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Wrong man for the job

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One of the good things about growing up in a Methodist environment was the music.  Stirring hymns, many composed by John and Charles Wesley, magnificent pipe organs, and congregationally sung with great verve and scant regard for pitch and musicality were the only redeeming moments during my childhood sunday church incarcerations.

In Sunday School little gof regularly massacred the melodic
"Jesus wants me for a sunbeam" with the other young inmates.
Performances accompanied by visions of me levitating across the earth's surface beaming joy and happiness to all mankind with a rainbow-esque spectrum of light emanating from some unspecified bodily orifice.  (Hey, I was just a kid…gimme a break.)

These days I understand that Jesus would not have been that stupid to select me for such an honorary vocation.

Not one single human being who has ever had dealings with GOF in the past 60 years would have said  "what a pleasant illuminating fellow that GOF is……I think he should be a little lighthouse to help guide the way for humanity."

I emerged from the womb grumpy, and the condition progressively worsened.

My parents somehow tolerated me for 14 years, after which they both left town, leaving me in the dubious boarding care of an elderly and grouchy parishoner, who fed and nurtured the garden of cynicism and sarcasm (and lets not forget reality) growing within me.

No, I am sorry to say that Jesus most definitely did not want me for a sunbeam.
He had greater works in mind for me.

He gave me my own special hymn, sung to the same tune.
So please join me with this melodic lilting waltz.
Please sing it well.  We don't want any tunelessness reverberating around inside The Bucket.

1-2-3, 1-2-3

Jesus wants me to ex-ter-min-ate,
Re-lig-ious big-otry.             
Rabid evang-E-lism, and      
Mone-tary greed.
Sectar-ee-an Arro-Gance,     
(gotta get meter and emPHARsis right)
Pontificating priory,
Remove them all from me.

Chorus;   (sung with gay wild abandon)

ItsThe Bucket's wish for humanity.
Ree-ligious bigotry. YEAH!

Everybody,  one more time………………….or perhaps not.

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About GOF

"Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it, depends upon what you put into it." (Tom Lehrer)

8 responses »

  1. Exter-minate …. echo of dalek there (? Dr Who) Can I be in your group of back up singers? I can't carry a tune but I can shake a lot of stuff – more now than I use to be able too!
    You will always be our little ray of sunshine GOF fight ye may. Every dark cloud has a silver lining you know!!!!!

  2. Now if you had Catholic blood in you we would have seen an extra verse extolling the danger hidden in the dreaded condom.The current Pope has had a relapse.

  3. My time at Sunday school was only if I had stayed the w/end with my grandmother. I remember singing "Jesus loves me, yes he does" but I have fond memories of something that went "Now Sunday school is over and we are going home…. " and then kids would sing "hooray, hoo-ray" which I'm pretty sure was not correct. LOL

  4. You, FD, are more than welcome to shake all of your stuff in here any time you choose. And I personally will not be able to detect whether or not you are in tune.My cloud I suspect always lacked a silver lining. All that remains is a dark cumulo-nimbus trailing a shadow of irreverence and threatening to hail on everyone's parade. 😉

  5. If I had Catholic blood in me Peter, I probably would have had 9 brothers and sisters instead of being an only child.What is the correct terminology for killing one's siblings?

  6. I think I would have liked your Sunday school Emjay.There was a kids club attached to the Sunday school called the MOK's (Methodist Order of Knights) which went out on various excursions. One of the more senior members (he was perhaps 13) taught us once how to shoplift chocolates. I am pleased to report it is a skill that I have never ever put into practice myself.

  7. "siblicide" – thanks, I learned a new one looking that up.
    Flamingo Dancer – don't go talking about seeing the man's "silver lining" when he's talking about light shining from unspecified bodily orifices! 😛

  8. We both learned something.


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