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Smile for the camera

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1.  It is hard to avoid noticing the huge steps forward that mankind has made in state-of-the-art teeth whitening.

A varied assortment of middle aged and beyond celebrities are sporting mouths full of almost luminescent fangs with such gleaming intensity that I need to adjust the contrast controls on my television.

I become distracted and entranced by the behaviour and the magnificence of the teeth, rather than paying attention to whatever important message is being imparted by the owner.

Am I the only one who finds a certain incongruity when such shininess and brand spanking newness appears on someone who is not only just over the brow of the hill, but has almost reached Life Everlasting Creek way down on the other side?

It is almost equivalent to having a grandiose and ostentatious stainless steel picket fence constructed out the front of a vacant allotment which has been seriously eroded by time and weather, and overgrown by gorse and weeds.

I have an almost insatiable urge to grab hold of some miniature spray paint cans, get into my television, and do some serious tagging.

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About GOF

"Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it, depends upon what you put into it." (Tom Lehrer)

18 responses »

  1. The vacant allotment analogy is appropriate.

  2. I saw an episode of Oprah this past week while medicated and they were all sitting at this long desk talking about how they all bought new teeth – the pursuit of perfection that makes the ordinary human feel inadequate.

  3. Sorry GOF I would've commented sooner but my whitening session took longer than I thought…. um…I mean…there was traffic on the way to work!

  4. I keep meaning to check out other people's teeth to see if they are really white. Personally, I just don't notice that. I like to tell myself that it's because I spend my time focused on what's inside the shell, but to be honest, I think it's more to do with just being terribly unobservant when I'm not behind a camera.
    … maybe that means I should devote some time to tooth photography?
    I agree with FD – I think it's just the latest in attempts to perfect the human body. *vomit*

  5. Are you into tagging Snowy? We could have some quality time together;-)

  6. I don't think we should feel inadequate FD because of the gleaming teeth any more than if they were strutting around showing off new silicon boob implants.Healthy normal coloured teeth on the middle aged are just as attractive and not as distractive.I was a blessed relief last night to see Shaun Micallef with au naturel teeth hosting his program.

  7. Did some irresponsible bugger leave some dairy cows on the road again? 😉

  8. Thanks for your contribution LOM. I am probably over sensitive about the issue because my dentist always argues with me about my policy of "if its gonna cost more than $300, pull it out" and he is running out of teeth in my gob to pull.It really is hard to concentrate on what's "inside the shell" because of all the flashes of dental distraction.Nigel Lithgoe (the frustration with him is that his choppers are well hidden behind ample lips and you have to wait for his opportunistic moments of display)Paul Hogan ; his time worn exterior makes them look even more out of place.Tooth photography? Just think LOM, if you excelled in this field you might just get presented with some special plaque to honour your achievements..I think perhaps it is time I got a life! 😉

  9. "special plaque"? *groan* I think I have enough of that anyhow.
    I'm with you on the tooth thing, and to top it off, I don't get anything done unless absolutely necessary. Which means I have one half tooth (top half missing), one crown I allowed in a moment of weakness at a Sydney free dental clinic and have regretted ever since, especially now it's disintegrating, and one tooth with about a third missing from out of the side. That one doesn't hurt, so I don't do anything about it, except pick my food out of it so compulsively, I'll probably destroy the rest of it soon.
    It's not pretty. Most days I simply don't care.

  10. Most days I simply don't care. And that is the way it should be, because your real friends will not care either.I am happy that I got to my age with at least half a set of useful choppers remaining. From now on though, it's gonna start getting really ugly 😉

  11. Nah, they're just on their way to beeeeautiful! Because soon you'll lose enough to have dentures, and then you can have startlingly beautiful white teeth! 😛

  12. WooHoo….life begins at 70?

  13. Life Without Teeth does, anyhow.

  14. It's just surviving the next 9 years until I get there which is the real problem.I guess brand new dentures on a cadaver defeats the purpose and the philosophy 😉

  15. Yes, I do notice this … not necessarily on TV, but in real life. I knew a guy who smoked, drank coffee, and had for almost 50 years … then one day he showed up with teeth so bright they were shocking. Unnatural looking. Almost luminescent. I didn't even remember what he said to me after we'd finished talking because all I could think about was his "glow in the dark" teeth.Of course, this was also around the time this particular almost-60-year-old man left his wife and took up residence with a 21-year-old twit … so I guess he was just trying to look younger. It didn't work.

  16. Thanks GOM….that's a fantastic story and I have not yet noticed many non-celebrity Australians going for the luminescent teeth option.A TV comparison of common teeth whitening products came to the conclusion they were of limited value, so I don't know how the "glow in the dark" teeth happen.

  17. I have definitely noticed it and find it quite disconcerting. The company I work for pays our dental coverage so everyone is very good at keeping up with their 6 month checks and cleanings. I'm lucky enough to still have all my teeth and no fillings. I even still have a healthy baby tooth!! But – the first trip to a dentist here he told me that my wisdom tooth should be pulled out. I started to cry! (not such a tough Aussie chick afterall). Nine years later I still have that wisdom tooth and each visit they say "I suppose there's no use talking about your wisdom tooth….." Nope – no use at all!

  18. I started to cry!I think I cried with the incredible pain of having all my wisdom teeth removed 30 odd years ago. Keep them all in your mouth for as long as you can, and preferably with natural colouration. You must have chosen your parents well. I blame all my dental problems on faulty genetics 😉


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