RSS Feed

Whoa!….nice to meet you Miss X

Posted on

Over the centuries there have been dramatic changes in our eating behaviour.  Nigel the Neanderthal found himself in continual domestic strife for dragging home hairy mammoths destined for the kitchen table.
Mrs N was rarely impressed by the presence of yet another dead mammoth obscuring the "welcome" sign on her cave's front entrance pelt.  Additionally Nigel insisted on processing the beast inside the living area with scant regard for ambience, decor, or the new plush bear-skin rugs recently purchased from CaveMart.  Mrs N accordingly threatened to withhold certain marital priviledges.
He eventually mended his ways,  and in doing so took the first step leading towards supermarkets, where lots of dead animals can now be found pre-packaged, cooled, and mostly free from fur,offal, blood and entrails.

Certain other human biological functions appear to have been historically overlooked, and remain relatively unchanged since the evening when Nigel presented his beloved with a fetching leopard-skin negligee, and his priviledges were restored.

The whole process of human propagation is an ugly, untidy, inefficient, energy consuming hit and miss affair which frankly fares poorly when compared to other more advanced and scientifically improved human functions.   There must be a more genteel and sophisticated method than the current Pamplona style "running of the sperm" whereby some speedy, but otherwise totally flawed little character is able to claim first prize, and genetic perpetuity.

Genetic mapping and modification, cloning, and in-vitro fertilisation are realities of our time. We must strive to make these techniques more widely available.  A nice electron microscope from K mart for $49.95 would be a good start. Linked to our home computers with appropriate gene manipulation software, some test tubes, beakers and pipettes, we should be able to select little Miss Egg-of-the -Month, and handsome Mr Centrefold Sperm, and trim their individual chromosomal characteristics to our specific requirements.
Genetic photoshopping.
Gene trading on the internet should be encouraged so we can google around for superior individual chromosomes to replace our own inadequate ones. 
When we finally have Miss EM and Mr CS trimmed and modified to perfection, they can be laid together on a bed of nutrient agar, covered in an expanding polythene uterus, and placed in a warm spot on top of the water heater. Nine months later the fruit of our genetic manipulation may be introduced to our brave new world.

Now I would like my Nobel Prize for Medicine please.

Read and post comments


Send to a friend


About GOF

"Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it, depends upon what you put into it." (Tom Lehrer)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: