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Damn!, I can smell Soylent Green biscuits

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Monumental achievements in life deserve appropriate recognition.

For Olympic athletes, it is standing on top of the podium, a gold medal weighing heavily against the chest, receiving adulation from the world, and a sloppy kiss on the cheek or a limp sweaty handshake from some prehistoric foreign sporting dignitary.

Last year, as a reward for clocking up the prescribed number of years tolerating my fellow humans without killing even a single one of them, I was rewarded by my Government with a beautifully crafted gold and white chunk of plastic called a "Seniors Card".

Somehow I think I deserved more.

Perhaps a gold watch, an audience with Elle, a portfolio of natural gas shares, (an industry to which I could give back as well as receive), or a personalised tour of Rio's Carnivale with Megan McCormick.

My "Old Farts Card" is however rapidly proving to be a passport to early death.

When I buy a cup of coffee from a certain franchise shop, my OFC automatically entitles me to 3 free donuts.

Over the years I have selflessly compiled with all my usual research diligence, for the benefit of all humanity, a sliding-scale list of substances which, when ingested into the human body, are guaranteed to cause death.  Donuts rate as Number 5.

1. Nuclear waste
2. Agent Orange herbicide
3. Nicotine
4. Salami
5. Donuts
6. Lead fishing sinkers

 Incontrovertible fact.   
(Kids, please feel free to use this information in school projects. Your teacher may or may not reward you with an A+ for discovering the motherlode of truth.)

My newly acquired classification of ancienthood also entitles me to discounted admission to my multiplex cinemas, but I refuse to accept the invitation because I just happen to know what the devious grand plan is.

They deliberately schedule screenings of historic romantic flicks like "Gone with the Wind", "Breakfast at Tiffanys" or "Debbie does Dallas" to lure all us spent old souls into one cinema, then fill it up via the airconditioning system with every single swine flu organism they can suck out of the younger patrons at the other 4 cinemas.

It might just be my imagination, but sometimes when I am walking downwind of the theatres I swear I can detect the sweet aroma of freshly baked Soylent Green biscuits wafting on the breeze.

("Soylent Green" is an old movie starring Charlton Heston, with storyline set in New York in the year 2022 when the city has a population of 40 million.
Older citizens are euthanased and their corpses used as ingredients in Soylent Green biscuits, the only affordable food left in an overpopulated world, where only the rich can afford proper food.)

This is just a message of courtesy for my supportive little community of vox friends who regularly choose to punish their intelligence by reading all my rubbish.
I am going to have a break away from blogging for a little while, starting in around two minutes from now.
There is a half acre of weeds growing in my plant nursery that apparently no-one else is going to remove.
I am also feeling the need to spend more time meditatively walking around the places I love in my National Park.

If this Scrap Bucket nonsense has not resumed by the end of September, you may safely conclude that GOF has been turned into a biscuit.


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About GOF

"Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it, depends upon what you put into it." (Tom Lehrer)

16 responses »

  1. It must be the weather. I'm considering a similar hiatus from blogging. I also have fears of returning as a biscuit. Enjoy your break.

  2. Enjoy the break, we'll miss you! Good luck with the weeds and if you don't return I will give up biscuits altogether, just in case….

  3. Enjoy the break! (Like pulling weeds can be enjoyable …)Damn it! I just had to cancel my lunch order of lead fishing sinkers!

  4. I must read Soylent Green again. Used to be required reading in secondary schools at one time. You know. Back in the old fashioned days of Pass or Fail rather than the frightfully modern everyone wins a prize.

    Hurry back, GOF. It's good for my health to start the day with a good belly laugh.

    PS Agent Orange can fix the weed problem eventually and it might stop you becoming a biscuit.

  5. Haaa! Soylent Green, no need to explain that scary concept, although your theatre scenario would make good frightening fiction as well. White flour should come with a skull and crossbones in general.
    Your story reminded me of how my doctor gave me an inhaler after I had my first asthma attack (talk about a first to celebrate 😛 ) and the only reason I didn't throw it in the trash was because he offered it to me for free, I felt it rude to toss it out. But to be labelled as disabled in that way, not fun.
    Feel free to toss that Senior Card out, make yourself a "Doctor Who is 500 years old" card instead. 😉
    I'll miss you while you're away, but a break is good.

  6. It's been a couple of days so I hope you are making progress on those weeds……I envy you your National Park. My meditation must be done amongst the crowds!

  7. For the record, if you ever again:
    a) disparage salami or
    b) utter the words 'Debbie Does Dallas'
    I shall disown you.

    Enjoy your timeout 🙂

  8. I'm considering a similar hiatus from bloggingI think the world needs your relentless pursuit of things that matter in the world Snowy. Searched for the FNP this morning and couldn't find it. Hope it is only a temporary omission.

  9. Enjoy the break, we'll miss you! Thank you Vicola.

  10. I must read Soylent Green again.I only ever saw the movie and it left an indelible mark on my memory.

  11. how my doctor gave me an inhaler I hope you do not continue to suffer from asthma. When Globet was about 10 she was diagnosed with asthma and given all the paraphernalia, none of which she used and the "asthma" went away naturallyYou're right, I think I will throw away my senior card.

  12. My meditation must be done amongst the crowds!Thank you Emjay. A quiet and comfortable place to come home to is probably the most important thing.

  13. Enjoy the break!Thank you GOM. I am.

  14. I promise I won't ever again mention salami or Texas :-)(nor in all probability anything else either….them thar weeds are outta control 😉

  15. Thank you – luckily my doctor declared it "seasonal asthma" – that helped me not panic. Apparently there's a psychological component to immune system stuff, not to say it isn't physical, but asthma is exacerbated by panic. My doc gave me fish oil capsules and they work wonders, plus raw honey kills my allergy attacks. Yay!
    I've been studying up on the "fountain of youth" lifestyle, staying healthy right up until our deaths. I really do think it works. Of course it involves all the stuff people hate: exercise, eating vegetables, staying very thin. But I think it's worth the effort.
    Sorry for the long comment – but I would love to see Soylent Green. It's just the grim carp that I'm obsessed with. Have you seen The Cell? It scared the bejezez out of me at first but it's really quite a beautiful movie.

  16. Searched for the FNP this morning and couldn't find it. Hope it is only a temporary omission. Thanks GOF. I had other reasons for not posting, but doubt that I would have had anything to say, anyway. I'll probably post sporadic FNP's in future, whenever I think I have something to say. I was beginning to think that I was just repeating myself. I know most people cut old people a bit of slack in that department, but I was even beginning to annoy myself, and being old, I don't have to put up with that sort of nonsense any more.


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