The human knowledge base deserves our appreciation of all the research work previously done by students, academics and scientists from all around the world.
Many scientific discoveries eventually find practical purposes in our daily lives. Some, however, either never quite make the grade, or indeed go on to conclude the bleeding obvious.
A recent study of dementia patients found that if they did a lot of walking, then, on average, their cognisance skills improved significantly .
Before being impressed by such findings I would need to know just how many patients they got back, and how many are still on the loose.
Sugar cane is a crop which is harvested annually…..stalks cut off at ground level, and allowed to shoot again to provide a ratoon crop for harvesting in the following year.
For reasons known only to themselves, agricultural scientists found it necessary to evaluate whether driving heavy harvesting tractors on top of the cut plants, instead of, as common sense and normal practice would dictate between the rows, would effect the regrowth of the cane. In effect to determine whether severely trampled cane would regrow at the same rate as kindly nurtured cane.
They eventually proudly announced results which any kindergarten kid could have predicted. No, it does not regrow all that well at all.
I have witnessed highly paid animal behaviourists spending years lurking daily in tropical rainforest adjacent to GOF's paradise, humanely trapping and tying cotton thread onto the tails of musky rat kangaroos (guinea-pig size Australian marsupial) before letting them go again. The following day, the intelligentsia come back to map exactly where the critters had travelled during the night by tracking the trail of thread unwound from the reel.
Now I could have told them where they went without going to all that trouble. Where do you think they are going to go when some persistent intruder keeps tying ropes on their arses. They went further into the rainforest you bloody twits, to get away from you, and all your molesting, as no doubt your useless never-ever-to-see-the-light-of-day thesis will expound.
Some research is just plain stupid.
GOF, on the other hand would like to conduct the final phase of a scientific experiment begun 17 years ago, which will revolutionise our conventional understanding of genetics.
My neighbour once owned a very large Brahman bull.
I had a small number of cows of more dubious and indistinguished parentage. I think the bull loved my cows. That is understandable, for my cows were very attractive cows in a bovine sense. The bull loved them all so very much that the barbed wire fence between our two properties provided no impediment to his passion.
Over the years, on both sides of the fence, he sired 12 progeny, all of which were bull calves. No heifers.
The masses of mathematicians and statisticians reading my blog at this moment will be experiencing orgasmic delight at this extraordinary example of statistical significance. But there is more;
Mr Brahman Bull only had a single left testicle.
Now, in order to complete my research, if its not too much trouble, could I please impose upon one of my loyal vox readers to lend me one of your bulls possessing only a single testicle of the right hand persuasion, so that I will be able to conclusively prove beyond any reasonable doubt that the left one always contains only Y chromosome bearing sperm, whilst the right one is full of little X's.
Such a finding could have widespread repercussions for human family planning. It will eliminate all that lengthy and noisy messing around in the bedroom with grandma's advice on the correct way to conceive either a boy or girl child.
One little snip, and the choice is yours.
GOF will happily share all the forthcoming fame, accolades and money with the donor of our testicularly deficient bull.
I will personally launch a worldwide surgical crusade. There is a huge market out there to help all those men and cultures whose reproductive policy is predicated on the fundamental belief that boy children are superior to girls.
You have the dream.
I have the scalpels.
My hand is, however, occasionally, a little unsteady, and I have in the past been known to show a devotion to duty somewhat beyond my original job description.
Now gentlemen, who would like to be first? Get in before the rush.
Do they have a Nobel Prize for genetics so I can put it on my mantelpiece already cluttered with those I got for peace and literature?