! Keep them people away from me. Do you know a patient transport officer in the ambos in Australia gets a better pay than a paramedic gets in this state? Sheesh.
    (well obviously I've recovered from my choking fit).
    Have I used up your month's worth of internet yet with my frivilous bs? πŸ˜›

  18. I'm shocked to be described as an unknown quantity.I believe I'm an open book when it comes to appreciating the female form as my wife can attest. On being sprung enjoying the view at the local shopping center and seeing Liz raise an eye brow in my direction, I simply replied with "You know I like to give positive feedback."The bra fitting technician had occured to me years ago but I felt the nasty habit of drooling would probably act against my career choice.

  19. Sadly I suspect that my very English bright white complexion which doesn't tan no matter how long I bake for and green eyes may give me away….

  20. Very amusing post. When do you invent and test some male-anatomy-related device?
    I have an agreement with the manservant – when I catch him examining "cups" I get a new pair of shoes. (this came about from a wonderful cartoon I once saw). He does try to argue though that some are just "thrown" at him ……

  21. Have I used up your month's worth of internet yet with my frivilous bs?It is just a great pleasure to have your company on occasions like this πŸ™‚

  22. When do you invent and test some male-anatomy-related device?Male anatomy, Emjay is not a subject to be discussed on this forum :-)I have an agreement with the manservant – when I catch him examining "cups" I get a new pair of shoes.Did you steal this agreement from Imelda Marcos or vice versa?


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