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I’m all done with inventions

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GOF is in a lot of trouble again.

One very nice Russian lady answered my request for pregnant test dummies patients to come forward and help me to conduct a round of warmup trials on my modified centrifugal birthing machine. (here)

Petchonkina is a recent arrival in Australia, having been sponsored by her 3 brothers under the family immigration scheme.

The information that these 3 brothers were all lawyers specialising in Medical Negligence and Accident Compensation claims unfortunately was not in my possession at the time when I strapped her in, started it up, then became distracted while searching for some nurses to attend, and went away to the beach for a weekend of fishing.

The court case starts on September 2.

Would anyone like to volunteer as an evidential witness to support my plea of temporary insanity?

Meanwhile;

Mr Juan Gearloose from Sydney has sent me a letter requesting that I modernise the following failed invention
Patent # 6,681,419  which he found whilst apparently having nothing better to do on the internet.

You are a really stupid man, Mr Gearloose.
I don't care that you "find some delight at lingering in public urinals to savour the ambience and decor, and enjoy the simple bonhomie and repartee of likeminded patrons."

What do you expect me to do with this headrest?
Add an MP4 player?
Perhaps in the circumstances a Wii module might be more appropriate?
You need help Mr Gearloose. 
Go away. 
This is not the place to find it.

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About GOF

"Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it, depends upon what you put into it." (Tom Lehrer)

11 responses »

  1. Would anyone like to volunteer as an evidential witness to support my plea of temporary insanity?Would it be too unkind of me to suggest that you'll have no trouble filling a courtroom, GOF?

    Reply
  2. This made my day … I suspect just site your blog as evidence of long term insanity! In case that doesn't work I am already baking a fruit cake with a file in it ….

    Reply
  3. Ha ha. Were you deliberately punning with the Wii/wee ? Of course you were!,

    Reply
  4. "Would it be too unkind of me to suggest that you'll have no trouble filling a courtroom"Quite the contrary Snowy. It would be an indication of the loyalty of all my friends. One front row seat is reserved for you because you probably will have more evidence to give.

    Reply
  5. "This made my day"Thank you (I think) FD. The last time I was incarcerated because of my shopping centre misdemeanor I was waiting for someone to send me a file cake.Now I know who my true friends really are.

    Reply
  6. "Were you deliberately punning with the Wii"Literature of this quality (insert very large dose of sarcasm) is incomplete without some subtle toilet humour pun.

    Reply
  7. Okay … I've always heard that Aussies "like their beer," but when it gets to the point of needing a headrest on a urinal, it's time to quit.Oh, and "bonhomie and repartee?" … Hell, I don't even make eye-contact!

    Reply
  8. Nice pickup Emjay. I thought it was something to do with the Wiimote and shaking drops off. (It's a guy thing.)I'm a bit worried about Petchonkina. Now GOF has to wait another 9 months before she can test the birthing chair again.How many babies has she signed up for, GOF, and have the brothers filed any documents for your possible paternal responsibilities?Looking at the sketch, is that the one armed man Dr Richard Kimble was looking for?

    Reply
  9. I think this was originally a US Patent.Maybe he had some Aussies in mind when he invented it.And I'm with you (in a philosophical sense that is) it is a project to be completed with minimal social interaction.

    Reply
  10. "I'm a bit worried about Petchonkina. Now GOF has to wait another 9 months before she can test the birthing chair again."Russian women have no sense of humour Pete. One slight mishap and now she refuses to sign up for another go.GOF has NO paternal responsibilities. I was not in Russia 9 month ago. And now with that bloody Petchonkina spreading all her stories around, it is even more unlikely that any woman on earth will have anything to do with me in the future.All this after the sacrifices I made for the women of the world in modifying a birthing device which previously could have been damaging to them. Sheesh.It is no wonder I am retiring from the invention industry.

    Reply

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