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Mr Osborne’s new testament

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True story from ABC News

 

Allegedly;

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Matthew Mark Luke John Osborne, a British tourist, was recently arraigned in Cairns on charges of stealing a $250,000 Argyle pink diamond. There is a possibility that he’d swallowed it at some stage for safe-keeping whilst decamping from the scene of the crime, but investigating detectives were too late to intercept the passage of the precious rock.  Only M M L J O knows where it is now.

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I have questions;

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1.   Would the diamond have lost value in transit due to diminished lustre and glitter?

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2.   Would it have gained value because of it’s celebrity and unique provenance?

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3.   Would this diamond still be a girl’s best friend if it were slipped on her finger in the form of an engagement ring?

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4.   Would she ever lick melted ice-cream off her ring finger.

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5.   Did Mr and Mrs Osborne impose an unreasonable burden of saintly expectation on their boy-child by naming him Matthew Mark Luke John?

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6.   Would he have lived a more law-abiding life if he’d been baptised   Titus Philemon Thessalonian Revelation Osborne instead?

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7.   Why didn’t they name him John Paul George Ringo Osborne?

 

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So many questions. So few answers.

 

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"Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it, depends upon what you put into it." (Tom Lehrer)

18 responses »

  1. I’d think it would have a rather good polishing in transit although one that would have most people begging for a surgical way out with barbiturates. OMG! The name! I might have gone more for a Brian Beyoncé Shakira Katy Pery-Osborne.

    Reply
    • “Brian Beyoncé Shakira Katy Pery-Osborne.”

      Hang onto that idea Emmy for when you have offspring.:-) Kids need a good start in life like that. :-)

      Reply
  2. Also wondering if it would still be pink … or would it now be one of the “chocolate diamonds” advertised on television here in the US?

    Maybe the pressure of the bowel system would enhance the diamond?

    Since detectives missed the “interception of the passage.” does that mean it was ‘flushed away?’ And that the Cairns sewage treatment facility is now a popular place?

    Reply
    • That’s precisely what I mean GOM….. so many questions need to be answered. The world is indeed a mysterious place.
      Current thinking is that he posted the jewel overseas as several days had elapsed before he was caught trying to leave the country.

      Reply
  3. Maybe it could meet up with Lara Bingle’s rock which went via the bowl, allegedly…

    Reply
    • Thanks Judy. I really should keep up with current affairs and the adventures of Ms Bingle. I’d not heard of this tragic incident. :-)

      Reply
  4. One wonders if diamonds are still a girl’s best friend.

    Reply
    • Send me a rock of this value and I’ll do the research for you Snowy. I don’t want you to be wond’rin’ too much about this in your retirement.

      Reply
  5. But ya doesn’t have to call him Ozzy.

    Reply
  6. 1) No. 2) Not monetary value, but it would have a great provenance. 3) Oh, most definitely, YES. 4) Pretty easy to sterilize a diamond. 5-7) Why didn’t they name him Ozzy?!?

    Reply
    • This is precisely what we need on my blog Kim…a fount of knowledge. Thank you for all the answers. They didn’t name him Ozzy because there is no Gospel According to Ozzy in the Bible……..I think……hang on, I’ll just go check.

      Reply
  7. The first part of his plan is genius. I’m not so sure about his exit strategy though.

    Reply

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