The Bucket remains a fountainhead for those seeking impeccably researched knowledge and truth.
This one came printed inside a beer bottle cap.
"In ancient Olympic events, a false start could result in a whipping"
Seems like fair punishment for the crime to me, and well overdue for reintroduction in the 21st century.
I'll provide the whips.
Here are the crimes;
1. Politicians who change party allegiance after they are elected.
2. People with more than the prescribed number of items in the "fast checkout" supermarket queue.
(Punishment will be applied before they get to the checkout. Little old ladies will be exempt. They can do what they want to because they probably have earned the privilege. Replace the whip with a tolerant smile;-)
3. Telemarketers. I get to choose with whom I do business, or the charities I support. Not vice versa. No exceptions. Never were. Never will be.
4.Unlicensed people who get caught driving cars, having either never bothered to get a driving licence like the rest of us had to, or driving whilst disqualified.
5. Judges who only give them a rap on the knuckles.
(Your Honor, it might be my child they kill when they get back in the car and drive again tomorrow, and sore knuckles only make them even more inept drivers. The correct sentence is corporal punishment followed by destruction of the car they were driving.)
6. Plastic surgeons who get it wrong and mutilate human bodies. (Reconstructive surgery, to repair injury or deformity not caused by them in the first instance, is exempt.)
Cutting open healthy human bodies is gross stupidity.
7. Everyone who constantly complains about how bad Australia is, and what a tough life they are living.
(whipping, then deportation to Zimbabwe) Replace them with some talented politically- oppressed people from overseas who will have an enduring appreciation of just what a wonderful country this is.
8. Those who discard supermarket trolleys in any place other than within the boundaries of the supermarket property.
(whipping then community service 1 month as a trolley boy/girl/person…[ I just had the strange urge to pander to those who require politically correct language…..it won't happen again])
9. Shop assistants who have to finish personal conversations with each other before attending to customers.
(dual whipping, then we take our business to the opposition, before finding the girl about whom they were gossiping and telling her all that was said.)
10. Telephone callers who fail to adequately introduce themselves. (Indian Government whipping approval will be required before implementation) Friends of our teenage children will be given a special dispensation because their parents are probably bigger and meaner than us.
11. Pedestrians on the wrong side of the crowded footpath.
In Australia the correct side to walk is the LHS. GOF and his whip will be watching.
GOF himself will be exempt from self-flagellation on those occasions when he chooses deliberately to walk on the wrong side just to be obtuse and annoy people.
Friends who choose to walk 4 abreast blocking the entire walkway width in shopping centres will attract multiple, simultaneous whipping.
12. Anyone who takes financial advantage of an elderly, disabled or otherwise disadvantaged person. Duration and intensity of whipping will be at the sole discretion of the aggrieved person.
I am looking for a team of voluntary enforcers.
Just call 1800FLOGGING for your free GOF-endorsed humane whipping device.
Now dear reader, if its OK with you, I might just go and open another beer to quench my insatiable thirst for knowledge.