Normally on Christmas Day Mrs GOF cheerfully decorates, cooks, drinks more red wine than is strictly required to reap any health benefits, and entertains the neighbours, whilst I play my usual role as a joyless yuletide yoke around her neck.
This year I was so deficient in wives upon which to inflict this misery, and so sick of living on Weetbix, that I carted my dismal countenance off down the mountain range to Cairns to see if I could at least find some personal happiness by casting a shadow of gloom over some unsuspecting strangers and foreign tourists who hitherto had been enjoying their day on the Esplanade.
Here are some highlights of my day;
Obstructing pedestrians on the boardwalk along Trinity Inlet.
Threatened to seriously thump some younguns at BoxinFun
Hijacked a buggy and terrorised a group of senior citizens at the Marina.
Canceled swimming intentions after being mobbed by young women as soon as they saw me in my Speedos.
Being escorted from the helipad after offering to fly the next group of tourists out to the reef.
Inhaled some refreshing Eau de Greasetrap wafting over the mudflats on the south-easterly breeze.
Police confiscated my slingshot at Cairns Library.
Found great amusement at people who had left cars parked beneath the fruit bat colony.
ROFL (Rolling on the footpath laughing) at some tourist’s windscreen. (Very happy GOF)
Extreme disappointment when told that tours of Honey were unavailable on Christmas Day.
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