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This one’s for you Kermit

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Books are something special.  They smell nice.
They also have recorded the history of mankind, and the research findings and philosophies of our greatest minds.  They intrigue children and inspire their imaginations.  They entertain us.
Books cover thousands of topics, and fortunately for us Mr Melvil Dewey in 1876 formulated a logical decimal system for categorising them in public libraries.

His original system has been improved and changed several times during the past century, and, in the light of recent publications,  I would humbly like to suggest that an additional category is required. 

1001.50  Shite

The works of many celebrity authors would then be given a more appropriate place of residence. 
Including Miss Piggy.
Her latest offering of verbiage is The Diva Code, which contains miscellaneous gruntings about fashion and career.
She has previously published some male-hating swill, and espoused all women of the world to immediately become "more selfish, self-indulgent and self-obsessed". 

How many trees were cut down to enable publication of all Miss Piggy's porcine puke?
What sort of credibility does the porker in the pink dress have anyway? 
She is terminally and permanently psychologically scarred from the humiliation of having had a human hand shoved up her backside for most of her public life.

She wants revenge.  Hence this compilation of crassitude.

I suggest she should write about subjects within her purview.

Perhaps "Miss Piggy's Dummies Guide to Cross Species Relationships"   1001.501  Shite

It could be filed alongside Paris Hiltons Guide to Modesty and Chastity in the Twenty First Century.   1001.502  Shite

And, the soon to be published;
Full Bucket  …..  The complete life story, philosophy and greatest literary works of GOF.
An illustrated pamphlet, to be found at;   1001.503  Shite

And Miss Piggy, please stop molesting my little friend Kermit.  (unless he really enjoys it.)

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About GOF

"Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it, depends upon what you put into it." (Tom Lehrer)

4 responses »

  1. And you tell me this just when I was thinking of writing a book? Forget the gypsies, you're definitely psychic, GOF.

  2. Now your book Snowy would end up in an entirely legitimate category. I hope you really do write a book…..perhaps collating your entire series of FNP's into a life story. Now that's a book I would buy.

  3. That would be the largest section of most modern libraries …

  4. Except perhaps for the "diet" section…..and half of that probably belongs somewhere else.


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